Married Life

What do you wish you knew before you were married?

TheNewIDo — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:22:30 GMT

I've been wondering if we understand what marriage is about before we marry. In some ways, how can we — we have to be in it to experience it, right? We know quite a bit about married life if we’ve carefully observed our parents’ marriage (and what teenager hasn’t?) and the marriages of our friends (I'm not sure we should be paying attention to celebrity marriages). But, is there something you wish you knew about marriage before you said "I do"? And, even if someone told you, would you have paid attention?

New here!

Benny618 — Thu, 23 May 2013 17:33:56 GMT

Hello!

I used to be very active on The Knot, and after getting married a few weeks ago I'm so depressed that it's over, that I can't get myself to go back on The Knot! So, I thought I'd try out The Nest and meet you guys over here! Moving forward and focusing on how happy I am to be MARRIED!

It's definitely a bit different over here, with no generic "chit chat" board, so I've been lurking and trying to figure out which boards I'm interested in.

Is this site mostly women as The Knot seemed to be? Any tips for a newbie here? I look forward to getting to "know" you all!

Can anyone help me with my siggy?

banda522 — Thu, 23 May 2013 20:48:02 GMT

I am trying to put a picture there... I followed the instructions on TK, but it isn't showing up...

Thanks!

Tired of doing everything.....

leamide — Thu, 23 May 2013 00:44:28 GMT

I don't know if I'm in a rut or what, but I am getting tired of doing or being the one who starts all the daily household chores. I have tired everything to get my husband to help out without me having to ask him for help, but I just don't know what to do anymore. If I leave the laundry, the garbage can overfill, or let the house cleaning go, it either gets piled up or he calls me and asks me to start the laundry or cleaning.

I have suggested we make a chart up and to mark off when projects are completed each week, suggested we make a menu up for the week to help us with dinner plans, asked him to just do his laundry and nothing helps. He tells me after I do the task he was going to get to it, but I have tried letting things go and nothing works.

We work about the same amount of hours, my jobs is more mental and his job is more physical, so its not like either one of us is over worked.

I need help before I get too frustrated!!!

Getting Through the 1st Year

srfr8908 — Thu, 09 May 2013 14:07:18 GMT

Everyone told me that the 1st year would be hard, and that then the 7th year is hard, too. What are you finding/did you find about the 1st year? Is/Was it difficult?

How can we get back the honeymoon phase?

tiffye85 — Sun, 05 May 2013 07:47:40 GMT

Me and my husband got married last September. About a week after our wedding my mother-in-law was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. We have been together on and off since high school, and she was like a second mother to me. We lost her the week before Christmas. I guess I just feel that we got our "honeymoon phase" ripped away from us, but then feel selfish for thinking that. We held off on our honeymoon and went in April of this year, which was a blast. I just feel like the cancer stress, plus the stress of our jobs, extra bills, debt etc..we never got that time to be lovey dovey and enjoy each other. He has moments where I can tell he misses her, but he doesn't talk about it a lot. He works a full time job and 2 part time jobs. And I have a full time and part time. I own a house, but moved to live with him. We currently pay rent and a house payment, so the jobs at this point are needed. I know money isn't everything, but it's hard to get ahead. Maybe we just need to slow down to get our spark back? We sometimes will go 3 weeks without time off together...how do you plan romance between all of that? I'm scared that we are already in a rut because of all that has happened in our first 6 months of marriage. Any advice?

Dealing with death the day after my wedding

ashleyat87 — Tue, 07 May 2013 14:11:49 GMT

My wedding day memories aren't quite what I thought they would be. The actual wedding was beautiful. Perfect. Everything I wanted it to be. The morning after my wedding, I was awoken by a phone call from my mom. She was hysterical. She screamed into the phone all of my worst nightmares. My nephew and ring bearer, only 19 months old, had passed away in his sleep, on the night of my wedding.

This little boy was absolutely everything to my family. My heart wrenches in pain every time I think of him. My sister, his mother is my best friend and was my maid of honor. She lives close to me and I see her family many times a week. I don't have children of my own yet, so Ethan, her son was very special to me. Not only am I in severe pain over his loss, but every time I think of my wedding, look at the photos or video, I feel even more pain. I hate my wedding and everything about it. I hate that I spent so much time planning that one day in my life while Ethan's life was on a countdown and would end just hours after my wedding. I wasn't spending as much time with him as I usually would have and I feel like I missed out on spending time with him that I can never get back.

