Posted Friday, August 29, 2008 9:43 AM
Woo, I am going to be a total clock-watcher today, no use trying to deny it... I cannot wait for the weekend to start!! I know H is thinking that happy hour or something sounds great, but I would LOVE to just run home after work, pour a nice big glass of vino, grab a blankie and my dog, and park myself on the sofa for the evening.. (insert junk food somewhere into that description for total couch potato perfection...)
3 days of not being stressed about work, not worrying about budgets or events or exchange students or even the ever-growing email pile from hell... it is gonna be sa-weeeet!!!
But it is only 9:45... COME ON WEEKEND - COME ON!!!
Posted Wednesday, August 27, 2008 9:43 AM
Day 2 of super-unmotivated todds_wife..... I just can't get crackin' this week.
I didn't even get up until 10 minutes before I normally leave for work, and it was only to start coffee and let the dog out of his kennel so I could cuddle up with him on the sofa...
I was just dropping the dog off at day care when I should have been rolling into work, and I barely care... not to mention that I look more like "college student" than "college admin" in my t-shirt, shelppy cardigan, jeans and addias sambas...
I really want this week to be over - I never feel this unmotivated... It is 9:45 in the morning, and I already want it to be evening so I can be back on the sofa with the remote and the dog... 
Home, please, Jeaves.....
Posted Tuesday, August 26, 2008 9:49 AM
I am feeling decidedly unmotivated this week... It is strange, but I just really want the week to be over, and to have the three day weekend here to enjoy...
I was so freaked out about the travel last weekend, that I didn't really relax until it was over -and now I feel like I haven't had a break in over a week...
I just want to lay by the pool with an icy beverage in the morning, take a nice nap in our bed with the doggie in the afternoon, and maybe watch an old movie one evening... decompress...
Something tells me that this week is not going to be my most productive around the office - all I can think about it getting to go home....
Posted Monday, August 25, 2008 10:18 AM
I did it... I went to Grand Lake - I drove over Berthoud Pass, which as it turns out is more of a giant PITA than it is scary (although I did go slower than some folks, the speed limit is actually really low, tho, so I wasn't doing anything too terrible)...
I'm not going to lie, I am glad it is behind me and happy to have the next month or so with no traveling at all to look forward to... But I did it, and I did NOT have a panic attack the whole weekend... and I would probably even do it again..
I am never going to be the Mountain-loving Colorado native that people expect - nature certainly doesn't "call to me" or anything like that... I am content for the most part to use them as a way to tell which direction I am going, and keep them in the distance..
But I don't have to feel like I can't be included in activities with my friends anymore... I don't have to feel trapped by them... for that, I am thankful and very proud of myself...
BTW- for those who don't know Berthoud Pass, here is the Wikipedia descript of it...
And here is an aerial view of a couple of the switchbacks, although it really doesn't do it justice...
Posted Thursday, August 14, 2008 9:49 AM
(Like in "What about Bob")....
Mom and I are going for a Berthoud practice run this weekend... Then I will know what to expect when we go...
Long range forcast for the weekend we are due to spend with our friends looks dry and sunny, so that will make it easier too...
I haven't had a conversation with Todd yet about who is driving - but the way I see it any arguement for me to drive is just as valid as any for him to drive... I am driving, and if he doesn't want to ride with me he can go with some of our friends in a different car....
And me putting my foot down about it is no more outragous than it would be for him to do the same...
I have to take care of myself, set myself up for success... I would love it if he could be supportive and understanding about it - but at the least he WILL tolerate it... there is no room for discussion...
I wish I was normal, wish I could do things like other people do, 100% of the time, never having to worry about freaking out... 
Wish I could jump in the car with my husband and zip up the pass without worrying that I am going to panic and lose control of my stomach, scream and beg for him to slow down, or jump out of the car at a stoplight before we even make it to I70 or something...
I wish I could be something different than what I am...
Posted Wednesday, August 13, 2008 1:54 PM
SOB.... I foolishly agreed months ago that we would go to Grand Lake at the end of August and share a lake house with some friends... we have paid in for the house already and everything...
I just looked.. that is over Berthoud Pass... and I am freaking out... now the weeks until we go will be hell... all I can think is: C.D.I.... never going to happen, not going to make it...
Work has become unbearably stressful the past two weeks.. the past two days have been an impossible mess with no one around to tell me if I am dropping the ball or effing things up.. I feel like I am barely hanging on...
And my "vacations" have become an even larger source of anxiety and unrest... how did I let that happen?
How stupid am I that once every few weeks I am going to claw my way out of my office to go someplace that totally freaks me out, just hoping that I can make it through, so that I can get back to my office and feel completely incompetent and stupid again?
I need a break - hell I need a break from my breaks... this is idiotic...
I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown (not a jokey, "get I am a bit stressed out" kind of thing) or something... like at any moment I could just pass out or shut down...
WTH was I thinking not checking what road I would have to take to get to Grand Lake!?
Can't everyone around me just leave me alone - I can't handle anything else right now.. I can't even handle what I have...
This is more than any empowerment statement can fix... it isn't a pass, it is an impasse... my impasse....
Posted Monday, August 11, 2008 2:25 PM
So as I was taking off up the hill on Friday, I remembered a motivational speaker named Ian Walker that I used to work with at the teen center when I was younger.. his whole deal was all about how we can't move mountains, so he would have you scream " MOUNT-AIN, GET- OUT - OF- MY- WAY!"...
And I as I pointed the Keri-mobile up I-70 and started climbing, that is exactly what I thought...
...and I did it... I'm not going to say I wasn't white knuckling it a little bit when we came out of the tunnel and started heading down the other side of the divide and it decided to kind of pour rain (it is kind of a steep grade, and it had to freaking rain right then? grrrr)... I did ok coming back - I was on my own, so I did stop in Georgetown to catch my breath...
I don't see why they need to put up signs like "Hey truckers, you're not down yet!! Are your breaks adjusted and cool? 12 more miles of steep-grade, winding curves ahead..." and "LOST YOUR BREAKS? STAY ON I-70, DO NOT EXIT!!"
Great, thanks... I feel like Pee Wee Herman in his movie - when he is driving Large Marge's big rig and the "curve this way" signs keep getting more and more ridiculous until the curves in the diagrams are overlapping and going in corkscrews, etc... it kind of only makes it worse...
But I did it, dammnit... I did it...
MOUNT-AIN! GET- OUT- OF- MY- WAY!
Posted Friday, August 08, 2008 12:37 PM
Here I go, off into the mountains to face the fear and "slay the dragon"...
See, here I am:
Zooming along in my little "Ess-cop-ay" as we call it, up and down the mt roads... not a care in the world... (Ok, so mine is gray, but cut me some slack)
Wish me luck...