Hey, I'm relatively new. I signed up for sites like this when I was still on the post-engagement high. Anyway, about this time last year, I found out that my husband of not even one year had been having "cyber affairs" I guess.
When you found out about this a year ago, you should have shown him the door and had your marriage annulled. An affair is an affair; it need not involve intercourse. This is inappropriate behavior and a happily married man will not be exhbiting this kind of behavior.
A man who wants to stay married also will not be out chatting up other women inappropriately.
I will also bet that he's been doing this long before your marriage began.
He would go on dating sites, get women's numbers and talk/text with them and exchange photos. There were two in particular that REALLY bugged me: one was an old friend of his who knew he was married but still exchanged raunchy messages with
Really? I see he is a man of integrity, too: a married woman...
, and another was a girl about 5 1/2 hours away who he met through a secret fb account he made.
More signs of a man of integrity.
This girl was basically his girlfriend: they'd talk, call each other, send each other good morning/night texts and call each other babe/baby whatever.
Basically his girlfriend? What happened to YOU being basically his newlywed wife?
Anyway, I ended up giving him a second chance on some conditions, we got some counseling, and he begged forgiveness and such. However, I'm still not over it. It still hurts so bad that I get so pissed off at him that I don't want him to touch me. I don't know how to get past this. I think about it (like now) and I feel like crying...help?
You can still show him the door -- remember, once a cheater, always a cheater. Very doubtful he's quit his other women cold turkey.
If you still are interested in staying with him (and I don't know why you'd have a valid reason to continue being married to him --- he's shown you in so many ways that he does not wish to be married and that he wants to be a single man with no commitment attached) there is a site called survivingfidelity.com --- you might want to check into it.
If you're religious, consult your clergyperson -- and counseling for you is a must; go alone. You need closure on this.
And what did your H do after he begged your forgiveness? Did he account for the reasons why he chose to contact other women while he is married to you?
You will have no assurance that he is not having affairs. And you have less assurance than that that he hasn't had intercourse with these women he has contacted.
He can keep on signing up for FB and use an alias to contact and stay in touch with anybody he wishes to; he could get another cell phone for that purpose, one you know nothing of. He could be at an internet cafe or elsewhere, contacting these women he finds on the web -- again, you have no assurance none of this is happening.
You'll walk on eggs around this guy, wondering what he'll be up to at any given moment -- is this how you want to live your life? I think not.
Why are you staying with him? Because you think he'll stop doing what he's doing and be a devoted husband? is it embarrasment -- yu don't want to admit failure (NONE of this is your fault; it is his, one trillion percent) and have to call it quits and explain this or that to your parents, friends, etc? Bullshit --- you can get the marriage annuled/dissolved and why is NONE of anybody's business but your own.
And consider you are at risk for STDs. Again, you have no assurance he hasn't had intercouse with who he has met.
And consider the utter void of respect for YOU. He took a vow to love and cherish and forsake all others --- wow, he sure failed big time on that one. Why did this jerkoff waste YOUR time by marrying YOU?
My advice to you:
It isn't too late to put yourself first and end this nonsense of being married to a cheater: Get rid of him and do it now.
Get your financial ducks in a row, protect your assets and contact an attorney -- don't tell him you are doing this ---see if you can have the marriage annulled vs. divorce -- and when all is ready, file. And let him pay the fees and all costs incurred; why should you have to pay for a divorce that isn't at all your fault?
You would also be wise to run a credit check on yourself and on him. Who knows what else he's up to?
Wishing you luck; the main thing is that you put yourself first.