We don't know what happened to him. The doctors can only assume SIDS. To add to my sister's horror, she lost a full-term baby 4 years ago. Ethan was her sunshine after losing Paige. Our lives have been forever turned upside down. It's been 7 months since my wedding. Since Ethan passed away. It doesn't get better with time, and nothing makes it feel better. Life is so incredibly cruel and unfair.

One thing I can say, is that I married one amazing man. Although I have horribly bitter feelings about our wedding. I love my husband and couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. I just want to forget our wedding and erase the pain associated with it, but that would mean forgetting Ethan, and I wouldn't dare. On day 1 of our marriage, our lives were forever rocked.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this before, or know someone who has? I feel like I am living such an unusual case and no one can relate.

Marriage changing a relationship

EricaOO — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 15:22:02 GMT

My H and I will have been married exactly 9 months this Saturday. 9 months does not seem like a long time to me but the way things have changed, you'd think we have been married 9 years!

DH got a new job days before our wedding and he works odd hours. I attributed his crazy work schedule to the fact that we now only have sex about once a week. I've accepted that. Fine. But now I just feel like he does not put in the effort like he did when we were dating. I know this is not unusual but it makes me feel like those affectionate, sweet days are gone and we haven't even been married that long! There was a time that we'd get in bed in the evening, watch tv, cuddle, all night. No more. He used to be more flirtatious/touchy. When he sensed something was bothering me, he'd make sure to get it out in the open. Now it seems like he doesn't care to talk about it. I'm starting to feel less attractive but tell myself I'm being silly. There are no real problems in our marriage (in fact, I still LOVE being married and I do have fun with him) but I'm just surprised by how things have changed so quickly. I mean not even a year ago, we were just dating. Anyone else feel this way?

Random question

banda522 — Tue, 21 May 2013 13:27:04 GMT

Tomorrow is our 3 year anniversary. I wanted to make cinnamon rolls for DH before work, as a surpise for him. The only issue is, I go to the gym at 6 am, and then go straight to work after that, so I would have to make them around 5:00. He doesn't get up until around 8:30. How can I keep them warm after I cook them? I am not comfortable with leaving the oven on (worried that he might forget to turn it off before he goes to work).

Any suggestions?? TIA!

Oldie but goodie. I don't even remember my nest name

FussMom — Mon, 20 May 2013 22:03:10 GMT

But hello all the same.

To cruise or not to cruise

sweetbaby718 — Sat, 18 May 2013 03:27:47 GMT

My dh and I have been married for 1 1/2 yrs, and have a beautiful baby boy. With the stressors of work, having a baby and the fact that the coming summer months are very busy at work for me, we recently booked a much needed cruise, for the first week of June. Fortunately, my mother watches our son and would do so while we are away.

Two days after booking the cruise I received notification that my aunt was hospitalized with a brain tumor. Needless to say my mother has been worried sick and a nervous wreck. My aunt resides overseas and has no one else but her brother (my uncle) to care for her. My mother intends on traveling to see and care for her sister. I too want to see her, especially since I haven't seen her in over 10 yrs, she is very dear to my heart.

My aunt needs help now, not to mention she feels very alone. If my mother and I go, it would overlap with the scheduled cruise with my husband. The airfare to visit my aunt is expensive and the more we get into June, even more expensive. When I presented to my dear husband the before mentioned he got angry. He says my mother and I are making more, thinking the worst. Since my aunt was discharged, my husband feels she is not in danger ( she is actually at risk for convulsing which can be deadly as per dr). My sensitive husband also states that its not fair to him, that its our vacation and that I'm being unreasonable for not compromising. His compromising suggestion: that we go after the cruise. He also reiterates tha we will lose the money paid for the cruise, which is true since the cruise is three weeks away and my aunt is no longer in the hospital.

i feel so hurt and angry as to how insensitive and selfish he is being. Sometimes in a marriage one has to sacrifice, but in this case when it directly impacts him, he wants me to "compromise". Am I being unreasonable or expecting too much fom my husband?

