Spoke too soon...
Posted
Wednesday, August 13, 2008 1:54 PM
SOB.... I foolishly agreed months ago that we would go to Grand Lake at the end of August and share a lake house with some friends... we have paid in for the house already and everything...
I just looked.. that is over Berthoud Pass... and I am freaking out... now the weeks until we go will be hell... all I can think is: C.D.I.... never going to happen, not going to make it...
Work has become unbearably stressful the past two weeks.. the past two days have been an impossible mess with no one around to tell me if I am dropping the ball or effing things up.. I feel like I am barely hanging on...
And my "vacations" have become an even larger source of anxiety and unrest... how did I let that happen?
How stupid am I that once every few weeks I am going to claw my way out of my office to go someplace that totally freaks me out, just hoping that I can make it through, so that I can get back to my office and feel completely incompetent and stupid again?
I need a break - hell I need a break from my breaks... this is idiotic...
I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown (not a jokey, "get I am a bit stressed out" kind of thing) or something... like at any moment I could just pass out or shut down...
WTH was I thinking not checking what road I would have to take to get to Grand Lake!?
Can't everyone around me just leave me alone - I can't handle anything else right now.. I can't even handle what I have...
This is more than any empowerment statement can fix... it isn't a pass, it is an impasse... my impasse....