Trouble in Paradise

No ring - is this insane?

almost_mrs._culotta — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:33:58 GMT

Ok. Lay it on me.

When we got engaged, DH couldn't afford to get me a ring as we had just graduated from high school. So, we got little silver ones as placeholders until we could do the real thing.

We just had our 5-year wedding anniversary, and I still don't have one. Even though there have been times where we definitely had the means.

Is it crazy of me to think that he just doesn't care enough to do it? I asked him about it the other day and he told me the one he wants to get me is too expensive so he wants to wait until we can afford it. I told him the cost didn't matter to me and I'd be fine with a less expensive ring, but he insists that I must have the expensive one. I even offered to just go for a placeholder ring that had a stone in it, but he still insisted on the expensive one.

In the meantime, he has no plans for going to college so that he can get a decent job in order to buy me said expensive ring. I know for a fact we do not have the means for an expensive one right now (I'm talking over 1k - we just had a baby last year), so he would need to make this sort of change so we could afford it.

This is a long story made short, but reading the short, do you think it's crazy of me to think that he just doesn't care enough to do it? To make that kind of investment in me and our son? I don't know if he realizes how many things are tied to it, that it's a symbol that means so much more than just that I'm married. When I look at a woman with a nice engagement ring, I always think that her DH/FI must really love her, to have gone through school and worked hard in order to buy it for her. I can't help feeling like he doesn't love me enough to do that.

Please do tell me if I'm being stupid, I know it's really just a hunk of metal...I have just been waiting a very long time for it.

Follow-up to TIP

SweetSoul089 — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 04:33:57 GMT

Original post: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26303134.aspx

I had my counseling session yesterday and I brought up the anger I am still feeling over DH not being there for me when my mom was in the hospital along with the new anger of him not even getting paid for working instead. She recommended a counselor I hadn't heard of for us to see and I set up an appointment for next Friday.

Yesterday and today I had drama with MIL http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/26451295.aspx so DH and I didn't talk about this again until late tonight.

During our talk DH basically told me I either need to get over it or just leave. He said he can't change it, I can't change it and no amount of talking about it is going to make it better. He said he apologized and if that's not good enough then there's nothing more to discuss. He said he is tired from work, stressed out about being OOT, stressed with dealing with MIL, stressed worrying if I am okay and he can't deal with any more stress.

I told him I made us an appointment to see a counselor next Friday and he said that he'd go but it's not going to change anything. I want to be able to understand why he made the choices he did and figure out a way to make this relationship work (if we can) knowing that I won't ever get over it. He basically just said that if I am thinking about ending our relationship then that's what I should do. He "doesn't want to force me to stay with him".

So right now I am at a complete loss. I don't know if he is being an a$$ because he is stressed, if he really doesn't care or if he just still doesn't see anything wrong with the situation. I am already on semi-bedrest and this added stress from MIL and DH is not helping matters any. I can't just let the stress from the hurt and anger I feel continue until it's convenient for him (I KNOW that isn't good for me being pregnant), but I'm not getting anywhere trying to talk to him either. I just don't know what to do right now.

Any advice/suggestions would be welcome.

anybody else frustrated w/ DH today?

almost_mrs._culotta — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 21:49:00 GMT

He woke up crabby, I woke up happy, now I'm crabby too. Wtf??

I cannot stand...

jkmcnamara — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 01:34:02 GMT

DUMB DRIVERS!

Today, I was driving to the movie theater (saw The Blind Side, great movie!) and my friend was with me. I look both ways (it's a four lane road) and ask Robin (my friend) if I was clear her way. She says yes. The truck coming towards me puts on their turn signal and begins making a right turn.

I can't see any other cars coming, so I start to make my left turn. SUPRISE! Some tiny blue car was tailgating the truck and when the truck tried to turn, they tried to pass them on the left. This chick was not only passing while speeding and tailgating, but was also on her cell phone. We came *this* close to crashing.