Feeling like a maid. (Long Post)

kerriqueen — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 18:58:13 GMT

I am having an issue that is really stressing me out and I just want a third party perspective.

I am currently a stay-at-home mother of three children ages 6, 2, and 1 years old. I mentioned to my husband once upon a time that being a stay-at-home parent is a full time job. You NEVER get a break. He claimed that his engineering design job is harder than being a stay-at-home parent. I shrugged it off and said, "Well I guess we won't ever know each other's jobs unless we actually did each other's jobs."

Just today, he told me that I should dedicate 40-hours per week cleaning and doing housework with doing no leisure activities in between. He said, "You said that being a stay-at-home parent is a full time job, so I think you should do that."

He thinks that I sit around ALL DAY and do NOTHING. When in reality I am chasing three kids, trying to teach them new things, cooking, cleaning, laundry to no end, grocery shopping, and anything else you can really think of. And then when he comes home, dinner is ready and he will wait until I get his plate full of food and serve it to him.

I don't know if I'm just being overly dramatic or what, but I really feel like forcing me to dedicate 40 hours per week to JUST cleaning and housework because I'm a "stay-at-home-mom" and then having to document it for when he comes home so he can "see" what I've done, it just seems like he married me to be his maid and not his wife. :/

First Anniversary

Jlfoster0427 — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:10:37 GMT

Hi everyone,

My first wedding anniversary is coming up on May 26th. My husband and I decided to spend about $100 on each other. I did a shutterfly book of some wedding pictures and honeymoon photos. The place we got our wedding cake is remaking our top tier of our wedding cake for free and we will be enjoying a bottle of champagne from out wedding night that we saved. We will also be enjoying a nice dinner out which is not included in the budget. I am having problems trying to think of things to get my husband. An anniversary is more of a spend a great night together event than a gift giving event for me. Anyone have any ideas of gifts for a first anniversary for a husband?

Interview attire for hot climates

talors511 — Wed, 15 May 2013 02:51:41 GMT

Hi Everyone! I'm revving up my job search and may possibly have an interview very soon. I am originally from up North but currently live in Florida, female and have a black suit that I usually wear which is a skirt, white shirt and a jacket. I have worn this suit for interviews here in Florida, but it is way too hot! Luckily my interviews have been in well climate controlled offices, except for one, where I was so hot I couldn't concentrate. That was my last one and I've decided I can't wear the suit anymore. I have a dress that I wore to my brother's wedding - the whole dress is black and it is sleeveless. The bottom hits just above the knee.

similar pic here

I would like to use it for interviews, but I'm afraid sleeveless is possibly inappropriate? It is a very professional looking dress, but I'm just not sure. I know I can't wear the suit again (especially that we will be in the 90s later this week).

What would you do if your husband vomited on you?

sprint3310 — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 01:20:02 GMT

The ladies over at StuntedAdults are killing it with the humor again.

This story absolutely slayed me -- she's right that the moment you realize that you love your husband is usually not all hearts and rainbows.

Check it out!

http://stuntedadults.com/2013/04/09/i-know-what-love-is/

Ms. or Mrs.

linnae939 — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:37:24 GMT

I have not changed my name, can I still use Mrs? I am excited to be married and want to show it off a bit...but since I am still Linnae A. and hubby is Carl B...Can I be Mrs. A? Or do I have to be Ms. A? This wouldn't bother me (nor would the name change) as much if I weren't a teacher...I feel most jobs your first name will suffice, but I am faced with my name change, or lack there of, 100 times a day. Thoughts?

For married couples without kids....

jessica490 — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 15:24:21 GMT

How often do you hang out with other couples? You can give any details if you would like.

And would you get upset if you can't seem to get together with another couple due to them always being busy

This board sucks!!!

kptinker — Mon, 06 May 2013 22:15:33 GMT

A few pleasant people for the most part, nothing but a bunch of ignorant @$$#013$ and that's an understatement.

No need to block me or anything like that. I'm gone.

When Did You Start Feeling "Married"?

MindyMWM2012 — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 19:38:43 GMT

My husband and I have not been married very long, but people keep asking us "does it feel any different now that you are married"? We moved out of the country together before we got engaged and have had a joint checking account for a while. We have cats and had lived together for two years previously..

