BNOTB

Getting off BC but NTTC

PolkadotAP — Tue, 23 Apr 2013 00:09:12 GMT

H and I are considering getting off the pill. It just doesn't have good effects on my body. I have tried 5 different BC in 5 years. I am not comfortable with using implant BC or taking shots. We aren't planning to have children for a couple of years but feel like I need to get off of it due to its effects on my body. My mom couldn't take it either for some one the same reasons. Any good cycle tracking apps or pointers?

Worried that I don't want kids yet

tickledpink1843 — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:24:14 GMT

My husband and I have been together for over 8 years and married for almost 3. He's almost 27 and I'm almost 26. I have always known that I want children. Most likely 2. My whole life I've had it iplanned out in my head that I would have my first child at the age of 27 and my last at the age of 30. It just sounded perfect to me.

Now that I am getting really close to that age, I still don't want children. I am still at the phase in my life where I want to be able to travel wherever and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I was a nanny for 7 years (just recently quit) and I have my teaching degree, so I KNOW how much work children are and I KNOW that I am not ready for that yet!

I also know that I am still really young and have plenty of baby-producing years ahead of me. I just personally never wanted to start my family in my 30's. I've always wanted to be a young mom. The desire is just NOT there yet, and my husband agrees.

Is there anyone else that had a certain idea in their head of when they thought they'd want children, but it just isn't playing out that way? I'm almost frustrated at myself, but definitely don't want to force it. Every year that has passed since we've been married I think to myself, "This time next year we'll start TTC". It just keeps getting pushed out further and further...

Pushy In-Laws

MeganAngela — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 20:04:54 GMT

Hey, everyone!

My in-laws have never hid the fact that they want grandchildren. I'm totally okay with that. In the past when they, mostly MIL, has made the rare comment, we've either ignored it or let them know that the thought of kids hasn't even crossed our minds. However, recently, the comments have been coming fast and heavy.

DH recently lost his grandfather, so we went to his hometown for a few days to attend the funeral. The whole time we were there, his parents made comments about us "giving them grandkids". FIL and MIL started up in the car on the way to the viewing screaming and laughing about "WE WANT BABIES! GIVE US BABIES!". So, I turned to MIL and said, "You're young enough! If ya'll want babies so bad there are plenty that need to be adopted!". FIL was like, "No! We want to be able to play with them and then give them back to their parents when we're done!", and I quipped back, "So do we!".

I thought that would be the end of it, but nope. At the viewing, MIL was holding her great niece, and DH's aunt came over to us and said, "Ya'll need to get on it and beat SIL (who is engaged) to have the first grandbaby! The first one gets everything and the grandparents always pay for everything! Ya'll won't have to worry about a thing!" MIL stood there nodding her head furiously with this crazed look of hope in her eyes. DH said, "I wouldn't hold your breath!", and I said, "SIL can have the first one! We're good!".

At the end of the night, MIL hugged me and was like, "I need you to stay healthy for my grandbabies!" At first I was bewildered because she doesn't have grandkids I could make sick, but then I realized she meant she wanted me to stay healthy so I can give her grandchildren. I didn't even know what to say. Every time she hugged me after that for the rest of the weekend she said that.

I tried to chalk it up to the family being in mourning, but the comments keep coming. Everything from wanting to move closer if we have kids, to her wanting to save things she comes across for our non-existent children to have one day. I don't know how many times we've told her we aren't thinking about kids (though, we haven't come right out and said we don't want kids period), and we've tried to turn the tables on them with jokes to no effect. And we can't even suggest she get involved with other children as she keeps three young children and toddlers during the week, and it has only served to fuel her "grandbaby fever".

FBIL told us that they are getting pressured a lot, too, so we can't even suggest the in-laws go nag them. He said that the in-laws have been constantly joking with them about getting their daughter pregnant on the honeymoon, and even SIL who wants kids is getting a little freaked out by how crazed her parents are getting. At one point she heard me telling the in-laws to put their hopes on SIL, and she went bug-eyed, shaking her head going, "nononononono!".