I hate when tiny cars tailgate large vehicles....you can't seem them! UGH. Vent over :)

It's a wonderful life!

jkmcnamara — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 00:56:16 GMT

I'm sitting here, watching Christmas movies, sharing a pan of still-warm Rice Krispy Treats and hot apple cider with my wonderful DH. He is wonderful today because he made supper while I sat on my butt watching Christmas movies and playing The Sims 3.

What, no STF posts yet?

gaultry — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:23:46 GMT

C'mon people.

I will not be getting any this weekend. Friggin' period. I do plan on some make-out time, though, which is sometimes just as good.

I have a TMI STF confession but I will leave it until other people participate. Can't let it all out at once, you know.

Am I Being Crazy?

tribalbutterfly — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:24:22 GMT

DH told me last night that he was thinking about sending me on a week long vacation with my best friend and her husband's family (all girl vacation), for my birthday gift. My BF and her husband's family are being paid for, so we would have to pay for my flight, room, and food (not an issue).

The reason I feel horrible is that I am hesitant about going, but I cannot pin-point a reason why, and I did not give DH the reaction he was hoping for. For the last 2 days I have been thinking about why i'm being this way and I can't figure it out, and I am only stressing DH out even more. I also feel bad because my BF really wants me to go so she wouldn't have to spend as much time with her MIL.

The only thing I can think of is that I have never traveled/flown without DH, and as a kid I always hated spending time away from my family (sleep-overs, summer camp, etc...).

I don't really know what kind of advice i'm looking for, just help! Part of me wants to go and is excited, but part of me is just being a stick in the mud. BTW, the vacation is to Hawaii, am I crazy for even thinking about not going!?!?

Favorite time for sex?

mariedaigle — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:36:07 GMT

I want to know![Please visit the site to access the poll]

Mrs.Amb

SweetSoul089 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 20:43:22 GMT

How is everything with your SIL? T&P's still heading her and your families' way!

Do you have any relatives you love, but don't ever really want to see?

ReturnOfKuus — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:25:36 GMT

And is that kind of, well, all of them?

Just wondering.

AW: I have an awesome BF (for tonight anyway)

fredpuma — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 07:16:21 GMT

My boyfriend took me and my cousin/bestfriend to see New Moon tonight and suffered quietly through all of the "awwwwwww"s and "oooooooo"s without bitching even once, then we had awesome, awesome, awesome sex... and THEN he went to the bar with me to meet up with a bunch of my friends (it was someone's birthday). He's normally pretty anti-social, and it just so happens that the bar that I absolutely love (the one we went to) is the one bar in the area that he hates, so it was extra nice that he went without throwing a hissy-fit. He drank a beer and then went home, and then came and picked me up later when I was ready to go.

I know this probably seems like normal decent boyfriend behavior for most people, but I've had such a bad history that this is just totally awesome to me. Plus I'm a little buzzed, so that contributes to the overall good-feeling-ness of the night.

So anyway- goodnight! I'm off to bed.

What if..............

IsabellaSoprano1 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:23:31 GMT

You were married and you didn't work. Your husband was the bread winner and makes a TON of money. You have an unlimited amount of money for shopping, mani-pedi's,facials, trips with the girls, etc.,etc.. You know he is cheating on you. What do you do, stay with him because you have no money worries, he provides everything for you? Or do you get a job and try to make it on your own?

Happy thoughts are needed!

Mrs.AMB — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 03:02:29 GMT

So I just found out that my SIL is in pre-term labor; she's only 28 weeks. They gave her the medicine that is supposed to slow down labor (can't think of the name) and it hasn't worked at all. She's already 4cm dilated and having regular contractions. Her doctor said she's in the hospital until the baby is born.

Just think happy thoughts for us!

Am I Crazy...

tribalbutterfly — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:32:26 GMT

DH told me yesterday that he was thinking about sending me on a week long vacation, to Hawaii, with my best friend and her husband's family (all girl vacation), for my birthday gift.

The only thing I can think of is that I have never traveled/flown without DH, and as a kid I always hated spending time away from my family (sleep-overs, summer camp, etc...).

