Relationships

Input

Nest Cayla — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:40:09 GMT

We're putting together a couple of focus groups of of favorite Nesties (that's you!) to help us make TheNest.com even better!

Not only will you get to tell us what you want from TheNest.com, you'll get to tour our offices. Oh, and we'll also throw in $50 just for participating!

Dates: There will be 2 focus groups, Wednesday, May 29 and Thursday, May 30

Time: 5:30 to 6:30 p.m.

Location: Our Downtown NYC Offices

Email us at focusgroup@xogrp.com with your date of choice to reserve your spot!

Are secrets really secrets??

RenoisPrettierThanYou — Wed, 22 May 2013 16:32:52 GMT

After reading the betrayed post below, I've been wondering if secrets are ever really secrets. Part of me assumes that whenever I tell someone something, sans my husband, that the person is probably going to tell someone -- spouse, friend, mother. I don't know if it's that I have so little trust in folks or if I'm really just being prepared for the obvious. Do you have secrets told to you by others that you don't tell your SO or someone else close to you?

Date Night

LexiRoxi — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 03:24:03 GMT

My hubby and I try to establish a date night every week. Lately we have been really busy and staying home or doing the usual by going out to dinner and a movie. We love watching movies together, it's our thing. But I want to do something different, and can't think of any ideas. I look online and the ideas are always the same. I want to do something new. We live in Arizona where it's too hot to spend much time outdoors. Any suggestions?

vent

burybuck0489 — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:20:20 GMT

Hi everyone,

I don't need advice or tips of any sort, i need to vent. I found out last night via my brothers fiancee that they had broken up. She later called and explained as to why:

she was going through their banking and paying bills when she came upon his cellphone bill that was a crazy $800! She was confused as to why, and proceeded to ask him, he claimed he did not know, so she phoned the company and asked for them to send her a statement with all text messages/ calls / internet usage. which they did and she was shocked to find out he has been looking at sexual dating sites and is a member of several of them, She confronted him and he said he has been unhappy for awhile but swears up and down he did not cheat, has only looked at these sites, in order to speak to these women you need to pay money to go further, so he feels it is not cheating, just looking. I don't care what he thinks, he went LOOKING for other options than what he currently had. But trying to explain to him what CHEATING is, is like pulling teeth, hes so darn hard headed.

I as his sister am devastated that he would do such a thing. His fiancee and mother of his daughter (who is 1 year today) is incredible, He finally got the family he wanted to have and he blew it, and lied and has caused so much sadness for the family... There is a birthday BBQ for my niece to celebrate tonight and its her mothers side of the family, she as well as their family have encouraged me to still attend, as i am not the one who did wrong and am still very much apart of the family. But i just feel so ashamed right now, being the sister of the cheater...He had it so damn good.. and he claims hes "unhappy And has been for awhile." And when asked "why wasn't this brought up before" he claims "i thought this was easier" It should not be like this, for anyone.

Wtoo Camilla saize 2 for sale

CarolAimo — Thu, 23 May 2013 23:16:06 GMT

Hi, I'm selling my beautiful wedding dress. It's Wtoo Camilla in size 2 in ivory. It's in perfect condition. Let me know if you'd like more pics or details.

$1250

GBCN

burybuck0489 — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:09:25 GMT

A friend suggested i check it out earlier so i sat down and did, and it is nothing but pure ignorance and people are just plain strange there... I don't mean to offend anyone on here that is currently over there, but i'm not sure what i did to piss anyone off but all i did was say a simple hello and was bombarded with rude people... Anyone else?

Advice - Boyfriend MIA after meeting my son

tammiw — Wed, 22 May 2013 16:18:49 GMT

I will try to make this as short as possible. I've been dating this guy for a little over 3 months. He is the sweetest man I have ever been with. We had started talking about the future and he said he was ready to move forward with our relationship and wanted to meet my son. I waited a few weeks after his request and had a small gathering with friends to make it a little easier all the way around. He enjoyed himself, we had time for just the 3 of us after the other guests left. We played games, laughed a ton and just had a great time. I talked to him later that night and he was thanking me saying he had a great time and was excited. I noticed as the week went on he was texting and calling less, so once the weekend came around I asked if something was wrong. He told me he was sorry, he though he was ready. Being confused I asked if he was trying to tell me he didn't want to date anymore and he responded by saying that he was trying to piece that together. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he replied, "no, not yet." I told him I could give him some space and he had no response. That was 9 days ago and I haven't heard from him at all. I tried calling him over the weekend and still no response. Do I assume that that was his way of breaking up? Could he really just be taking this long to 'think'? I don't want to pester him, but really need closure if he wants to end things. How long do I wait to see if he contacts me? Any insight would be greatly appreciated. This situation is breaking my heart. (background: we are both 30 - I am divorced with a 4 year old son)

