I had a very similar situation (without the HPV part of it). We used to have an amazing sex life. Then, a couple years ago, it started hurting really bad…like couldn’t even put a tampon in. It was so bad we would only have sex once or twice every month, if that (as newlyweds). After conducting research myself, I saw a specialist about it and the way he described it is there must have been one time, something physically painful happened. Mentally, I was always scared and tense, in fear of it hurting like that, causing a self-fulfilling prophecy. I wouldn’t be able to get wet at all, and I would be in such extreme pain that I would cry.
After a course of medication & relaxation techniques, there was still no improvement. I saw a special on MTV about painful sex and they talked about “dilators.” Basically, I had to train my body to not tense up when foreplay starts. You start with something as small as a q-tip and work your way up until the desired size. The kits can be found here: http://www.vaginismus.com/products.
That helped with the pain, but the issue of lubrication was still there. This might sound very funny, but I “cured” that with Fifty Shades of Grey.
I know how frustrating it can be, especially if it causes a significant change in your routine. Just know you aren’t the only one facing these problems and there is help out there. Not all gynecologists believe in or agree with diagnosis such as Vaginismus (what I had). Actually, my initial GYN said “Just have a glass of wine beforehand to relax you.” It wasn’t until I started doing my own research and reading message boards that I discovered what I had and sought out the specialist myself. I commend you on not being so embarrassed about it (like I was for years before I sought help).