I didn't get post-wedding blues so I can't exactly relate.  But, you have to give your husband some slack.  He is allowed to have a life outside of you.  I can imagine it's hard for you since you feel dependent on him.  But realistically, you are only physically dependent on him, you don't need to be emotionally dependent as well.  That's a big burden for any person to bear, including your spouse.

That said, he is not, nor can he be, solely responsible for your happiness.  It seems you are particularly sensitive as it is.  Add stress, medical issues, a sh!t job... your level of sensitivity is bound to heighten.  Just know when it's happening and come up with a strategy to manage it.  If you find yourself becoming irrationally upset with your husband, take a walk, take a bath, go read a book, etc.  Just call a moratorium on the issue at hand, take a breather, and re-address to see if was ever worth being upset in the first place.

Finally, don't be your own worst enemy by moping around, all doom and gloom all the time.  You're not doing yourself any favors here.  So next time, when your friends ask you to go out... GO OUT!  Have fun, have a few drinks, let loose!

It might do you some good to seek the help of a counselor/therapist because it sounds like there is some depression and anxiety involved here.

I agree with what PP said. Also, having post-wedding blues is perfectly normal, and it will fade in time. One technique to manage stress is journal writing. A therapist I saw for a while suggested this technique when I was grieving with the loss of my grandmother, and I have used in since. If my husband does something to upset me and I feel like I need to blow off steam before talking to him, I get some paper and write him a letter. Then after I am done I throw it away. I usually find that just writing it down makes me feel better, and I usually find that I overreacted.

I also want to point out that your husband is probably not trying to make you feel like a burden. My guess is, with all the stress you've been going through lately, that he feels the best thing to do is give you space. He may feel like he's the burden or that he's crowding you and causing stress. And he's probably afraid of causing you to have another seizure. Sit down with him and explain how you are feeling. Just make sure you use words like "I feel like lately we've......." and NOT "You make me feel like....." Use the words "I and We" and try to avoid "You".

Good luck and hang in there!

TarponMonoxide:

Is this not acknowledging you when he is with friends new behavior? I don't think it is -- but at any rate, you need to be a bit more proactive when you and he are out with your friends: make sure you make yourself part of "the action" and make sure the conversations and other socialization actively includes you.

YOu and your H need to do things together --- there are activities, clubs, volunteer organizations, evening adult school classes, sports lessons and many many other things that you and he can look into and jointly participate in. 

Could you try  looking for a waitressing job at a restaurant within walking distance of your home or find one where you could take public transportation to get to it? 

Yes it is newer. He used to always include me with these things. He used to always ask me to go with him to everything, even all of these softball things. I have a few times, and had fun, for the most part, I have fun with the boys and watching him play. lol I wouldn't go most of the times though because I figured he could use some time on his own for some boy time, and I would go do girl stuff. But he would still call me throughout the day to let me know how they were playing and such. His friends are all pretty cool with me, and I have fun with them. Now though, seems like he just doesn't want me around those things anymore... What happened? I feel like, now we're married, he already needs to get away...

bridget1312:

TarponMonoxide:

Is this not acknowledging you when he is with friends new behavior? I don't think it is -- but at any rate, you need to be a bit more proactive when you and he are out with your friends: make sure you make yourself part of "the action" and make sure the conversations and other socialization actively includes you.

YOu and your H need to do things together --- there are activities, clubs, volunteer organizations, evening adult school classes, sports lessons and many many other things that you and he can look into and jointly participate in. 

Could you try  looking for a waitressing job at a restaurant within walking distance of your home or find one where you could take public transportation to get to it? 

 

 

Yes it is newer. He used to always include me with these things. He used to always ask me to go with him to everything, even all of these softball things. I have a few times, and had fun, for the most part, I have fun with the boys and watching him play. lol I wouldn't go most of the times though because I figured he could use some time on his own for some boy time, and I would go do girl stuff. But he would still call me throughout the day to let me know how they were playing and such. His friends are all pretty cool with me, and I have fun with them. Now though, seems like he just doesn't want me around those things anymore... What happened? I feel like, now we're married, he already needs to get away...

JemmaWRX:

I didn't get post-wedding blues so I can't exactly relate.  But, you have to give your husband some slack.  He is allowed to have a life outside of you.  I can imagine it's hard for you since you feel dependent on him.  But realistically, you are only physically dependent on him, you don't need to be emotionally dependent as well.  That's a big burden for any person to bear, including your spouse.

That said, he is not, nor can he be, solely responsible for your happiness.  It seems you are particularly sensitive as it is.  Add stress, medical issues, a sh!t job... your level of sensitivity is bound to heighten.  Just know when it's happening and come up with a strategy to manage it.  If you find yourself becoming irrationally upset with your husband, take a walk, take a bath, go read a book, etc.  Just call a moratorium on the issue at hand, take a breather, and re-address to see if was ever worth being upset in the first place.