Should my Mother come to live with us?

tippers007 — Wed, 22 May 2013 22:48:48 GMT

Timeline for my marriage:

- Met in high school (Known each other for 9 years)

- Have been together (romantically) for 6

- Married for almost 3 years

We've just purchased our first home 6 months ago and have been enjoying fixing her up. Recently, however, my mother has lost her house and is desperate for a place to live. Being only the two of us in a 3 bedroom home, logistically it makes sense for her to move in.

I should note: When we first started dating (I was still living at home going to college) he basically lived with my mother and I for 8 months before we moved out together. Also, we lived with her as a married couple for about 6 months just before we purchased our home. My point being that we know what she's like to live with and have not had any issues before. We all get along very well.

As I mention to friends that she will likely move in with us, I get looks of alarm and concern. I know roommates are not always a good fit, but we've already experienced and liked it previously. She'll be paying rent and that will help us pay off more bills. My husband feels confident and looks forward to having someone in the house that enjoys cooking as much as he does. Having grown up with just my mom around, I'm looking forward to having my best friend around more again.

Any input? Am I naive to think it'll work out?

cant get her to orgasm..!

kofash123 — Tue, 16 Apr 2013 05:18:11 GMT

hello ,,

im new in this site &the only reason i joined is to answer my questions & to recieve a professional advice ..

i would like to apologize first of all if the issue im asking about is offensive , i dont know any other way for this kind of advice , im 29 years old i have never ben married ..the first time i had six was when i was 16 , sometimes i think i have enough experience in that field ..

i have met with agirl who has just turned 20 ...& i thought that sex will be amazing due to my long experience & her young age .but the fact was shocking to me .. she appears to be hard to please.. shes much much more experienced than me & she didnt orgasm too..i have tried all i have learned in the past & done for a long time , more than enough & nothing worked out & from my past knowledge i knew it wouldnt help to keep on trying & pushing her to orgasm & show her that im trying harder ..it was out first time & maybe she wasnt comfortable with me ...

all my life i felt good about sex ...& about my performance in bed ...but im afraid i wouldnt be able to please this one ..& if that was true it will end up with a breakup because i cannot keep on enjoying something my partner dosint enjoy..

i have talked with her about this & she said ..that this is normal thing to her & she dosnt reach orgasm usually ..& that it have happened for her only once or twice in her life! & she said that doctors told her that nothing is wrong with her too ..

i hope i have given you enough information & i hope that you can advice me about this ..because i really need to make things work with her ..

im avoiding sexual engagement with her for the time being ..cus i dont want to be disappointed again ...i need advice first because i dont thing she was hiding it or lying about it

I'm so scared I'm going to lose him

hamsterdance — Fri, 17 May 2013 21:12:33 GMT

We got married last August and have been together a little more than 3 years. He just got out of the hospital. He's really really sick. They say they can treat it for now, but he is just deteriorating so quickly. He already takes really good care of himself, so as far as lifestyle changes there just isn't anything more he can do to improve his health.

I have been walking around in a fog. Work has become so difficult. I feel sick to my stomach all the time, and he feels guilty for putting me through this. How do I stop worrying? How do I just let it be and enjoy whatever time there is left? He is only 37. This should not be happening.

