NurseRobinson:

I am really so surprised that everyone thinks it was a bad decision for OP to deactivate her FB account. DH isn't on FB and doesn't care for me to be on there but he has never told me to get off. After time, I got off on my own because I sensed he didn't like it and I can tell how happy that made him when I got off, and DH is not controlling. I know plenty of couples that a mate has told them to get off FB. What's the big deal? FB is a bunch of garbage anyway. You can raise children together and communicate without FB. 

As far as the fiance, It must be something that the OP is leaving out because what adult would not know that you have to communicate with your child's father? I'm sorry no one agrees, but I'm not buying it. That's why OP deactivated her account because it's more to it I believe.

OP even said in the FB message that they were talking about each other's relationships. For what? Sorry, DH would be pissed at me. Our relationship has nothing to do with raising their child. Sorry.

This is coming from someone who says divorce is never an option for her. Her husband is pretty lucky to have a doormat for a wife.

linzica:

NurseRobinson:

I am really so surprised that everyone thinks it was a bad decision for OP to deactivate her FB account. DH isn't on FB and doesn't care for me to be on there but he has never told me to get off. After time, I got off on my own because I sensed he didn't like it and I can tell how happy that made him when I got off, and DH is not controlling. I know plenty of couples that a mate has told them to get off FB. What's the big deal? FB is a bunch of garbage anyway. You can raise children together and communicate without FB. 

As far as the fiance, It must be something that the OP is leaving out because what adult would not know that you have to communicate with your child's father? I'm sorry no one agrees, but I'm not buying it. That's why OP deactivated her account because it's more to it I believe.

OP even said in the FB message that they were talking about each other's relationships. For what? Sorry, DH would be pissed at me. Our relationship has nothing to do with raising their child. Sorry.

you know, it only takes one person saying everything is okay to allow a person in an abusive relationship to justify staying.

Hope you're feeling really confident in your encouragement.

I would never want anyone to stay in an abusive relationship and I didn't think I was encouraging her to do such.  

dtbluv:

NurseRobinson:

I am really so surprised that everyone thinks it was a bad decision for OP to deactivate her FB account. DH isn't on FB and doesn't care for me to be on there but he has never told me to get off. After time, I got off on my own because I sensed he didn't like it and I can tell how happy that made him when I got off, and DH is not controlling. I know plenty of couples that a mate has told them to get off FB. What's the big deal? FB is a bunch of garbage anyway. You can raise children together and communicate without FB. 

As far as the fiance, It must be something that the OP is leaving out because what adult would not know that you have to communicate with your child's father? I'm sorry no one agrees, but I'm not buying it. That's why OP deactivated her account because it's more to it I believe.

OP even said in the FB message that they were talking about each other's relationships. For what? Sorry, DH would be pissed at me. Our relationship has nothing to do with raising their child. Sorry.

Your post actually makes me mad.  Catching up and discussing current personal events with the father of you kids is fine, and I personally think it should be commended.  The OP's FI will be the daughter's stepfather (unless the OP wises up and leaves), so the father showing interest in him is pretty normal, and in my opinion a good thing.

I'm sorry my post made you mad. I do not find anything wrong with communicating with your child's father. I just don't think it's necessary to discuss each other's relationships and such over FB and if not doing that will make my partner happy, then what's the big deal? Co-parenting can still exist without FB. That is all I was saying.

I have a 19 year old step son and I have experience in dealing with DH's ex and their relationship. If I had a problem with something, I told him and he fixed it. I told him that I didn't like the time of the day that she was calling, (non-emergency calls), and he told her to stop calling so late. I could give example after example, but my point is that DH was more concerned with our relationship and his son, not the relationship with his son's mother. DH and his ex stayed cordial to each other and talked when it was concerning their son, not chatting it up on FB discussing our relationship. 

Sorry, but I don't believe that just because you have children with someone, then anything goes. That person you have children with is most likely an ex and sometimes in relationships people may show some jealousy towards an ex. Just because you have children with them doesn't erase the jealousy, you have to just deal with it. I think the person with the child should show some compassion toward their partner if this is the case and something as simple as not communicating via FB is not such a huge request. 

