jessica290:

Anyway, so we opened up a joint house account online after all the wedding money we received so that is a start...but I'm just not sure how people go about sharing accounts and how it works...can someone please explain how they do it to keep everything fair?

 

Simple.....we don't worry about 'fair'.

We take both of our pay checks and put it into one checking account.  From there, we pay all of *our* bills with *our* money.  There are no *his* bills and *her* bills or *his* money and *her* money.

We also have one savings account that we keep in the same bank account with a small fund in it just in case something happens and we need money quickly.  Then at another non-local bank we have our emergency fund and a travel fund.

IMO, you need to quit worrying about everything being "fair." You're now a partnership, not two individuals. Sometimes you will work harder; sometimes he will. Sometimes you'll spend more; sometimes he will. The important thing is that together you define your common goals and both work toward them.

As an example only, what my DH and I do is to automatically transfer a certain amount each month to separate accounts for our blow money. This money is for us to spend or save as we like. It typically goes for hobbies, individual entertainment expenses, weekday lunches, things like that. A couple of years ago, DH was getting more blow money than I because he was working a job that involved a lot of driving, and it was more difficult for him to pack a lunch. Now he's working at a single job site, so we've gone back to making it equal. To us, that is "fair."

Again, IMO, you are treating him like a child. Yes, he has made some foolish money decisions, but it sounds like he agrees that they are foolish and is committing to being more responsible now. The whole "you need to save more because you're behind me" and "I won't consider a house until *you* have enough savings" stuff just sounds petty to me. Set a goal for how much to save as a couple, and work toward that goal from your income as a couple.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. It's great that you are teaching him how to manage money better. It sounds like he needs some of that, not having gotten it from his own parents. I just think there needs to be more accepting where he is now from your side, just like he is committing to do better going forward on his. 

I understand some people keep separate finances for reasons of their own but when DH and I married we became "one".  There was no more "yours" or "mine"...just "ours".

If you nit-pick on "you owe this, and I owe that"  you are setting yourself up for failure (in MY opinion)

 

marianner7:

IMO, you need to quit worrying about everything being "fair." You're now a partnership, not two individuals. Sometimes you will work harder; sometimes he will. Sometimes you'll spend more; sometimes he will. The important thing is that together you define your common goals and both work toward them.

As an example only, what my DH and I do is to automatically transfer a certain amount each month to separate accounts for our blow money. This money is for us to spend or save as we like. It typically goes for hobbies, individual entertainment expenses, weekday lunches, things like that. A couple of years ago, DH was getting more blow money than I because he was working a job that involved a lot of driving, and it was more difficult for him to pack a lunch. Now he's working at a single job site, so we've gone back to making it equal. To us, that is "fair."

Again, IMO, you are treating him like a child. Yes, he has made some foolish money decisions, but it sounds like he agrees that they are foolish and is committing to being more responsible now. The whole "you need to save more because you're behind me" and "I won't consider a house until *you* have enough savings" stuff just sounds petty to me. Set a goal for how much to save as a couple, and work toward that goal from your income as a couple.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh. It's great that you are teaching him how to manage money better. It sounds like he needs some of that, not having gotten it from his own parents. I just think there needs to be more accepting where he is now from your side, just like he is committing to do better going forward on his. 

I agree with all of this.

Money is a difficult issue when you first get married. Me and my wife are just getting better at it. She stays at home so it's hard for me to relate to this entirely. All of my money now becomes our money. We don't worry about keeping things even. We worry about having common goals and working together to achieve them. And sometimes life happens. Don't worry about his past. Create future goals and work together to achieve them. Good luck.

What my husband and I are doing (just got married last month) is we figured out all our bills and figured out a budget. We included house bills & individual bills like car loads.  We're giving ourselves each a weekly allowance that works into the budget. What each of us does with that allowance is our own business. We can save it up for something we want (clothes for me or video game for him) or blow it on going out to lunch each day. Either way, it's money we don't answer to the other for. This money goes into our individual checking/savings account.  The rest of the money goes into a joint checking account for paying bills. We have a joint savings account for emergency fund & for things we are saving up for. He makes more then I do so trying to do everything equal, wouldn't always work out for us.

 One plan that works for many is to have all income auto deposited into a joint checking  account from which all household biills are paid.  Money from that joint account is also transferred into a joint savings.  Addional agreed upon amounts are also transferred into both partners' individual accounts for personal no accountability spending.

 We do a modified version of the above, with several joint accounts in different banks (designated for different purposes) as well as individual saving and checking accounts.

Read Smart Couples Finish Rich by David Bach to help set up a plan that works for you both.  (the initial few chapters will be disuccion questions to ask your self and then share with each other ) - don't skip them. Understanding each person's emotional relationship with money, their values and goals will make your financial plan "fair" to both, even if the specific numbers are not the same.  Fair does not always mean equal.

We both have our own checking and savings accounts, which our paychecks go into. We have a joint savings account for our e-fund. We put money in when we can. I am better at long term planning and saving so the majority of my paycheck goes to retirement and paying off student loans early and other types of debt we may accrue (right now just a TV with 0% interest, but in the past paying off cars).  DH is more organized with monthly bills so he pays the mortgage and other bills. I have never calculated if it is 100% "fair" but after insurance is taken out our take home pay is about the same and we probably spend about the same each month. Works for us to split it this way, there's never a question about who is paying what bill so we aren't risking a late payment/screwing our credit.

We each kept our seperate retirement accounts from before we were married.  We put the wedding money & all but $1,000 each from our respective checking accounts into a joint account.  Sometimes he puts in more money.  Sometimes I do.  I'm self employed & he earns a steady paycheck so there are times when the contributions are unequal.  As someone else pointed out you have to function together now. 

You may also want to talk about spending rules.  How much can one of you spend without consulting the other? Does it matter?  I think we had a "rule" in the very begining but neither of us really spends that much so when one does nobody abides by the "rule" any more.  But we do make big purchases together.

Ours is a little more complicated.  We both have separate checking and savings accounts.  We have two joint checking and three joint savings accounts.  The two joint checking accounts are dedicated.  The one is to pay our home improvement loan so we could save .5% in interest.  The second is to cover vacation and gifts that come out of one of our three savings accounts.  Another joint savings account has money coming from both of us to build an emergency fund for home/vehicle repairs.  The third savings account is tied to our PNC account that we had created when we got our home improvement loan.

I pay her a set amount monthly from my checking account to cover the bills that are all set up in her name.  I am the one that fully funds the vacation/gifts/child expense savings and checking account and the PNC account since I make more money then my wife.

After our living expenses and debts are paid, what ever either of us has left over is used to support the family.  We usually don't do large purchases without at least informing the other we are doing it.