It sounds like your inviting the whole dang neighborhood with the exception of a friends bf...thats kinda lame. If you don't want him in your house don't invite him or her and realize you might be throwing away your friendship with her by doing so.

Do you know for a fact that he is voilent (he has hurt someone you know?)...because honestly unless he is a danger to the people around him...it sounds more like you are being judgemental of him because he cusses and "might be on drugs" then having solid reasons for not wanting him around. So without more information on the guy...it sounds like hes being unfairly judged because he interacts differently then you are used to..theres a lot of good people who grew up in houses where cussing and yelling was a way of communication that was learnt at home. If he is known for being voilent to innocent bystanders, thats different and you have every right to not invite him...but if its just opinion or hear-say then I think its really hurtful to your friend to judge him so much.

What does your friend see in him? If he is like that and she wants to be with him knowing that...why would you assume she isn't on drugs or steals too?

I've watched him pull a knife on her on her ex, I've watched him hit her. Made fun of me for my religion. Made fun of my for my weight, in front of my face and around my friends. He's threatened my husband. I've caught him in my purse.

 I don't know why she's with him, I don't support their relationship. She's so easy to fall in head over heels puppy love, but she's 25 with 2 divorces already. It's ruined our friendship once. She came back around, said she missed me, and that we wouldn't be (me and the bf) around each other. I just worry that this will cause some waves again. But he is not someone I will have around my house. Im not all that concerned about hurting feelings because I have a family to protect.

The best thing may be to not invite either of them. Invite her out for coffee or dessert someplace a couple days before or after the party. That way she knows you still want to be friends but can't risk having him come to your place (because if she's invited he may show up anyways for some reason).

erollis:

The best thing may be to not invite either of them. Invite her out for coffee or dessert someplace a couple days before or after the party. That way she knows you still want to be friends but can't risk having him come to your place (because if she's invited he may show up anyways for some reason).

This. I'd also look up the number to some free counseling services she can call - no woman in her right mind would ever date a man like that. "I'm sorry I couldn't invite you to the party, I was worried about John. And I'm still worried about you being with him. Have you thought about talking to a professional?"

TarHeels&Rebels:

erollis:

The best thing may be to not invite either of them. Invite her out for coffee or dessert someplace a couple days before or after the party. That way she knows you still want to be friends but can't risk having him come to your place (because if she's invited he may show up anyways for some reason).

This. I'd also look up the number to some free counseling services she can call - no woman in her right mind would ever date a man like that. "I'm sorry I couldn't invite you to the party, I was worried about John. And I'm still worried about you being with him. Have you thought about talking to a professional?"

 

Both of these things.

It sounds like she may be stuck in a pretty crappy relationship. You can't force her to leave, but you can offer to listen should she ever needs it and maybe have some info handy on where she can go to get help should she ever ask. What I might suggest is this, though you know you and your friend better than I, I am a huge believer in just being honest and up front.

 "Hey lady, I wanted to invite you to my party etc. Because you are my friend and I love yeah, I really want you to come. But also because you are my friend, I am gonna be honest. There is no judgment here, but I worry about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. The way he treats you makes me worry and I just want you to know if you ever need to talk I am here. I understand that you love him, but he has shown some behavior towards you, myself and my friends in the past that I struggle with. So that being said, I would rather not have him at the party. It would mean the world to me if you could attend, but I also understand this may put you/us in an awkward position and so whatever you decide I am okay with and still here for you."

 Sappy but I feel like it would express the message that you want to stay friends, you love her but that her boyfriend is not welcome under your roof. Shoot someone that messed up wouldn't be allowed near my door! :) Best of luck! 

ReReMagee:

It sounds like she may be stuck in a pretty crappy relationship. You can't force her to leave, but you can offer to listen should she ever needs it and maybe have some info handy on where she can go to get help should she ever ask. What I might suggest is this, though you know you and your friend better than I, I am a huge believer in just being honest and up front.

 "Hey lady, I wanted to invite you to my party etc. Because you are my friend and I love yeah, I really want you to come. But also because you are my friend, I am gonna be honest. There is no judgment here, but I worry about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. The way he treats you makes me worry and I just want you to know if you ever need to talk I am here. I understand that you love him, but he has shown some behavior towards you, myself and my friends in the past that I struggle with. So that being said, I would rather not have him at the party. It would mean the world to me if you could attend, but I also understand this may put you/us in an awkward position and so whatever you decide I am okay with and still here for you."

 Sappy but I feel like it would express the message that you want to stay friends, you love her but that her boyfriend is not welcome under your roof. Shoot someone that messed up wouldn't be allowed near my door! :) Best of luck! 

this is a great way to go about it. i would not invite him, it will release the crazy. keep him away. ugh, i just had a similar situation and invited the person b/c i wanted the husband there (i am pretty sure he made her go), and now she is acting bsc (again). don't do it. it's not worth it. the above is perfect. just be honest with your friend about it. she may not come, but it's better than having a crazy person at your party. trust me.

good luck and have fun!  

ReReMagee:

It sounds like she may be stuck in a pretty crappy relationship. You can't force her to leave, but you can offer to listen should she ever needs it and maybe have some info handy on where she can go to get help should she ever ask. What I might suggest is this, though you know you and your friend better than I, I am a huge believer in just being honest and up front.

 "Hey lady, I wanted to invite you to my party etc. Because you are my friend and I love yeah, I really want you to come. But also because you are my friend, I am gonna be honest. There is no judgment here, but I worry about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. The way he treats you makes me worry and I just want you to know if you ever need to talk I am here. I understand that you love him, but he has shown some behavior towards you, myself and my friends in the past that I struggle with. So that being said, I would rather not have him at the party. It would mean the world to me if you could attend, but I also understand this may put you/us in an awkward position and so whatever you decide I am okay with and still here for you."

 Sappy but I feel like it would express the message that you want to stay friends, you love her but that her boyfriend is not welcome under your roof. Shoot someone that messed up wouldn't be allowed near my door! :) Best of luck! 

^^^^Definitely this