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Friday, May 25, 2007 9:48 AM

Do your friends like your DH?

I know it's most important that YOU love your DH, but I do think whether or not your friends like your mate is a big deal. I went out to dinner last night with my best friend and her new boyfriend. I love him. He's amazing, funny, and great to be around.

I can't say the same for her ex. Without getting in to the  details, she was crazy about him but none of her friends (myself included) could stand him. Plus, he was totally anti-social so she would back out of a lot of fun dinners, etc. After three years of dating I finally resigned myself to the fact that this was the guy she was going to marry and I had to try to like him because I didn't want to lose her as a friend. Then, he broke her heart. She was devastated. I was of course so sad for her, and there to support her. But I can't lie and say I wasn't secretly relieved. I may be a bad person for that -- but I really think he took away aspects of her amazing personality (i.e. being social and fun).

Long story short, I'm so happy for her now. And she's so happy. It's almost as if she's the new yet old person again. I know even the best of friends can be very different so naturally they'll have different taste in guys, but do you think it's important that your friends like your mate? Also, I bit my tongue for so long about how I didn't really like him (the ex) -- should I have told her?

 PS I seem to be on a bit of an ex kick this week -- I guess it's still on my mind!
 


Posted by Kathleen*
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Comments

re: Do your friends like your DH?

My friend married a guy I'm not too fond of.  But I wasn't fond of any of her boyfriends before him either.  I don't think she has met her perfect match yet, but it's too late now!  I love her husband because he's her husband, but I don't like the life he wants to lead and how that affects my friend.  But she has literally become a different person with each man in her life.  They all changed her significantly.  All the stock she put in herself depended on who she was with at the time.  I think most of my friends and family love my husband.  He's just an everyday good guy, and they can see that.  He's really simple and there isn't much to him, so you either like him or you don't.  Some of my family like him more than me.  

Posted by edmo    Friday, May 25, 2007 12:01 PM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

One of my best friend's is engaged to a guy that I don't care for at all.  He is very controlling and picks about everything.  He wants her to change her personality to fit him.  Yeah you should make some adjustments when you are in a relationship, but she shouldn't have to change her personality.  She has thought about it and has postponed the wedding for a year, but I am hoping that she won't marry him at all!  I have told her politely how I feel and thats why she has postponed it.  I felt bad for a little while, but got over it  once I heard another story of how he was treating her badly.  If her friends are going to have to be around her future husband I think we should like him too.

Posted by AMealey    Friday, May 25, 2007 7:20 PM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

I can't stand my BF DH. My DH hates her DH. None of her old friends like him but what can we do? I almost cried during her wedding because I didn't want her to9 go through with it. She, however, loves him and thinks he's the best thing ever. We, on the otherhand see him as this neurotic, stiffling, must be the center of attention guy. She has changed so much since meeting him and it breaks my heart. I know if I ever told her how I feel it would drive us apart and I don't want that.

Posted by Chrysallys    Saturday, May 26, 2007 3:36 PM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

I think it says a lot of if your friends don't like your DH. Either your friends have issues, or your DH is the issue, but either way, something is amiss. I just went out with an acquaintance who was dating a complete wanker when we met. He was arrogant, butt-ugly, and not NEARLY as worshipful as he should've been for the privilege of being with this clever, adorable, sassy girl. And did I mention far, FAR from good looking? Naturally, I bit my lip and said NOTHING while they were dating.

He dumped her--very much out of the blue--and she was devastated. We just reconnected again, and I couldn't help myself. More than anything, I wanted to reassure her that HE was the fool, and way out of her league to begin with. I tried not to go too far with the "he sucked" rhetoric, but I threw it out there and let her do a lot of the talking. She doesn't have any regrets about being with him, and actually said it was the best thing that ever happened--both being with him, then being dumped by him--because it helped her figure out what she wants in a relationship and what she's willing to put up with (or not, as the case may be).

I think it's hard to have that convo. with someone who's still IN the relationship. No one ever really knows what goes on inside a relationship other than the couple, so your comments could definitely hurt the friendship. But you can be there for her if (or when) things do go bad.  

Posted by Nest Colleen    Tuesday, May 29, 2007 12:38 PM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

I would never say anything to a friend while she was with the guy, unless I saw signs of abuse or something. But, if I just don't like him?  I'd keep it to myself.  One of my friends dated a guy I hated, but he ended up dumping her and now she is marrying the absolute perfect guy for her.  I have since told her what I thought of the ex and she totally agrees, but I also know that had I said something at the time, she would not have taken it well.

Posted by jsillyfun    Tuesday, May 29, 2007 1:18 PM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

I think it depends on how close you are to the friend in question. I know I count on my friends for their honesty as well as their loyalty. Sometimes it's hard to see straight when you're in a relationship, so a friend pointing out some potential deal breakers could be helpful (that is if you trust their judgement).

Posted by Nest Caitlin    Wednesday, May 30, 2007 8:47 AM


re: Do your friends like your DH?

I love all of my friends' husbands.  With my closest group of friends, their husbands are a part of our group now.  

When my ex dumped me 6 years ago, I was surprised when all my friends came out and said they hated him.  This was especially surprising since he was the brother in law of my best friend.   Even her husband (my ex's brother) said he hated how one sided the relationship was and that he didn't think his brother had deserved me.    No one told me this when we were together and I appreciated that.  I would have only defended the relationship because when I was in it, it was hard to see what was wrong with it.

They love my husband.  He fits in perfectly with out little group.  He is great friends with the other husbands.   They can have their golf play dates while us girls get together and do our thing.   Its really perfect.

Posted by MrsMLvK    Friday, June 22, 2007 12:06 AM


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