I just don't know what to do anymore. DH and I already limit our time with the in-laws for other reasons, but we feel like we might need to limit it even more. Plus, we're out of ideas other than coming right out and telling them that we don't want kids and they need to get over it right now. We didn't want to do that because we figured my uterus is not their business, and they'd get the picture when the kids never came along.

We've tried all the suggested tricks, and the in-laws are just stubborn about it. I guess we're just tired of it and I needed to vent. You are fabulous if you made it to the end of this post, and I thank you!

anyone see this before?

aimiroku — Wed, 01 May 2013 02:28:34 GMT

http://ideas.time.com/2013/04/17/stop-telling-me-ill-change-my-mind-about-wanting-kids/

(apologies in advance if repost, new to thenest :)

When did "having a baby" turn into "keeping up with the Jones's?"

wasianbanks — Wed, 15 May 2013 16:25:29 GMT

Ugh, the premise for this board is more of a rant.

Seriously, I'm getting annoyed with my father. Most of the time he talks to me, he keeps saying awkward comments about how he wants me to get pregnant and so that he can have grandchildren. If the conversation is about health-type topics, it spirals into talk about how I should be XYZ so that I can get pregnant and give him grandchildren. I am 24 and I'm engaged. I don't feel that I want children for at least another 4 to 5 years.

This is only coming up because my stepmother's (my dad's wife, obviously) son had a baby two years ago. So the pressure is coming from my dad because he says "I want a grandchild too to compete with [insert wife's name]." It's obnoxious. My uterus is not some conveyer belt so that he can keep up with his wife. My father feels left out that my stepmother has a grandchild, but that doesn't entitle him to dictate my important life decisions. What complicates this issue further is that my father is a severe alcoholic and our relationship has had an extensive history of abuse. So EVEN IF I have children, I am like 99% that I don't want him involved in my and my fiance's children's lives.

Anyone have similar experiences?

I need some unbiased advice.

katrobinson — Tue, 08 Jan 2013 20:44:26 GMT

My husband & I got married in October of 2012. We've been together for about 5 years, feel pretty well prepared to have a baby & plan to start trying for one in the next year or so. Right now we're just enjoying our time being married but we know we want a baby sometime soon.

The problem...one of my best girlfriends just got engaged. She's getting married in September of 2013. I will be a bridesmaid, along with 4 or 5 other girls & she is freaking out because she doesn't want any of her bridesmaids to be pregnant during her wedding stuff, i.e. showers, bachelorette, wedding... She actually said the other day (to a mutual friend, in front of me) "no, she promised to wait until after I get married to get knocked up".

She knew our general timeline before she got engaged. I'm not saying she should arrange her wedding around my family planning, but should I have to arrange around her? How am I supposed to respond to the (constant) questions of the state of my uterus?

Is it normal to not want children?

maribeth721 — Fri, 16 Nov 2012 21:53:36 GMT

I'm 26 and my H is 33. Neither H or I really want kids. We do talk about it, what if we did, how would our lives be and it doesn't really appeal to us. We haven't totally ruled it out (I mean you never know) but we aren't planning for it. Since we just got married everyone in the free world feels the need to ask me/us, "so when are you guys going to have a baby?" My answer is always something along the lines of, "we don't really feel that's for us or we're not really interested in having kids" And the response I always get is basically repulsion. Like how could an able bodied young female NOT want to have kids? I'm starting to feel like I missed out on some mothering gene or something. I am being made to feel (by my family mainly) that this is not normal to feel this way. But kids just really don't interest me or my H. When I picture our future I just don't see children. Is this normal?

Baby Bucket List

sessionswedding — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 15:29:25 GMT

I can't remember if we've talked about this on here before or not, but if we did it was probably a while back. So for those of you who plan to have children *someday* what's on your "baby bucket list?" I.e. the list of things you want to do/accomplish before you have kids?

Reasons for having kids?

jessica490 — Fri, 26 Apr 2013 16:06:08 GMT

With all this talk about not having kids...I want to know people's reasons for WANTING kids.

need some unbiased advice!