Sleeping on the Couch

gapgirl13 — Tue, 21 May 2013 00:53:06 GMT

Husband and I have different schedules. I have to be up early for work, he doesn't. He's always liked to stay up later, that's fine. I don't care. What has really started to bother me, however, is his habit of falling asleep on the couch(after I have gone to bed) and staying there. Sometimes he makes it into the bed eventually(usually around 4 to 6 am) but sometimes he will stay on couch all night and move into bedroom when I get up for work which is 5.30. I have talked to him about this and how I get lonely sleeping by myself all the time. He is an adult and should be able to tell when he is tired enough to sleep and come to bed. I wouldn't mind if it happened every once and a while, but this is every night. There has not been any significant change since I brought up my feelings, and if I say something now(no matter what the tone joking or not) about how he should make it to the bed that night, he gets irritated.

Advice on how to get him to understand better?

Best Friends?

JSP77 — Tue, 21 May 2013 19:34:28 GMT

I have a friend who has been my best friend since we were 15. It was originally 3 of us, Me and Marlo and Mary (they are step sisters). I had the strongest bond with Marlo, we were like sisters and Mary always felt left out. Marlo went through a tough relationship and Mary and I were against it, We tried to give her advice and talk to her about it but it just pushed her farther from us. The woman that Marlo was with was manipulative and abusive lets call her Sarah. Sarah was really jealous of the relationship I had with Marlo, I guess she saw me as a threat since I was so close to Marlo. In the end Sarah told Marlo to stop talking to me or she'll never be with her. Marlo and I are no longer friends.

After Marlo stopped talking to me Mary and I still hung out and we became closer than we were before. We pretty much did everything together but there was somthing off about her. For example I always felt like I had to walk on egg shells around her because she was so quick to "stop talking to me" If I said or did something she didn't agree with, she was also one of those girls who couldn't have a social life and a new man in her life, as soon as she started dating someone I wouldn't hear from her for weeks. She was so mad that I was getting married that she stopped talking to me for 6 months, she called one day and asked me to forgive her that she was wrong and I shouldn't have but I did. Then a short time later she stopped talking to me because she felt like I ignored her birthday, which I didn't I called her and I was supposed to go out with her but she was with a new boyfriend and I honestly felt like i was interfering so I told her we could hang out the next day since she was busy. Instead of telling me "no stay, it's okay we can all go out together" she ignores me for like 2 weeks. And I had to message her and call her multiple times to get it out of her what was wrong!

I had similar problems with Marlo, if I didn't agree with her opinions she would act like I was the dumbest person for not having similar opinions. It's always like walking on egg shells with these two. If you do something they don't like they will not talk to you, that's how they solve problems! I think it has something to do with the way they were raised, because their parents are this way too, whenever they do something "wrong" their parents ignore them and they aren't even children we're talking full grown adults here.

Well I haven't talked to Mary in about 3 weeks because honestly I was tired of always being the one to initiate conversations or hanging out. The last time I did see her we had a great time and made dinner together at her house and promised to hang out soon. I called and texted her yesterday and she didn't respond and today I got on facebook and she has deleted and blocked me! I seriously have no idea what happened and I'm pretty sure she deleted me a while ago because I havent seen her posts in a while.

I don't know why I wrote this, I don't really need advice because I know I will never talk to her again. I'm just wondering has anyone else been in this bizarre situation?

I just don't know

christinita39 — Fri, 17 May 2013 10:28:53 GMT

Me and my girl/fiancé have a great relationship. But she constantly lets her insecurities get her down. She can get all dressed up, look good and let a single thought ruin the whole evening to the point where she doesn't even want to hang out anymore or she gets distant. I don't know what to do to help her see that yeah, she's gained a little weight but she's still, so sexy and attractive to me and everyone around her. She gets compliments from men and woman but she just cant get over that she's not the size 8 that she used to be (she's a size 12 now) and stop letting her thinking ruin our nights out. Also, Even though things are great/perfect between us she always says that things won't always be this way.....she's expecting things to go down hill from here simply because we've been together for two years and things going down hill is "normal" for a relationship. What can I do to help her.......

The ignored birthday

frizzel — Thu, 16 May 2013 15:13:05 GMT

More than anything I need to vent about this situation.

My birthday was last week, and even though I am no longer 5 years old, and don't need to come home to a surprise party with a huge, elaborate celebration...some recognition of the day would have been nice.

