Thank you again for all the responses. I can understand both sides of the Facebook issue. I don't care enough about Facebook that it was a big deal to me to deactivate it. And my daughter is 16. She IS old enough to take the lead about talking to her father. There is no question about visitation because we live 2000 miles apart and I wouldn't let her go visit him under any circumstances. He is an on again off again heroin addict and his girlfriend has offered to "smoke my daughter up" if she ever came to see them. My communication with him was more a courtesy on my part to keep him apprised on what was going on with our daughter.
I have been in therapy for four years. My self esteem issues are well talked about and my previous relationships have been talked over and over again.
Jim IS a good guy. He has his own issues, but can any of us on this message board really claim that we do not? Or that our husbands or significant others don't have any issues regarding jealousy or insecurity? Jimmy works hard, in pain from cartilage being worn away in his shoulders from the job he has been doing for 30 years, to pay our rent and utilities. He tells me on a daily basis how beautiful and sexy I am and our sex life gets better and better. He supports my plan of going to school full time in the spring, and therefore HE will be responsible for all the bills. He treats my daughter like she is his own.
I have been reading posts on this whole site for about a year. It seems that the immediate response to any trouble is to leave the guy. Sometimes it is not that simple or black and white. He was totally wrong for his reaction. He was wrong to peek around my personal Facebook messages. He over reacted and I have completely blocked and shut down any further discussions on the matter. And the more I do this, the more he backs down. I have discussed this with my therapist, and Jimmy and I will be going to joint sessions with her before we get married.
Anyway I guess I wanted to say that there is a whole lot more good in our relationship than bad. Jimmy is not abusive in any way. And there is always more to the story than what is written here.