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07-28-2008 at 3:26 PM
Berk_and_J...
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Joined on 06-15-2007
Denver, Colorado
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Berk_and_Jay is not online. Last active: 08-09-2008, 12:42 PMNewbie

Personal Statement- I'm Begging

I really need someone besides a family member to tell me it's okay to turn this in. I need to do it today. Do you think this is okay? I'm just supposed to state why I want to go to graduate school at Mines and why I think I'm a good candidate. TIA! Suggestions are welcome.

           When I transferred to Colorado School of Mines in 2003, I had one goal in mind: renewable energy research. As a freshman at Colorado State, I wrote a paper about the debate on drilling for oil in the Alaskan National Wildlife Refuge. The topic sparked my interest in renewable energy, and just over a year later, I was at CSM pursuing a degree in Mechanical Engineering with the intention of becoming a researcher.

 

            When I finished my bachelor’s degree, I considered going straight into graduate school, but I decided to spend some time in the work force. I wanted to make sure I could wholeheartedly commit to being a graduate student before applying. Most of the “traditional” engineering jobs that sounded interesting to me required a master’s degree or a PHD, so I looked into technical sales. I have always enjoyed giving presentations and educating my peers, so I thought that technical sales would be a great way to utilize my engineering knowledge and my interpersonal skills.       

           

            I am currently employed by a company that specializes in powering and cooling data centers, and working in this field has made me acutely aware of how much energy is consumed by backup power alone, not to mention the massive amount of energy required to run an entire data center or manufacturing facility. It is essential that we find sustainable energy sources to keep these facilities running. Solid Oxide Fuel Cells are a viable option because of their high efficiencies and their potential for cogeneration. Fuel cell research is one of the many options critical to creating a sustainable energy economy, and I want to be involved in the effort to advance fuel cell technology.

 

            The facilities at the Colorado Fuel Cell Center and the knowledge base of the professors make Colorado School of Mines the perfect place for me to pursue graduate studies. The tight knit community of faculty and students creates an environment that is conducive to success. I look forward to being back in a challenging and dynamic environment, and most importantly, working towards something that I think really matters.

 

            The strong undergraduate education I received at Mines helped prepare me for graduate school. My coursework at CSM gave me a solid foundation of technical knowledge, and building a mobile biodiesel reactor for senior design exposed me to research and design. As an undergraduate, when I was not doing schoolwork, I taught skiing, snowboarding, and rock climbing. I thoroughly enjoyed teaching, and I intend to eventually apply my love of teaching to engineering by becoming a professor.

           

            Through continuous research and education, I know that I can reach my full potential as an engineer. I am excited to be a part of the Solid Oxide Fuel Cell research taking place at CSM, and I look forward to getting involved.

 



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07-28-2008 at 3:29 PM
schoolsout...
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Joined on 10-15-2004
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schoolsoutbride is not online. Last active: 11-21-2009, 12:57 AMGold

I think it sounds great.  I'm so proud of you too.  You're totally saving the planet :)

Seriously, good balance of why you're qualified, what you want from them, etc.  Are there names you should drop about specific people you want to work with and why their research is up your alley or anything? 

ETA: I re-read and might change this sentence:

I decided to spend some time in the work force. I wanted to make sure I could wholeheartedly commit to being a graduate student before applying. 

Maybe you could say something about wanting to narrow your focus with real-world experience.  This sounds like you questioned your commitment (which may be true, but might not be something you want to share :) 


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TTC#2, with Endo and compound hetero MTHFR. Lap 2/09 found stage 1-2 Endo in "significant" areas. Minor LPD. RE doesn't think any of that's the cause of our IF. IUI#1-3, BFN. On to IVF#1 and only...BFN. Was taking a break to figure out what to do next when we got a surprise BFP...only to have CP#2, 7 blasts on ice. FET possibly in spring 2010. SAIFW. 
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07-28-2008 at 3:32 PM
MTJunebrid...
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MTJunebride is not online. Last active: 11-20-2009, 9:23 PMSilver

I think the content is great.  I just have two tiny grammar and sentence structure suggestions. 

-no need for quotation marks on traditional engineering jobs

- I am currently employed by a company that specializes in powering and cooling data centers. [End sentence here, start new sentence] Working in this field has made me acutely aware of how much energy is consumed by backup power alone, not to mention the massive amount of energy required to run an entire data center or manufacturing facility.

Good luck, Berkeley!  I think it sounds great.

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07-28-2008 at 3:33 PM
Berk_and_J...
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Joined on 06-15-2007
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Berk_and_Jay is not online. Last active: 08-09-2008, 12:42 PMNewbie
The guy I want to do research for will be the one reading the essay. He already knows I'm interested and he told me he's going to accept me into the PHD program. I'm just stressing b/c I want it to be really good so I can get funding for fall.



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07-28-2008 at 3:34 PM
Berk_and_J...
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Berk_and_Jay is not online. Last active: 08-09-2008, 12:42 PMNewbie
Thanks for the suggestion. I hated that sentence and your version sounds much better!



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