Trouble in Paradise

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

j-harvey — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 15:37:47 GMT

I'm surprised at the number of people who thought repeatedly overspending, hiding debt, and only revealing it when she was about to get caught would result in a calm, carrying, productive discussion. How would that even go? "When you repeatedly betray my trust and threaten the security of our family, I feel hurt because I realize our entire life together is a sham and I feel worried because I don't think you have the appropriate moral code to be raising our children." This reminds me of someone I know who had an affair and thought the deal breaker was her husband calling her a slut.

Kudos to those who could turn such a confession into a loving discussion.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

PartiallySunny — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 12:32:20 GMT

imoan:

PartiallySunny:

Just shows how different we are, Imoan.

Wow... that was pretty holier-than-thou!

I'm sorry that is how I came off. That is not how I ment it!

I ment you are more of a screamer and I am not (or at least I try not to be. Not saying I've never yelled when I've been upset. Just saying I try really hard not to).

Doesn't mean I think I'm better for it. Just two different types of people and personalities.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

feinicstine — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 12:08:08 GMT

Motzie:
Wow. I love the "8k isn't a lot of money" responses. Um, maybe not for some people, but it's a lot of money to blow and have NOTHING to show for it. Whether you can afford it or not, the hiding, lying and having nothing make it a lot of money.

For real. We have $500 on our credit card and that is the extent of our debt and I hate it. If DH dropped $8k of hidden det I'd be livid, $45k and I'd be in jail.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

BookMaven — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 03:23:40 GMT

I think this is just as serious as sexual infidelity. If my H had an affair I'd probably say something like, "And did you think of your family, your children? You threw it all away.. for what?"

That said, I don't know what he said to her and what he heard. I would barely be able to form a coherent sentence. I also think if I tricked my H out of nearly 50k and financially ruined our family, I wouldn't care so much about his words. There are no words.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

FroggyFarts — Wed, 11 Apr 2012 02:28:39 GMT

I was already Team Husband before I got to the amount of the previous debt.

She only confessed the first time because she would be exposed as they applied for home loans.

Five years later, they're STILL paying on her last lie (which we later find out is 37K!). Now, she pops up with 8k more debt and once again, is only confessing because they're refinancing their home to *drum roll* pay it off quicker.

Are you kidding me?! I'd flip my lid. Initially, I felt that his reaction was way over the top, but I'm also in a relationship where we don't say extremely nasty things to each other -- even angry.

Hearing that she's rang up 45k in total debt in five years, I'd be divorcing her as well.

She should have been getting help after the first instance. And she's only confessed both times when he would have caught her. Just awful.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

BowiesInSpace — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 23:08:21 GMT

pedantic_wench:
Can someone give me a sound, rational reason as to why this wouldn't constitute automatic divorce?

If someone has a spending addiction AND seeks treatment for it AND makes every effort to make amends, I can see trying to make it work. Not saying that's the case in this particular post, just in general. I can be sympathetic towards those who are really struggling with an addiction and trying to keep it to themselves. I understand it to a degree.

However.

If the debt is not because of an addiction, or the offending party doesn't seek treatment, or has a cavalier attitude about the effects, then it's simply a no-go.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

smock.smock — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 22:03:35 GMT

pedantic_wench:
Can someone give me a sound, rational reason as to why this wouldn't constitute automatic divorce?

Uh, maybe the $8k in debt was all to give orphans food and toys?

Or she bought someone a liver?

Or maybe she bought her H secret life-saving medicine that she gave him in his sleep to save his life? And didn't want to seem like a hero?

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

MKESweetie — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 22:02:02 GMT

pedantic_wench:
Can someone give me a sound, rational reason as to why this wouldn't constitute automatic divorce?

I don't think there is one.

I can't imagine this level of betrayal, and I cannot imagine what her H is feeling.

At the same time, I feel sad for her. None of this is easy, there is no winner, and hearing the thing she heard (true or not, justified or not) couldn't have been easy.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

broccolitree — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:14:17 GMT

Think of the CHILDREN!

Yeah, I got nuthin. Lol.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

pedantic_wench — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:12:03 GMT

Can someone give me a sound, rational reason as to why this wouldn't constitute automatic divorce?

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

Muddled — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:10:43 GMT

broccolitree:
In that situation, I would be absolutely apoplectic. I honestly don't know that I'd be coherent enough to form a sentence. I would probably regret whatever I said after I calmed down, but I would be f*ckin RIPSHIT.

This is basically how I feel.

Looking back, I would feel like I could have handled it better. So, yeah. It's easy to judge him because I am on the outside looking in.

I do think this is a divorceable offense and I do think that she is overlooking more than her spending addiction.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

imoan — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:06:51 GMT

PartiallySunny:
Just shows how different we are, Imoan.

Wow... that was pretty holier-than-thou!

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

malibu5880 — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 21:04:39 GMT

Wow. I'd be shocked if the guy stuck around to pay off her debt a second time. I wouldn't! If he does, he's either a saint or the stupidest person alive.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

broccolitree — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:59:59 GMT

In that situation, I would be absolutely apoplectic. I honestly don't know that I'd be coherent enough to form a sentence. I would probably regret whatever I said after I calmed down, but I would be f*ckin RIPSHIT.

Re: Thoughts on this TIP-worthy C&P?

PartiallySunny — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 20:54:17 GMT

imoan:
PartiallySunny:

There is a fine line here between appropriate anger and verbal abuse. The image I got from the description makes me think the H crossed a line. Of course, none of us really knows how the H really reacted because we weren't there.

If my H did this to me for the SECOND time after I had FINALLY relaxed a little and put our financial security in jeopardy...

I would tell him he was a fooking waste of skin too.

And he'd deserve it.

Just shows how different we are, Imoan.

Of course I believe he should divorce her. She had issues that she isn't even trying to address. When a person suggested individual and marriage counseling, she only addressed the marriage counseling... makes me think she has no plans on trying to "get better" or is blaming the need to shop on her spouse. No good could come of that.