Fired
Posted
Thursday, May 01, 2008 9:55 AM
If you want to feel the worst you have ever felt in your entire life, try being called into called into the bosses office for an unexpected firing. If that isn't the biggest punch in the face, bag over the head, stab in the back you have ever felt, then I don't envy you one bit.
About 4:15 yesterday afternoon I was hard at work....as usual. I'm always hard at work. I've been hard at work for that place every day, evening and weekend for the last year...for a tiny salary and even less thanks. I get the call to go on down to the CFO/HR VP's office. My boss is there. Not my direct supervior who happened to be traveling that day...but my boss. I go in and sit down and the door is closed behind me. My heart is pounding as I know I'm either getting a raise or I'm getting the ax.
So....needless to say. I hear "we gave you a chance, and your chance is up. It's not working, today is your last day."
Ummmm....what's that now? I was the only entry-level person in a senior level firm. This place had never hired an entry level person before. I must have shown potential but didn't live up to it. They sited lack of confidence, lack of time management skills and sub-par writing skills. I was completely and totally floored, not to mention utterly humiliated and really angry. Everyone loves me though...so nice and helpful...so easy to work with. Humble to a fault. Lack of confidence? It's really hard to have faith in your abilities when everyone else is packing double and triple the amount of experience you have and no one wants to help you learn. Poor time management skills? Sorry 60 hours a week wasn't enough for you. Sub-par writing skills? That was the hardest to hear because I have always considered that my biggest strength. If I'm not good at that, I'm not sure what I'm good at.
I cried sitting there. I didn't want to, but I've got kind of a soft heart anyway so hearing this was just a little too much bear. Especially when there was absolutely NO indication this was coming. I got paid through the end of the week (gee, thanks) and then had to throw everything I had in a box and was ushered out the door like some nut job. They like watched me leave to make sure I didn't do anything crazy. Like a criminal. Me.
So here I am again...jobless in Iowa. I just haven't been able to catch a break in this stupid town. It's all about who ya know and I don't know anyone. People in Iowa don't like people who aren't from Iowa. That's been made crystal clear in the 3.5 years we've been here. I just can't believe I have to start job searching. Again. And deal with the inevitable rejection. Again. Ugh. The thought of it makes me sick. What the eff do I say now when I'm asked about why I left my previous position?
I have to start my resume over from scratch, because my latest one was on my work laptop, which they confiscated back so fast it would make your head spin. My home computer had a meltdown about 9 months ago and I lost everything. The thought of starting that over is also making my stomach turn. I feel like I need to do it immediately. That I need to be working again by Monday or else I'm a worthless piece of crap. I know that's not true and I'm not going to be successful until I'm able to heal and get my head straight. I'm going to take a few days, shake this off, put a smile on my face and try to move on.