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10-26-2009 at 4:41 PM
Tofumonkey
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Joined on 06-28-2008
London, England
34,611 Points
Tofumonkey is not online. Last active: 03-19-2010, 2:07 AMBronze

I am going to be a terrible parent.

I am clearly going to be a terrible parent. I cannot even raise my animals to a standard that is acceptable by any society other than that of the Lord of the Flies.

Woke up this morning and stepped in massive lake of dog pee in bathroom which caused me to do a near splitz and bashed my shoulder on the toilet. Favourite lululemon pants were covered in dog pee. Stormed into the living room to seek out said dog only to find him making sweet, sweet love to his Kong filled with peanut butter on the cream coloured sofa.

Cat b*tched, whined and screamed at me from the moment I got up because, in his mind, he could see a small portion of the bottom of his food bowl thus meaning it must be empty - regardless of the perfectly acceptable amount of food that was still in there. Stuck my finger in to swirl it around a bit until all bits of the bottom of the bowl were covered, which the cat found acceptable.

Bent over to plug phone into charger to find that the bastard cat had devoured my phone charger cord in the night. It is literally now a wall plug with 2 inches of frayed cord sticking out of it. Farking cat.

Seriously. How am I going to raise children in this mess? I'm going to be the mother that has to leash her kids at the supermarket. I just know it. I can just see it now - in 5 years I'll not only have to leash my dog at the doggie rail outside the supermarket, but my kids too. My kids will be tearing each other apart and making crude noises at strangers, and my dog will be peeing on the kids. Then I'll wrestle the lot into the car and drive home to have my devil cat rip into the groceries and take off under the bed with a bag of doritos like a bat out of hell, never to be seen again until he comes out to lie on the white couch covered in cool ranch sparkles. 


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10-26-2009 at 4:50 PM
thewhitz
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Joined on 03-11-2009
Tulsa
7,479 Points
thewhitz is not online. Last active: 03-19-2010, 4:50 PMNewbie

This was funny.  Thanks for the laugh.

I’m sure you will be fine.  Worrying about it and acknowledging it are the first steps to stopping it.  If not, you will be able to tell the rampant anarchy running through your house  LOL

 
10-26-2009 at 4:59 PM
ESCABride
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Joined on 06-15-2005
in a pineapple under the sea
26,508 Points
ESCABride is not online. Last active: 03-21-2010, 8:03 PMBronze
You should sit down with the dog and cat and discuss their feelings and actions and why they did this, then administer time outsWink

Evil Kitty hurt my karma

PersonalMilestone 
10-26-2009 at 7:08 PM
sapphirebl...
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Joined on 08-19-2005
New England
12,183 Points
sapphireblue is not online. Last active: 03-21-2010, 10:01 PMBronze

Very funny!

I share your concerns. I have a house of two dogs and three cats. One dog is 14 (very old for a big dog) and poops and pees in the house when he can't hold it. One of the cats just kind of sucks and she pees on stuff in the house. It's disgusting and a constant battle to keep the place clean. Plus, my H is a total slob. I often wonder how on earth I could handle a kid when I feel like I have my hands full already and then some with all these animals and my H. 

 
10-26-2009 at 8:05 PM
ND1204
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Joined on 12-27-2007
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ND1204 is not online. Last active: 03-21-2010, 9:53 AMNewbie
I had to laugh at your post :)  Don't be too hard on yourself, we all have those days no matter how well-trained our pets are.
 
10-26-2009 at 8:11 PM
Flamingemu
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Joined on 02-21-2008
DC
11,305 Points
Flamingemu is not online. Last active: 03-21-2010, 5:52 PMBronze

{Lurker coming out of hiding} I am sure that since you worry about it, you will be fine. No leashes will be required because you will be so scared of them on your children that you will be a good mom and prevent it from happening.

 Thank you so much for this post, I was laughing through the whole post. What a way to start your day! I hope things got better from there.



 
10-27-2009 at 9:28 AM
MyValentin...
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Joined on 09-30-2002
Akron, Ohio- We love it here! Ohio rocks!
106,649 Points
MyValentine2004 is not online. Last active: 03-19-2010, 3:22 PMSilver
Your posts always make me laugh!

A great weekend!



An American Girl's Travels 

10-27-2009 at 12:27 PM
neverblush...
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Joined on 04-25-2002
45,526 Points
neverblushed is not online. Last active: 03-18-2010, 3:40 PMSilver

I've had days like that.

Until we recently had to put one of our cats down, I have lived with 2 children and 2 cats. 

I maintain that OFTEN the children are easier to "raise" than the cats. 

My deceased cat had gotten to the point where she was barfing and pooing all over the house on a daily basis.  Even before she reached the "terminal" stage of her cancer, she had a food allergy that caused her to barf all the time.  At least my kids can aim for the trash can when they barf!  My cat has thrown up right on MY pillow!!! 

The other cat cannot be trusted around anything resembling string or curling ribbon (he eats it, but doesn't digest it, and winds up with an extra "tail" when it comes out the other end), and will eat plastic bags when left unattended in the same room with them.  At least my kids can be told "don't touch that!" or "that's not food -- don't eat it!" and they listen!  And I know my kids are older, but they've been past the stage where they put stuff in their mouths for YEARS!

AND my kids certainly don't drink out of the toilet, or catch birds in the attic and release them in the living room.

So, really, kids are much easier -- don't worry about it so much!


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10-28-2009 at 11:29 PM
carlobee
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Joined on 07-21-2009
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carlobee is online. Last active: 03-22-2010, 5:57 AMNewbie

haha. that gave me a good laugh too. :)

 

 
10-31-2009 at 12:43 PM
mikeandnat
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Joined on 08-13-2008
Houma, LA
758 Points
mikeandnat is not online. Last active: 03-12-2010, 7:56 PMNewbie
Sounds like you had a terrible morning! I'm sure you'll be a great parent. My friend's 2 yr old nephew crapped his big boy undies and painted the living room walls with it. Doesn't that make you feel a little bit better? lol.

-Natalie 

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