I think when I imagined our wedding in my head, there was supposed to be some sort of life altering change after we exchanged rings. However, right after our ceremony both of us agreed that there wasn't any change and that we are still just us.

We keep using "husband" and "wife" when addressing each other at home to be cute, but there still doesn't seem to be any difference in our relationship. A co-worker of his said that is a good thing since we are already so close.

When did you and your spouse start feeling married instead of together? Was it after a certain amount of time? After a certain life event?

Wife Can't get off the Nest

Solomongrundy1 — Sun, 28 Apr 2013 21:45:12 GMT

My wife spends every waking moment and a lot of time on the nest. I tell her about it and she gets mad at me for letting her know. I understand that some people may have insight to things but she seems more voyeur than curious. It's really starting to bother me. How do I get her to chill and unplug and join reality for a little while?

becoming Mrs. - what to do about the middle name?

TeamBLT — Thu, 09 May 2013 13:01:50 GMT

Hi everyone,

Just got married April 20 and am about to embark on the name changing process. While I've decided to take my husband's last name, I keep going back and forth on whether to make my maiden name my new middle name, or to keep my original middle name and drop my maiden name altogether.

I like my current middle name, and think it flows better than subbing in my maiden name, however I'm concerned about losing the identity associated with my maiden name.

For any girls who dropped their maiden name completely, did you have any issues with employers or friends recognizing you? Did you informally do the hyphen last name at work? How was the transition?

Help!

Newbie here!

banda522 — Tue, 07 May 2013 16:36:51 GMT

Hi everyone! I am a newbie to TN (although I have lurked for a little while to get the feel of the boards here). I married my high school sweetheart in May 2010 (I can't believe it's already been three years!). We have 1 furbaby (a cat, named Evie), and will be closing on our very first house at the end of this month. We definitely want children (2 girls, if we could pick!), but we're waiting a few more years since we are still very young and DH is still finishing up school to be an engineer/architect. We are very close to his family, but have an odd/strained relationship with most of my extended family...

I joined just to get to know other married couples and see what married life is like for others our age (got married when we were 19/18- so now we are 22/21) since we don't have any married friends that are our age in our circle of friends.

Anyway, hi!!

Is it a real GBCN?

doglove — Tue, 07 May 2013 13:27:47 GMT

Because that would be nice.

Time Sucks (Just a Vent Really)

Golden42 — Fri, 03 May 2013 02:37:22 GMT

So, as a background: DH and I have been married for a year and a half, and I'll turn 29 in November. It is our plan to start TTC when I turn 30. In the meantime, we have bought a house, paid down some student loans, and doing some other things we want to do.

The thing is this. My grandma, who I'm very close to, is having health issues. My other grandma, who if I'm totally honest was not the greatest when she was in her right mind, has dementia. Even though we were never that close, it still stings when she doesn't remember me. DH's awesome grandma is also having health problems.

I know that they are getting older, just as I am. But I broke down a bit today because the thought of my son or daughter not getting to know these ladies really breaks my heart. I know that's not a good reason to move up TTC. We won't. I know that they may still get to see my kid. I hope so. But you know, time does just suck sometimes.

Not really much of a question here, although I'll take any thoughts you have. Just needed to get it out.

What is she thinking?

kptinker — Mon, 06 May 2013 13:36:08 GMT

Two things happened this weekend. I welcome your comments.

Saturday night I had a romantic evening planned. A fire going in the backyard pit, Skewered hotdogs slowly cooking and a bag of marshmallows ready for roasting. She brought out two glasses of wine, and music playing in the background. After some time she says she is a little chilly and is going to get a sweater. Five minutes turns into ten then fifteen minutes. When I went inside I found her in the laundry room folding clothes.

It was a beautiful day Sunday, and there was plenty of work to do. While I was cutting the grass, she did some things inside, then came outside. I helped her take some things in from one of the cars, then went back to the grass. After finishing in the backyard, I went in to get a drink before cleaning everything up. I think it was about 5:30 and she was just getting out of the shower and got in her pj's. I went back outside to finish up. About an hour later when I went out front, I noticed one of the cars has been washed, and the other was covered with a layer of pollen.

Would I have a right to be upset by either scenario?