I woke up in the morning, went to work and left my husband sleeping in bed. Since we're still newlyweds, I was so excited to see what he had in store for me. Throughout the day he had sent me many (and I mean MANY) texts wishing me a happy birthday, and to be honest, they were getting obnoxious and annoying (I was in meetings all day) but were just pumping me up to see what he had in store for me when I got home.

When my day was done, and I pulled in the driveway, my dogs gave me more love than he did. The house was filthy, he was preoccupied with fixing his bbq, and the worst part is, there was nothing to acknowledge my birthday. No card. No flowers. Not even the $12 plant that I actually really wanted (and had pointed out several times).

It's been a week, and we've fought a few times about me being in a bad mood, but really, I'm actually just upset and annoyed that my HUSBAND dropped the ball. He thinks I'm being dramatic and that it's just a birthday, and almost refuses to see my point of view. For his birthday, we we're in Cuba, enjoying the beach, and I had a custom made guitar stand made for him. I feel I went all out. He seems to think that I ignored him, and that because he cooked some hotdogs on a bbq for a get together with friends, that he compensated me enough.

How the hell do I get it through his thick, difficult & argumentative skull that buying a card and flowers for things like valentines day, birthdays and anniversaries isn't about getting something, but acknowledging a day that's important TO ME?

Ahhh, please tell me I'm not being a whiney ***, and that I'm not the only one who married a clueless man!!

my sex drive is too high for my boyfriend...

CLeigh1994 — Thu, 16 May 2013 16:50:04 GMT

The problem is not him at all. I was wondering if there was any thing I could do to get my sex drive lower at all.

Would this bug you?

Leftie22 — Sun, 12 May 2013 19:07:33 GMT

I'm currently a stay at home mom, and I don't get out much. I don't have a car and there's nothing within walking distance of me, so I only get out for walks, just me and my son. I can deal with it okay, but i start to feel crazy after a couple of weeks of only being in the house. I've been trying to get out a little in the evenings.

The thing that bugs me is that while my DH says he's supportive of me getting out more, when I actually made plans (I went to a two hour jewelry making class), he made a bunch of "jokes" about me cheating on him while I was out. This really ticked me off because a. I wouldn't cheat, b. I get out by myself maybe once a month, and c. It makes me feel like I can't go out without him giving me a hard time.

i confronted him and told him how I feel. He still claims that he supports me going out and it was just a joke. He's done this on two occasions now, and I'm not laughing.

what do you think?

old friends and expectations

chrisandsarahwedding — Sun, 12 May 2013 09:43:16 GMT

Basically I have known these 5 friends since high school and have been close through college as well as afterwards before I met my DH. I asked if my DH could come from time to time, but I sensed they didn't feel comfortable around him. Also on one occasion I asked them to be honest if he could come with, and one said "just bring yourself." Now dont get me wrong, its not like I brought him all the time with me in the first place..so its not like they were sick of him. (plus its not like it was a girls night, one is a man) Anyway, I started to quit inviting DH to things with them, because I figured they didnt enjoy his company when he was there. Also its not like he was a d*** to them, he is the nicest person I know, but he is pretty shy with people he doesnt know very well.

Anyway, I would always go for a few hours and chit chat when I was invited to things, but it never seemed to be enough. I would be with them for 3 or 4 hours, but if I didnt end up going to the movie marathon they planned for that night then I was "leaving too early." Or if they planned a last minute pot luck dinner party while we were already hanging out, I heard about how "you never hang out anymore." I always felt bad because I knew I wasnt living up to the expectations, but I couldnt do what I used to do, I wanted to go home and take care of things that I normally do now, like cook dinner, clean house, and care for my 2 dogs(which are basically my babies). Plus since my H isnt really welcomed most the time, I dont really want to be gone 6+ hours at a time here when he is at home taking care of things. I feel like being gone that long is irresponsible on my part.

Am I being a prude? Personally I believe I am trying to make an effort here to keep in contact and hang out, I literally will jump if they plan something, but I feel like they may be asking for more than someone like me can give. Plus when I am the one planning, I can literally never get them all able to come to what I have planned..thus I hardly plan much myself.

4 out of 5 of these friends havent had boyfriends or relationships at all and still live at home at 27.. and that is the darn honest truth here. Maybe we just cant relate anymore. Hate to see what this will be like when I have actual kids.