ToneGirl:

NurseRobinson:

I am really so surprised that everyone thinks it was a bad decision for OP to deactivate her FB account. DH isn't on FB and doesn't care for me to be on there but he has never told me to get off. After time, I got off on my own because I sensed he didn't like it and I can tell how happy that made him when I got off, and DH is not controlling. I know plenty of couples that a mate has told them to get off FB. What's the big deal? FB is a bunch of garbage anyway. You can raise children together and communicate without FB. 

As far as the fiance, It must be something that the OP is leaving out because what adult would not know that you have to communicate with your child's father? I'm sorry no one agrees, but I'm not buying it. That's why OP deactivated her account because it's more to it I believe.

OP even said in the FB message that they were talking about each other's relationships. For what? Sorry, DH would be pissed at me. Our relationship has nothing to do with raising their child. Sorry.

This is coming from someone who says divorce is never an option for her. Her husband is pretty lucky to have a doormat for a wife.

I don't get what divorce has to do with anything, but since you brought it up, No divorce is not an option for me. It is against my religious beliefs. If divorce is an option for you, then so be it.

A doormat? DH would laugh at that. I am a submissive wife, but that doesn't equal doormat. If DH asks me to do something, I do it. Why not? He does what I ask of him. I know I married the right man and I trust his judgement.

PS- Again, I don't see how your comment has anything to do with what this thread is about. It seems to me that you are carrying over your non-agreement with me from another thread. I hope I'm wrong. If I disagree with someone, I type it out and move one. I don't hold grudges here or irl.  

I don't want to stir the pot or anything but I had an H (now ex) accuse me of cheating and it turned out he was the one cheating the entire time! Maybe your DH is feeling guilty for something that he is doing and taking it out on you.

And to answer your question, no you are not cheating. I know it's hard but please re-evalute your relationship. Good luck.

As a woman I hate double standards. On a thred right before yours a woman was spying on he husband , looking at his computer and the women responding said that was ok, I as a woman did not. You can't have it both ways. As I said on the other thread where she snooped around and didn't trust him he should get rid of her. You talking to your Ex shouldn't have surprised him unless you have hid this from him. Were you not upfront with him about your Ex, if not thats on you.

Thank you again for all the responses. I can understand both sides of the Facebook issue. I don't care enough about Facebook that it was a big deal to me to deactivate it. And my daughter is 16. She IS old enough to take the lead about talking to her father. There is no question about visitation because we live 2000 miles apart and I wouldn't let her go visit him under any circumstances. He is an on again off again heroin addict and his girlfriend has offered to "smoke my daughter up" if she ever came to see them. My communication with him was more a courtesy on my part to keep him apprised on what was going on with our daughter. 

I have been in therapy for four years. My self esteem issues are well talked about and my previous relationships have been talked over and over again.

Jim IS a good guy. He has his own issues, but can any of us on this message board really claim that we do not? Or that our husbands or significant others don't have any issues regarding jealousy or insecurity? Jimmy works hard, in pain from cartilage being worn away in his shoulders from the job he has been doing for 30 years, to pay our rent and utilities. He tells me on a daily basis how beautiful and sexy I am and our sex life gets better and better. He supports my plan of going to school full time in the spring, and therefore HE will be responsible for all the bills. He treats my daughter like she is his own. 

I have been reading posts on this whole site for about a year. It seems that the immediate response to any trouble is to leave the guy. Sometimes it is not that simple or black and white. He was totally wrong for his reaction. He was wrong to peek around my personal Facebook messages. He over reacted and I have completely blocked and shut down any further discussions on the matter. And the more I do this, the more he backs down. I have discussed this with my therapist, and Jimmy and I will be going to joint sessions with her before we get married.

Anyway I guess I wanted to say that there is a whole lot more good in our relationship than bad. Jimmy is not abusive in any way. And there is always more to the story than what is written here.