Part of me wants to go and is excited, but part of me is just being a stick in the mud. Am I crazy for even thinking about not going!?!?

Those of you who are forever 12 years old

imoan — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:46:13 GMT

New Moon was INSANELY good! Blew Twilight out of the water.

The excitement of just being there last night was great. We did a late dinner and then went to the theater to wait in line (we have purchased our tix WEEKS ago and my friend picked them up for us earlier yesterday). We sat, drank soda, ate candy and played the New Moon board game (yes, we are THOSE people).

When we got there, they had opened a few theaters that they were allowing people to sit in regardless of what theater their ticket said (all 16 theaters were playing it where I went). We tried but there weren't 5 seats together so we stuck in line.

At about 10:45 or so- they allowed us into the theater. I'm glad I got my soda when I did. If I had gotten it after we were let into the theater- I would've been SOL or I would've missed the first 20 mins of the movie. I was insanity.

There were over 20 minutes of previews... people FREAKED when the preview for RPatz's Remember Me came on. They had theater employees coming in and having us so who was on Team Edward and Team Jacob. It was just cool to see so many people so excited.

As I said- the movie did NOT disappoint. I am DYING to see it again already. I had sweet dreams of Taylor Lautner shirtless. I woke up in jail.

So for your Twihards (or not-so-Twihards)... I HIGHLY recommend you see it! And the sparkling thing was SOOOO much more well done. He doesn't just look sweaty anymore.

Yikes! Dinner with the enemy...

allsmilz82 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 22:36:35 GMT

Ok, 'enemy' is probably a little strong and childish. SO and I are going to dinner tomorrow with small group of friends which will include baby mama's BFF. For those of you who saw my post a couple days ago, you might undertand my angst. Might as well be going to dinner with baby mama herself, since we all know the details of the entire night will be shared! Sh!t.

So, of course I'm freaking out about what I'm supposed to wear, and how to keep my charming personality in check.

Just venting....

Flame me, Please!

kmlluvnmh — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:10:59 GMT

I am slightly jealousE of the preggies. I don't really know why because I am not jealous of the heartburn, uncomfortable sleeping positions, the extreme fatigue from running after a 2 year old, the L&D. Maybe it is the aspect of creating a new life.

Defense of cannibalism

smock.smock — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:12:33 GMT

Sarah Palin says "If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?" (on pg. 133 of her new book)

So I guess she's saying it's okay to eat humans?

Anyone here?

JustLes — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 02:14:01 GMT

I can't post when I'm at work during the day and the board seems dead once I'm home in the evening. My husband and I are having a quiet Friday night at home and I'm bored, but too tired to do anything productive.

What are all of you up to?

Is this bad?

IsabellaSoprano1 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:32:00 GMT

In my refrigerator right now I have the following:

3 bags of cheddar cheese, 4 bags of mozz.cheese, one bag of string cheese, a container of feta cheese, a block of goat cheese, 2 blocks of mont. jack and colby, 3 cream cheeses, and about 5 slices of american cheese. I think I like cheese.

To inspire sexy time

Lhalsey315 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:11:55 GMT

some eye candy

I refuse

Lhalsey315 — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 00:13:14 GMT

to listen to Christmas music before Thanksgiving has even arrived. That is just the way it is. Also please do not put up your Christmas lights yet we haven't even had our Turkey dinner.

I don't like your tone b!tch.

Motzie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:28:05 GMT

Wtf. This woman from a doctors office that steadily refers patients to us just called and left a super cvnty message. Its like she completely forgot the conversation we had a few days ago. She was asking about 5 or 6 referrals she sent down "over a month ago" and why haven't they heard back... I spoke to her Tuesday or Wednesday saying I'd never gotten those and she checked her queque and they were all still pending to be faxed. So she apologized and re-sent them all.

Now today she leaves a super b!tchy message.

Random PIP post

Lhalsey315 — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:35:21 GMT

I have joined the ranks of the fUGGly - PIP o' me

mgmooney — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 19:29:19 GMT

Best attempt at modeling them

from the website