Has anyone had issues with having to change things with friends because of new responsibilities? What is the best way to go about this? Maybe I should just move on, but I really want to keep these friendships. Sorry for the long post, eeek!

Baby daddy trouble

SetravisRenard — Fri, 10 May 2013 22:47:47 GMT

he wants to commit suicide I cant help him what do I do. does my baby grow up with out a father or do I have him commited

Am I taking this to personal?

plainoldme79 — Sun, 12 May 2013 02:13:00 GMT

My husband & I are getting more and more distant each day, my husband made a comment about my chest & how I should look when I perform oral, I felt that he wanted me to look like the porn stars do and my chest should be like the girls on a porno. It really hurt my feelings and made me really insecure about my body, I told him how I felt, and he says I'm taking to personal, could I be?

De-friending

Nest Cayla — Fri, 10 May 2013 19:37:54 GMT

A very good friend of mine that i have known for almost a decade keeps doing this:

He's so sweet, he's a social butterfly, a GREAT friend, he's loyal and he's so kind. We have had some close mutual friends, but over all we ultimately have different groups of friends... but the fact that we also had a bunch of friends mutual between us made it fun when we planned trips or parties... Well, slowly he keeps defriending people right and left. When i say "defriending" i don't mean on Facebook. I mean, he literally will say "i don't like that you do this... which is why we can't be friends any more until you make it right". It's a harsh way of communicating, and I'm afraid he will just keep doing this to the people that are most important in his life. He comes to me to tell me about everything, and I'm not going to tell him what he should do or what he should say -- I just listen.

So this is my question for you: when you see someone having a hard time communicating in an adult way, and they keep coming to you to tell you about the details of various situations... when do you jump in to throw your opinion in? Or, do you not? I dont' like to ever give my opinion unless someone asks for it.

Separate Bedrooms

AnthaMayfair — Tue, 07 May 2013 16:50:44 GMT

What do you think?

I have been sleeping in our guest room/office. I guess I just need a lot of space. I wonder if it will hurt my marriage overtime, but I was feeling crowded.

I know this isn't the 50's but..

notyetthere89 — Tue, 07 May 2013 00:46:10 GMT

Is it wrong of me to feel like my SI should be taking care of me more than I take care of him. He thinks it has to be 50/50. Or you know...whenever I need something he should help or visa versa. I'm not saying I don't enjoy doing things for him (which he says I barely do) but I've been taught (I went to a Baptist college) that the male is the main provider and he should do anything in his power to take care of his lady. I've been the main provider for about six months now and although things are more 50/50 financially, it's still not. My SI gets tip money in his job on top of his wages...which he says that money is basically non existant b/c it is for savings. I know we need to save money, but right now when my bank account is 13 dollars I think he could afford to let some go if we have a need or...for example tonight when he WANTED french fries for dinner he made me feel bad about not getting them. I HAVE THIRTEEN DOLLARS and he has at least 100...plus I'm not the one who wanted the fries.

Ok, this could go on and on...I hope you didn't read past the first few sentences.

Should our men be our providers and give more or am I crazy?

Smoking/drinking- long

banda522 — Fri, 10 May 2013 17:15:33 GMT

I have never smoked anything. Ever. No cigarettes, no pot, no cigars. Nothing. I just never had the desire to. I thought they were all gross-smelling. A lot of my family smoked cigarettes and my dad smoked pot on ocassion, so it wasn't like my family would shun me if I tried it. I just never wanted to.
When I turned 21, I didn't really care. I don't really enjoy drinking. I hate the taste of beer, and when I drink mixed drinks, my lips go numb and my shoulders get hot and sore (weird, I know), so I don't drink that often. Maybe once every 3 or 4 months. I don't mind it, and I know there is always someone who is sober(me) when I go out with a group of friends. I enjoy being the responsible one. And I can have a good time when I am not drinking, even if I am around people who are.

DH loves beer. He LOVES it. Not Bud or something- he likes good craft beer. Our city has a pretty good craft beer "scene," so DH likes to go out to different bars and breweries with his friends from school/work and me. Almost every time we go, he will order a "girly" beer so I can try it. If I don't like it, he'll drink the rest. If I do like it, I'll finish and he'll order himself something else. It's never been a problem. He smoked (pot) when he was younger, in his teens, and I have always known about it, but it doesn't bother me. He hasn't smoked pot (to my knowledge) in over 3 years, and has smoked the occasional cigarette when he's out with his friends). It doesn't really bother me- as long as he doesn't pick it up as a habit, I could care less.

