Personally, I think you're over reactin the stripper thing. Unless you're afraid to trust your husband not to go to far with one, or something. In that case, thats a whole different can of worms and you have bigger issues to work through. As for the mud wrestling: Heeell no. Nope, nope, nope. Too close for comfort, and you'd be subjected to watch?! I'd be fuming too!
I agree with this, but I also think that you are setting yourself up to fail as well. You rode in separate cars home, fumed with rage and anger the entire way home and then "erupted" at your husband the moment you got home about this? Christ, you sound like a real peach to come home to. I think you were incredibly harsh toward your husband on this - and I also think that your short leash based on your own self esteem issues is going to hurt you as well.
He needs to leave immediately if strippers show up at the lake house? Really? What are you expecting him to do? Stand up and say "oh, hey, my wife isn't cool with this, I'm going to pack my stuff and go home" in front of all of his friends? I doubt he would do that, from humiliation alone. And if he does leave? Expect that to come up again to bite you in the ass.
You're putting a lot of rules onto your husband, which indicates to me that you either married the wrong guy and should have looked for a guy that had the same values and views as you do on these things or you're being over the top here.
As for the mud wrestling? I'd do more of a "sorry honey, I get that they are doing a redneck wedding but I just feel that the mud wrestling is a bit far and reflects poorly upon both of us, and it would make me very uncomfortable at the wedding, so I'd appreciate it if you bowed out of that one. The beard I'll live with.", than erupting, screaming, ranting and raving about it like a lunatic. Remember here, he hasn't done anything to deserve you erupting at him.