MrsL101009 — Sun, 17 Mar 2013 16:53:25 GMT

My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years, and we have been tremendously happy! Prior to getting married we had the chat about children, and were both in a place where we didn't really have a preference either way.

I'm going to be 35 next month, so my "clock" has started ticking, loudly, and I want to have a baby. He has been on the fence and anxious about it, but gave me the green light back in November. I came off birth control, stopped meds that were unsafe during pregnancy, etc.

The problem now is.....if he knows I'm anywhere near ovulation, he physically can't get the job done (mortifying as that is)...to the point that he asked me not to tell him where in my cycle I am. He sometimes makes comments about "this is why I think we should wait to have a baby"..(when I come home and mention I might need a root canal for $1000)...I've talked, and talked, and talked to him in an attempt for him to tell me how he really feels, as I really feel like he in no way wants a baby, but is saying yes for me. I get emotional when we talk about it, though I try not to. He continues to tell me we can have a baby.....when what I really want to hear is that he WANTS to have a baby.

So, my dilemma is this. Do I go on as we are, in my pursuit of pregnancy because he said yes several times, or do I go back on birth control because I know (98% certain) he doesn't want a baby? I'm expecting my period at any moment, and can easily get back on birth control once it starts....but I know if I ask him, he'll tell me not to.

He's said yes to a baby, but I worry down the road he'll resent me or a baby....and I don't know that I won't resent him down the road if we never have one. I also don't want either of us to regret not having one when we are way past being able to.

Anyone else have this going on?..........

Pressure both ways? (Vent)

aurigarose — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 23:52:38 GMT

The husband and I don't really want kids for probably another 5 years, but we just bought a house...with lots of bedrooms. You can imagine that this has raised a few eyebrows.

I'm pretty sure my parents are beyond ready for grandkids, but they haven't been too bad in terms of laying on the pressure. My SIL has been very vocal about the fact that she wants us to have kids. She has two children under the age of 3 and she wants them to have cousins in the same age range. And since everyone on that side of the family is done having kids we are her last hope. I'm surprisingly not all that bothered by it.

What does bug me though is something I wasn't expecting. My older sisters have been quite insistent that I don't have kids in the immediate future. They have even occasionally told me that I am 'not allowed'. Honestly, I think it has to do with the fact that neither of them have really settled down yet, and they want to make it to the kids milestone before their little sister. I know it's childish, but whenever they say something like that I just want to be like "Eff you, I'm going to go have quintuplets right now". I don't even want kids anytime soon! I'm essentially getting annoyed at them for agreeing with me.

Has anyone else ever reached this level of crazy?

in laws are split

mcnava — Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:00:34 GMT

So my husband and I have been planning to start trying this summer. We've kept this a secret from our families. My mom, however, has already started to buy clothes for a future grandchild. His father has attempted to win auctions for baby strollers. But his mother....a few weekends ago she told us we should not have anymore puppies (we have three dogs so we were very confused by what she meant) we finally got it out of her that she meant we should not have children. She tends to call our dogs kitties, so we never really know what species she is talking about. She is often drunk so this could be part of the confusion. However, she has openly told her two sons that she did not want children, so I'm wondering if she's trying to live the life she wanted through me. And I can get that, but having a baby is something I'm so excited about and it was kind of disheartening to hear MIL say I shouldn't have a baby.

Complicated situation: Couple with Age Difference

DaveandRoxy — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 14:19:24 GMT

So H and I have been together for 5 years and just got married this past March. So, on cue the talk about babies has been coming around. We both know that we want kids someday. So that's not the issue. The issue is more of a "when". See I'm in my mid-twenties and he in his mid-forties.

His view: Wants kids by the end of the year so that they'll be 18 and on their own by the time he retires. Is adopted and knows no blood relatives, wants to know what that feels like to have a next of kin. Thinks he's waited long enough for his own family. Has already figured himself out, is stable and ready for a family.

