The Nest

Does your DH want to have contact with them?

If no, then I would ignore the emails. Block her address if you need to. If you respond in any way then you are feeding into the drama and also letting her know that she can get you to bite.

If you don't want to block her address, then I wouldn't even bother reading her emails. You know what they'll say. 

If DH wants to rebuild the relationship, then you two need to come up with a game plan around the best way to do that and establishing boundaries.

Good luck. 

Why did you lie to them?  

I can understand that you didn't want a big wedding.  I can understand that you put your feet down and fought for the wedding you said you wanted.

Then you claimed to have eloped in May but actually eloped in September.  Why would you go to all the effort to lie, then run an announcement with the correct information that would reveal your deception?  It is douchy.  Either you guys are adults who are insisting on living your lives your own way or you are willful teenagers who are fibbing to avoid conflict with stepmom and dad.

YOur bigger problem: your H will not discuss this with you nor will he stand together with you on this issue.

I vote you cut them off completely. They sure sound nuts to me.

I totally understand. We're planning our wedding, and I dream about eloping almost DAILY because of MIL's demands to invite everyone she & FIL have ever known,...when they're barely chipping in for the wedding. We wanted 100 guests or less, and they were outraged.

I always thought honesty was the best policy, and I never understood why my FI shut down & wouldn't stand up to his mom, but once a conversation like that gets started, she puts on her battle gear and it will never end.

You have nothing to apologize for. Yes, you lied to them, but they made it impossible for you to be honest & sincere with them without Jerry Springer -like behavior.

They need to realize that life is too short to hold onto anger about stupid things like which day you got married, and suck it up. I'd tell them that if they're interested in being a part of your lives, great!----but they better be nice & back off when it comes to YOUR important decisions.

mikeandnat:

I totally understand. We're planning our wedding, and I dream about eloping almost DAILY because of MIL's demands to invite everyone she & FIL have ever known,...when they're barely chipping in for the wedding. We wanted 100 guests or less, and they were outraged.

But they are chipping in. Pay = say. You don't like it that their money comes with strings attached? Graciously decline their offer, be grown-ups and pay for your own damned wedding. Otherwise, stop complaining.

mikeandnat:

I totally understand. We're planning our wedding, and I dream about eloping almost DAILY because of MIL's demands to invite everyone she & FIL have ever known,...when they're barely chipping in for the wedding. We wanted 100 guests or less, and they were outraged.

My former MIL did this...  I wanted 100 guests or less.  When she gave me "her" list, it had over 75 guests -- it didn't include any of XH's friends but did include their parents.  The best was that she wanted to invite his former coach/wife, their three daughters and all of their boyfriends.  Seriously.  I gave her the price for the extra people and said if she wanted them, she could pay for them.  She downgraded.  Its amazing how "generous" some people feel when they aren't paying.

DO NOT EMAIL HER!!!

Copy her emails and if she does go to his job CALL THE POLICE and file harassmant charges and get a restraining order.

That will stop her!

magsugar13:

DO NOT EMAIL HER!!!

Copy her emails and if she does go to his job CALL THE POLICE and file harassmant charges and get a restraining order.

That will stop her!

What Mag said.

Thanks to everyone who responded. I have not responded to her emails and I know I shouldn't, I think I just needed someone else to say it.

The reason we lied was because they wouldn't stop with the whole "we're mad because you're not inviting everyone we want you to" and they were basically making the planning miserable. So we lied in order to not have to them come to the wedding without having to tell them "we don't want you at our wedding!!!"

The announcement wasn't posted in the town they live in, I don't know how they saw it. I don't particulary care if they're mad since we don't talk to them.

They are completely out of our lives, they just don't want to be apparently.

DH does support me so that's good but obviously, if it was a perfect world,he would have liked this all not to have happened and for everything to be fine. Hell, that's what I would have liked too. I am not super close with my own family so I was looking forward to getting to know his.

The thing that makes me super mad is that we set the wedding date and then found out his stepmother's daughter was expecting her second child within days of the date literally. So we bumped it up a month instead of moving it down a month which would have put it closer to my finals (I am a senior in college). The father flipped out that we moved it closer instead of moving it away! I don't get it!

And, re:money, they were contributing nothing financially so they should have had no say.

Again, thanks everyone.

I don't know if this is a good idea or not. On the surface it kind of sounds like it is because my DH says the father probably doesn't know about them and wouldn't like it if he knew about it. Maybe that would get her to stop, if HER husband was mad. Hmmm, good idea livinitup.

On the other hand, that makes it seem like we're on friendly terms with the father which we're definitely not but I guess it's more important to get her to stop.

Unfortunately, I deleted her emails but the next time she sends one, I think I'm going to do that. Thanks again, I really appreciate it!