I can relate. I am a hot-head, I blame it on my Irish blood. My Dad is the same way, we're two peas in a pod. When we're pushed to a point and our anger/frustration boils over, people better watch out.
That said, even though I can relate, it doesn't make it normal or ok. I think you know that. I was also guilty of taking my frustrations out on those closest to me. It's plain old wrong, and not the way we should treat the people who love and care about us most. Here's how I've managed to reel it in over time:
1 - Stop and think before you speak. If your husband pisses you off and you're about to react - STOP! Take a breather. Because if you choose to react with what's on the tip of your tongue, you're asking for a defensive response, thus instigating a fight. So take a few minutes, count to 10, meditate, do whatever you have to do to calm down, then reassess. Chances are you will find that your gut reaction was unwarranted in the first place.
2 - Reason with yourself. Understand you're being irrational and tell yourself so. Sometimes I have to talk myself out of being pissed off. "Jemma, stop it. You're being ridiculous." I'll repeat it like a mantra until I calm down. I'm sure there are better mantras out there, I'd try to find something that hits home for you.
3 - Remember the love. You love your husband, you love your little girl. Treat them like you love them. Don't hurt them.
4 - (I could be off-base with this one but figured it's worth putting it out there...) If you're anything like me, you avoid confrontation with strangers, co-workers, friends,acquaintances, etc. And those little things those other people do, you bottle them up, and they come out when you have the opportunity to take it out on husband, someone you KNOW will allow you to "get away with it" so to speak. Stop doing this. If someone else upsets you, deal with it then and there so it's off your chest and out of your mind.
5 - Again, my anger was acutally a result of anxiety and fear. I didn't know how to cope so I'd just mad as hell instead. If you feel generally anxious, it might help to take anti-anxiety medication. I take it, my Mom and Dad also, and it's made a world of difference for us.
6 - Finally and most important - seek the help of a therapist immediately. It's not fair for your husband and daughter of course, but it's also not healthy for you. You have to be the best YOU if you want to be the best wife, best mother, best daughter you can be.
Wishing you the best of luck. Keep us posted.