So, when he tells you that he wants a divorce you are goingto tell him that isnt an option?
That is where this is headed...he is just stalling and doesnt have the balls just to tell you.
Youd rather let him string you along for another year and he knows that. He will just keep hoping that you will get fed up and leave so he doesnt have to be the bad guy.
PS- a depressed person doesnt go out with his friends and leave his wife alone all the time. That is NOT what depression does.
He "doesn't know why"? Nope. He knows why indeed.
He has no idea how long he's been feeling like this? For love of Mike, you are not even married 5 months! That means he's been feeling like this for a long time, and a long time before the wedding, I will bet.
I call bullshit on this one, this "don't know how long" he's been feeling this way. He knows, all right.
See a therapist on your own. Find out what your options are -- above all, put yourself first.
Why should you walk on eggs around this guy and be the chief cook and bottle washer for a guy who is "distant and doesn't know why he feels this way"??
The same kind of thing happened to me before it really started to heat up around here. I had him pulling the distant routine, too. He claimed it was a work thing and he was upset that a coworker of his quit minus notice and headed out the door. Imagine that; you're distant because of a coworker who quit. Ha.
Something else is in the mix here. He's merely decided he doesn't want to be married, he was never ready for marriage, your relationship with him was frought with problems before you tied the knot and now they've come to a boiling point, this marriage never should have taken place or there's somebody else already in the wings with your H.
Married 5 months?
This also could be annulment versus divorce.
Was he going out excessively before the wedding and all along for quite some time before that...and maybe you "only" noticed it now?
At any rate, he has no business doing what he is doing. He's more or less living the single guy's life style while being married -- and in this case, I tend to think "other woman." And I will bet you that she's been in the picture all along; this just didn't start after you and he got married.
Don't let him lollygag; he needs to give you a full explanation what's going on inside his head. This "I don't know" baloney won't cut the ice.
You're a mommy to this fool, not a wife with equal footing with her husband:
My question to this group of people is how do I make it through the pain of knowing he is not happy and the pain of the drinking issue that he wont stop (he went out again tonight, but wants "points" because he was home 5 minutes after the agreed upon time).
He's got a curfew, just like middle school...
And there is a drinking issue that wont' stop??
You've got a 3 fold problem: he drinks too too much and he's out on the town, living it up and doing it often...and he he lets you play a guessing game by being distant to you.
Time for this bum to take a permanent hike. Alcoholism is a dealbreaker; you'd be wise to drop into AlAnon and bounce all of this off him.
So you have a man about town, a guy who lets you play guessing games AND a drunk -- and you're not even married 5 months?
Do you need any of this??? You and he should be growing closer, not growing apart.
The sooner he is gone the better off you will be. Get this marriage annulled if he will NOT agree immediately to get to Alcoholics Anonymous and get a sponsor and get clean and sober. And boot him if he won't come clean with why he's so distant and where it is he is exactly for all those nights he was out on the town.
You were together for quite awhile before you got married. Maybe it was such that this relationship was over but somehow you and he decided marriage was what to do.
And it's a sure fire bet that he was drinking and drinking a lot before you were married. Based on this, you needed to run like hell -- and Al Anon for YOU, stat.
You yourself might also want to drop into AA to bounce the drinking problem off them. They will tell you what I told you: Tell him that either he goes or the drinking problem goes and that he needs to get his tail to AA and get a sponsor and get clean and sober with their help.
This entire situation will only get worse not better. Wishing you luck. Do the right thing for yourself.