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12-07-2012 at 9:31 AM
harperkara...
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harperkaraba is not online. Last active: 01-24-2013, 11:44 AMNewbie

Need constructive opinion- husband on Ashley Madison.com

I'm not sure how to handle the situation I am in, and I'm looking for advice...my husband has always watched porn, which really does not bother me. However, I recently noticed that he's also been visiting AshleyMadison.com (a website for married people looking to cheat). We've only been married for 9 months. I've seen the site in his web page history 3-4 times in the past 2 weeks.The first time I saw it I was devastated because I have a 0 tolerance for cheating, it is a deal breaker for me, because I've dealt with it before with a previous boyfriend, and I know myself and that I cannot get over it or ever regain trust again. However, before I take any real action, I need more proof than just seeing the site in his history, or else I'll always wonder if he really deserves me leaving him...so I created a fake account on ashleymadison and did some browsing...most of the profiles on there are so non-descriptive that it's like looking for a needle in a haystack trying to find out if he has a profile....Also, I did some investigating into our recent phone bills...no phone numbers that are out of the norm. Also downloaded all deleted photos off his phone...nothing. To be honest, our relationship is in pretty bad shape as is and we don't have very strong/passionate feelings for each other. I think the first few days after I saw the site on his history, I was actually EXCITED to find proof that he's cheating...but it turns out the only thing im sure of is that he MIGHT be LOOKING to cheat. Now everytime i'm around him I am super tense and I'm starting to feel like I have to say SOMETHING. Can't live like this...please help.
 
12-07-2012 at 9:58 AM
linzica
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linzica is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 1:37 PMGold

I think maybe you two need to sit down and have a very honest discussion about whether you want to be married to each other. If he's fishing around cheating websites and you're kinda hoping he is so you can cut this off, than there might not be anything to save here.

If the damage isn't total, then at the very least you two should get your butts into therapy.


 
12-07-2012 at 10:06 AM
vpine
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vpine is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 10:38 PMSilver
So why are you with him?  You don't have passionate/strong feelings for him and you'd like to catch him cheating - not sure why you'd marry him in 1st place.

TTC Jan 2011, me: 31, DH 33. Unexplained IF.. 2 IUI (Aug 2012, Feb 2013) with Bravelle injects = BFN. 3rd attempt: March 2013 with Bravelle, ovulated on own = BFN...  
12-07-2012 at 11:30 AM
entropicbe...
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entropicbeauty is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 3:50 PMNewbie

Sounds like you want to move on...you don't need the excuse that he's cheating, if you no longer have the feelings you once did, end it.

Stop prancing around the actual issue of a non-functional marriage and just get it over with. 


 
12-07-2012 at 12:12 PM
MLE2010
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MLE2010 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 10:14 AMBronze
Get an STD test and then find a divorce lawyer. Looking to cheat, actually cheating are the same thing. 
 
12-07-2012 at 1:42 PM
doglove
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doglove is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 9:46 PMGold
You don't have to stay with this guy. Honestly, how can you trust him anyways now? Even if he didn't cheat yet, he obviously was/is looking to cheat.
 
12-07-2012 at 6:24 PM
RamonaFlow...
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RamonaFlowers is not online. Last active: 06-15-2013, 6:11 PMNewbie

It sounds like you don't even want to be married to him regardless of if he's been unfaithful.

(Wo)man up and talk to him about this. There is seriously no point in you both remaining married if he's sitting around secretly thinking about cheating on you and you're sitting around hoping he will just so you have an excuse to leave. Why not just call it a day and move on so you both can go live lives that you're actually interested in living?

Out of curiosity, though, you've been married less than a year and you already both seem uninterested in being married ... so what possessed you both to tie the knot in the first place?



I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
 
12-07-2012 at 9:57 PM
magsugar13
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Joined on 03-14-2007
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magsugar13 is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 8:35 PMPlatinum
So, you need an excuse to divorce him? How about you have a lousy relationship and you are miserable and shouldnt have gotten married in the first place.  That is all you need!


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12-08-2012 at 9:08 AM
sapphirebl...
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sapphireblue is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 1:37 PMBronze

It sounds to me as though your marriage is dead in the water. 

If he has not actually created a profile or met anyone from Ashley Madison, I think it is just a matter of time.

He will cheat on you. Sounds like you want out anyway. Honestly, from someone who is currently divorcing after 8 years of marriage, just end it now. My biggest regret is trying for so long.

Good luck to you. 


 
12-09-2012 at 1:00 PM
harperkara...
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harperkaraba is not online. Last active: 01-24-2013, 11:44 AMNewbie
Thanks everybody- it's been really insightful reading outsider's opinions on my situation...a lot of it is stuff that has been hard for me to admit/say to myself. Why did we get married in the first place? We do love each other, but sometimes I feel like we were both hoping our relationship would become something that it has not become- and we both had visions of each other that never materialized.. He proposed to me after we had been broken up for a month, and he said it was the only way he thought he could get me back, and I was flattered and missed him so the engagement began and the rest is history....I think im going to sit down with him tonight and ask to have a very honest conversation with each other about what we are really doing here.... i'll keep you all posted, I appreciate the feedback :)
 
12-10-2012 at 11:40 AM
MJHershey
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MJHershey is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 9:03 PMGold

So it was a last ditch effort to save what had already been decided was not a working relationship?  End it regardless, and dear God don't bring kids into the mix.


BIG Congrats NY Mama, Labor Buddy 2010 - now September/December Labor Buddies 2013!

KaramelSutra & MJHershey -Team Caramello- Labor Buddies Sept 2013!

 
12-11-2012 at 7:15 PM
binzy2524
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binzy2524 is not online. Last active: 01-15-2013, 2:57 PMNewbie
Maybe he went on there knowing your a snoop,non-trusting witch. Maybe this gives him the excuse to get rid of a non-trusting snooping wife. Todays marriages are a joke, give up and move on to the next victim you can spy on.
 
12-13-2012 at 11:05 AM
TarponMono...
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TarponMonoxide is not online. Last active: 06-18-2013, 5:02 PMPlatinum
I'll go with the first respondent --- you and he need to sit down and discuss whether or not you wish to remain married.  Sounds to me like there is nothing here for either one of you.
 
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