Today he asked me why I have never tried pot. All I could say was "I have never wanted to try it and I don't think I'll like it." He said I am not giving it a "fair chance" in saying I don't like it, since I have never tried it. He said "You thought you wouldn't like certain beers, but you tried them and you do like them. So how can you say you don't like smoking?" Again, all I said was "I had the desire to try beer, I don't have the desire to smoke." I don't want to say we were arguing, but he kept pressing the matter. It's like he WANTS me to smoke and that he is upset that I have never tried it. I ended the conversation with "You like to drink, and that's fine. I don't care. If you wanted to smoke, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but you are an adult and can make your own decisions. You can make the decision to smoke/drink just as much as I can make the decision not to. If it's what you want to do, then do it."

I feel like he is annoyed that I don't want to smoke or drink more often. It's ok that I don't want to, right? I just don't feel like it really serves a purpose.. Like I said, if he wants to, that is his decision to make. But just because he wants to, doesn't mean I need to, also, right?

Not sure what Normal is anymore

TXDTmom — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 20:53:35 GMT

I moved to TX about 10 years ago to get married, we had dated long distance for a year. The first year was pretty good but then it started going downhill. The name calling started, I have been called everything and I mean everything. My nickname is Chubby, I asked him not to call me that and he said, why, it's true. We are also a blended family and his ex is a horrible person. He wouldn't introduce me to her for several months after we were married. I would have thought that she would want to meet the step mother to their young son. We have been on a roller coster ride all of these years. We have been to counseling, the last one threw his hands in the air and said he is going to be who he wants to be and so are you so you are going to have to find a common ground and I don't think I can help you anymore. Other counselors that I have been to have told me that he has a narassistic personality and our marriage was doomed. I am starting to think that they are right.

Lately he has been irritated with me because he wants me to come home from work, take a shower, put on fresh makeup and a sexy outfit and walk around the house in stripper shoes and he doesn't care if the kids are around (13 boy 18 girl). He says that I need to do this no less than 4 times a week. This just seems extreme to me. The other thing he wants me to do is go out with other couples (swingers), he says that I should be bi because that is what he would be if he were a female. He expects me to cook all of his meals and tells me that I don't know how to be a wife and he can understand why my ex left me. I keep thinking that this can't be normal behavior. He also tells me that I have no personality and that nobody likes me (I do have friends that seem to like me just fine).

He doesn't think that there is anything wrong with the things that he says to me. Is this normal? Do other husbands treat their wives this way? I am so confused!

Need a parents perspective

CowgirlK39 — Wed, 08 May 2013 02:45:21 GMT

We have another couple that we hang out with, who met through my DH. The girl, Katie, is a single mom of a four year old. Lately it has been a bit frustrating because when we get together, she brings her son, and many times its just not appropriate. We were invited to a friends house for dinner a few weeks ago, and when Katie and her bf showed up, they also brought FIVE KIDS with them. She was supposed to be baby sitting but wanted to come to the dinner too, so she brought the whole clan with her. I do not mind kids, but what I do mind is when other adults are expected to entertain them. The whole time after dinner, Katie was kissy facing with her new bf and all the rest of us were playing with the kids because they were running wild and getting into everything.

Last nite another couple invited everyone over for drinks and a bonfire. Sure enough, Katie showed up with her son and nephew, and then later left and came back with some other relatives kid. It sucks because we all just wanted to quietly kick back and enjoy some adult company. None of our other friends have young children, and the couple that invited us over do not even like kids. We were playing pool and she made her bf stop the game he was playing with DH to teach her kid to play. So once again, we were supposed to entertain her kid.

Are we wrong to be annoyed? I understand that maybe she doesn't have a lot of child care options but I feel like she should ask, or just stay home if she has so many kids with her. Our friends were so mad when they saw her and the kids yesterday, and it in turn made her mad. Is anyone else the only one of their friends who have kids?