Finally, don't be your own worst enemy by moping around, all doom and gloom all the time.  You're not doing yourself any favors here.  So next time, when your friends ask you to go out... GO OUT!  Have fun, have a few drinks, let loose!

It might do you some good to seek the help of a counselor/therapist because it sounds like there is some depression and anxiety involved here.

I don't know if the OP has epilepsy or just randomly had a grand mal seizure. Either way, the last thing she should probably be doing is drinking alcohol as that can bring on seizures. I have epilepsy, so I speak from experience.

OP: I know from personal experience how terrible it can be after you have a seizure. I always feel scared to be alone, scared I'm going to have another seizure when anything in my body is a 'off' and scared to resume normal life. The longer you wait to resume normal life the harder it is though.

Talk with your H, communicate your needs. Marriage includes lots of compromising.

Also, hang out with some of your own friends when you know your H will be busy. Find a new hobby, volunteer.

Is the public transportation in your town good?

srgw:

JemmaWRX:

I didn't get post-wedding blues so I can't exactly relate.  But, you have to give your husband some slack.  He is allowed to have a life outside of you.  I can imagine it's hard for you since you feel dependent on him.  But realistically, you are only physically dependent on him, you don't need to be emotionally dependent as well.  That's a big burden for any person to bear, including your spouse.

That said, he is not, nor can he be, solely responsible for your happiness.  It seems you are particularly sensitive as it is.  Add stress, medical issues, a sh!t job... your level of sensitivity is bound to heighten.  Just know when it's happening and come up with a strategy to manage it.  If you find yourself becoming irrationally upset with your husband, take a walk, take a bath, go read a book, etc.  Just call a moratorium on the issue at hand, take a breather, and re-address to see if was ever worth being upset in the first place.

Finally, don't be your own worst enemy by moping around, all doom and gloom all the time.  You're not doing yourself any favors here.  So next time, when your friends ask you to go out... GO OUT!  Have fun, have a few drinks, let loose!

It might do you some good to seek the help of a counselor/therapist because it sounds like there is some depression and anxiety involved here.

I don't know if the OP has epilepsy or just randomly had a grand mal seizure. Either way, the last thing she should probably be doing is drinking alcohol as that can bring on seizures. I have epilepsy, so I speak from experience.

OP: I know from personal experience how terrible it can be after you have a seizure. I always feel scared to be alone, scared I'm going to have another seizure when anything in my body is a 'off' and scared to resume normal life. The longer you wait to resume normal life the harder it is though.

Talk with your H, communicate your needs. Marriage includes lots of compromising.

Also, hang out with some of your own friends when you know your H will be busy. Find a new hobby, volunteer.

Is the public transportation in your town good?

I don't have epilepsy, but I did have a seizure in my sleep like 11 years ago, I was 17 and they never figured out why.  This one happened randomly and yes my doctor told me that alcohol can play a part in it.  I usually do go out, happy hours with the girls, or whoever.  I don't have a drinking problem, lol but it just goes hand in hand with things sometimes.  That has slowly stopped since. 

My last one that happened when I was younger didn't really faze me as much, no I couldn't drive and all of that, but mentally and physically I felt the exact same.  This one though, I have just felt so different.  I don't know if its the medicine, the new change in status, or what.  Im sure it freaked him out too, he had never seen anything like that, then less than a week before the wedding here it is. 

I have my own friends, I do usually go out when he's doing things with the guys, that is not a problem!  My husband going out and hanging with his friends is NOT my problem...  I love the fact that he has a hobby that he loves!  I just wish I was more a part of that part of his life.  If that makes me a sad girl because I want to be part of my man's life, especially when it is something he loves so much then fine . 

We have talked about getting me a new job, and we will as soon as I am able to drive again.  I already have one lined up.  Public transportation is not going to work  Riding a bus, by myself, just freaks me out.  I don't live in a terrible neighborhood but that's not happening.. :)  Thanks for your responses... 

CSTK1910:

I obviously don't know what medicine you are taking, but mood changes can definitely be a side effect of anti-epileptics. I would talk to your neurologist to see what they think and to see if you can try something else. Hope you start feeling better soon!

bridget1312:

Thank you! I do go to see him in 2 weeks. I will talk to him about it. :) Things are looking up. Just weird sometimes. Thanks girls for your words.

 I'm so glad you're going to talk to your doctor. From your posts it seems like you have a pretty good life balance available to you and many things will be getting better soon - which makes me think this is a side-effect of medication/seizure. 

Sorry about your boss - crappy bosses just suck all-around. 

Here's a question for you - Have you been treating H differently? Maybe some of his actions are in reaction to changes on your end you never thought about before. I've been guilty of that on multiple occasions, lol.