My view: I want kids, but first there are a lot of things I want to do before I have them like a "bucket list", I guess. I know having kids will completely change our life and that it will make it more difficult to do fun "coupley" things. Then again, life doesn't END after kids either, doesn't mean I cannot do those things, it just means it will be more difficult.

I feel like we do not get the luxury like other couples do to enjoy each other and wait 2-4 years to figure out if they want kids or not. And right now, at this point, I really do not see what the draw of children is. Why is it so great?

I don't know what to do. I don't want him to have to wait any longer for kids. The ideal time to have them is now. We're financially stable, he has a great job that will allow me to be a stay at home mom, we have a home and are both healthy. I feel like I may just be self-sabotaging or just focusing on the negative. Or do I have a point? I'm struggling to come up with a happy middle ground. HELP!!

why do people feel they have the right to ask when we're going to have a baby?

teri75 — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 22:10:36 GMT

First of all, it's none of their damn business and I would LOVE to reply that way to all who ask. But more so, its a personal and intrusive question and I don't think I owe anyone any answers… nor do I think they have the right to ask it. (Yes, I know, free speech is in the Constitution! LOL)

I generally prefer the response of "never!!" to that question because people get weirded out and pissed and shut up immediately. Then I can walk away laughing or smiling or change the subject if I still have to talk to the offender. (They NEVER ask again.) To a small minority of more dense people, I follow that up with, "that is a personal subject which is none of your business". Then they seem to drop it.

The most recent offender was my brother. He and his wife keep his side of the family at an arms length from them and their 2 young children. They are very cold with me and my parents. It is what it is. I'm not harping on that… but then the ? from my brother (to my husband) then bugs me even more.

Thing is, because I don't trust my brother, I can't stand their circle of gossipy friends, and cannot help wondering why he even asked and how they will use this against us. (thankfully, they live kind of far away, so I don't see them regularly)

My husband thinks it was an innocent question which indicates the potential to patch things up in the future.

Meanwhile, IF we ever have kids I do not plan on telling them anything… ever. They can find out whatever future news we have through the grapevine… Probably sounds incredibly immature from the outside, but its really just a reflection of how much I don't trust them. (For one reason, they used to spy on me when we lived in the same town in the past, and have used other methods of spying since they moved away.)

Do any of you use (or have you used) NFP?

Apollo11235 — Sat, 30 Mar 2013 15:03:39 GMT

I've recently decided I probably want to quit hormonal BC, at least for a while. I'm looking into charting/natural family planning, and looking for any tips you may have.

I have never charted, but I've completed the tutorials on FF. From FF, I now feel equipped with the knowledge of how to *get* pregnant, buuut not so sure of the charting "rules" I should follow when TTA. I'm trying to find a copy of TCOYF at my local library, but I may just end up buying it. I've also signed up for the TCOYF website, so I'll poke around there and see what more I can learn.

I'm planning to buy a bbt and start temping before I go off the pill and practice for a couple cycles before relying on it.

Anyway, I feel like I have a pretty good start, but if you have anything to add, it would be greatly appreciated. TIA!

ETA: I guess FAM is more like what I'm talking about... I'm not really sure what the difference is between FAM and NFP, except that NFP is more of a religious thing

No kids for us! how about you?

jessica121212 — Mon, 06 Aug 2012 19:46:25 GMT

Mu hubby and I are 30, been married for a few months, been together 6 years...We have no plans and or desire for kids and I feel like we are the only ones! My parents both came from families with 3 kids and my brother and I are the only kids in the whole family!! I didn't grow up around "family" kids and I used to babysit when I was younger and just didnt like it..I'm not up for the resposability...anyone else not plan on having kids and why?

Adoption only

kipnus — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 02:38:25 GMT

While I do want children eventually, I do not ever want biological children, for a number of reasons. H and I plan to adopt.

My parents know exactly how I feel about this, thought they hope I'll change my mind, but we haven't told H's parents, and they've started asking about when we're having babies, and talking about who they'll look like, etc.

Should we set them straight now, (H doesn't think they'll be too happy about it), or should we just keep changing the subject?

Implanon vs. Nuvaring

Kciletti — Thu, 07 Feb 2013 16:41:49 GMT

I have been on YAZ for 5 years, but my sex drive has been extinct for the past few months so I am considering switching to Implanon or the Nuvaring. Anyone had any good or bad experiences with either?

something to care for

amandamarie2 — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 19:18:00 GMT

Having kids wasn't too much on my mind when I first got married. Yeah, DH and I talked about it and it's definitely in the cards but right now we're just not ready. However, in the past two months I've found out that my two closest friends where I live are both pregnant. All of a sudden, baby was all I could think of.

It took a bit, but eventually I managed to get that out of my head. That was when I started to notice I really missed my dog at home... I think my brain replaced "baby" with "fur baby". I would love to get a dog, but with our small apartment that's also not an option.

I think what it really comes down to is wanting something to take care of. The solution? I'm buying a plant. No pressure, if it dies it dies and if not I get to be proud of myself ha ha. I'll just work my way up over time to a real baby. For now, it looks like I'll have a plant baby :P

Can anyone relate?

Recovering from tubal ligation - input please

heatherm27 — Tue, 19 Mar 2013 17:28:06 GMT

Hi All -- I had my "tubes tied" on Friday and am recovering, but wondered if anyone else can comment on how long it will take to feel 100%. I'm still pretty swollen in my belly area (I look pregnant!) and it's pretty sore overall in that area. I'm taking the Rx for pain at night, but don't want to take it more than I really need, so during the day I'm sticking with Alleve.

The bruising I expected, but the pain and swelling is a surprise (especially the swelling). I thought it would be much better by today (Tuesday.)

Any personal input would be appreciated. I don't think I need to call my doctor - I have a follow-up with her next week.

Thanks so much.

Back and Forth

ash273uk — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 22:50:51 GMT

My husband and I have decided to start TTC in August. Sometimes I get so excited, thinking I can hardly wait until August. But other times I get totally freaked out and think that there's no way I'll be ready by then.

H and I have both agreed that once August comes, if we are not ready, we will wait, but I go back and forth so much that I am scared that when the time comes I won't know if I'm ready or not!

Is this normal?

I know this is not the right board, but...

MaeMae91 — Wed, 30 Jan 2013 15:52:14 GMT

I'm in a position where I really have baby on the brain, but at this point we're "not ready" to have a baby. We've only been married 3 months and I'm only 22, but I have this intense longing to be a mom. I'm also worried that because I have PCOS when we do start trying to get pregnant, I won't be able to, and the longer we wait, the worse I'm worried it'll be. We decided that we'd wait until we got a house and I reach my weight loss goal, but I find myself day dreaming of babies.

I know this is the baby NOT on brain board, but I couldn't find one that seemed to fit. On top of just venting I really need advice on how to get over this awful feeling-- without actually getting pregnant. If you have any suggestions (or know which board I should actually post on) I would really appreciate your help

Newbie question..

wickedsugar — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 17:49:27 GMT

Is anyone here no having kids due to health issues ?

Baby?!? I'm 46, he's 54

Stephcsz — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 04:11:22 GMT

My H and I were married 2 months ago...I can't believe how many people have asked us if we're having a baby!?!?! It's laughable.

I'm 46 and never had kids. (Never really tried).

He's 54. Has a 29 yr. old that's a hot-mess from his 1st marriage AND he had a vasectomy years ago. He also has 5 grandkids ages 9 mo. - 9 yrs.

We have a 2 yr old little dog that we're nuts about. That's our kid.

A BABY?!?! Um, no. LOL!

Is it ok to vent here?

HoneyBee973 — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 12:29:05 GMT

Friends of ours are trying to have a baby. That is ALL they talk about every single time we see them! We could be talking about the weather, and during the same conversation it turns into baby conversation.

Recently they started fertility treatments. Now she is 110% sure they will have twins by next Christmas. Oy! Don't get me wrong, I hope their dream of becoming parents becomes a reality. Thats something my husband and I both want in the near future as well. But I don't talk about it 24/7 or every time I see my friends!

Ok vent over! Anyone dealing with the same thing?