The Nest

I don't know any of the history here, but do you hate your future in-laws enough to reconsider the marriage? You'll be spending the rest of your lives with these people, and if you hate your future MIL this much, it could really drive a wedge between you and your future husband.

As for the vacation, at least it's free. I'd try to stay away from the MIL as much as possible and play nice when you can't get away. Or you could always cancel if her presence is going to stress you out too much.

I wouldn't go. I'd rather stay at home for a week of peace and quiet all by my lonesome than deal with that for a week.

And I'd move out of the basement even if it meant living in a one-room studio. Cross-country would be very tempting.

And I'd probably reconsider marrying someone whose family I couldn't stand. Do you think things are going to get any easier after you're married and kids come into the picture? I don't think I'd sign on for a lifetime of this.

First, I wouldn't go on a vacation, free or not, with someone I didn't like.  It is a free vacation....you take what you get.  Don't go.

Second, Why are you living with a woman you can't stand?  I adore my MIL, but I still wouldn't live with her.  It sounds like it's time for you and your FI to get some money together and get out.   If you are old enough and mature enough to get married, you're old enough to afford your own place.  IMHO, you should make it a priority to live on your own first before you get married.

Third, I wouldn't marry a man whose family was that objectionable to me.  Trust me, this situation will not go away once you are married.  It will only get worse as the years go on.  Marriage doesn't fix the situation, it only magnifies the problems you had before you were married.  Figure out a way to deal with this situation with his family BEFORE you get married.  Don't think it will magically go away once you say "I Do".

Good Luck.

Its not that we're not trying to move out. I mean, with our house hunting heartbreak we've been through the last year, its not easy. Ive begun looking for an apartment, but that also is not easy. I dont want to move to NKY, because we're trying to be closer to my family. But we cant afford to live downtown (Ive been looking) and other than that, we're looking at not such nice neighborhoods.Believe you me, I want nothing more than to get out of this house, but I cant put every last bit of the financial burdon on FI (im unemployed currently, waiting to hear back from a few places)

 I do have to say, FI does stick up for me to FMIL, and plans on cutting off ties with her once we move out. At least for several months. And the funny thing is, Ive already set up rules for when we have kids. And if they dont obey those rules, they just wont see their future grand children as much as they see their current ones. 

 I am still going to go on the vacation, but Im literally not going to walk back in the door until Im about to fall asleep where I stand. Im going to wait to get out of bed until she leaves the house so I can get ready in peace. FI and I are more than able to keep ourselves busy for an entire day. 

 One reason we kinda have to go, is because after the wedding next fall, we are wanting to move to Charleston. So this way, we at least get to see SC and make sure its an ok place for us to live. (Ive never been but FI has when he was younger).  So its all a big mess right now. But FI and i get along absolutely fine, its just FMIL and I. FI and I have a great relationship now, and when we move out its only going to get better. I not worried about that (all I know is FMIL is NOT getting a key! LoL)

First, you need to create your own happiness, and you're not doing that.  You're letting other people do that for you, and obviously that's not working.  But that doesn’t work for anyone!  Sure crap happens and some people will always act like crap towards you while some will help and support you, but ultimately you, not anybody else, are responsible for making your life happy & what you want it to be.

Don't go on the vacation.  The person doing the inviting, arranging, and the paying can ask anyone they want to come along.  And it's not really fair to complain about your B&SIL inviting your MIL to help them when the two of you want the trip so you can check out housing in SC.  You don't like that the inlaws are using your MIL for help and money but you're going to use them for a cheap trip and a chance to prepare for a potential move.  It sounds like you'll be miserable but you also want time alone with FI- stay home, be happy, and enjoy a week alone with FI.

And move out.  I can only think of a few good reasons why it's ok to live with your parents/inlaws as an adult (things like your house being destroyed by a tornado, fire, etc).  I moved back in with my parents when I was laid off from a job and I took a much lower paying job.  It sucked.  I resented the situation and so did my parents.  I really should have taken on a second job and kept my independence.  Besides, the two of you need to experience living on your own- either each of you alone or together but alone.  You need to know that you can deal with his family when they're not in your face.  If you still can't, then I agree, maybe you shouldn't get married.

And I can think of half a dozen places where I grew up that are cheap and safe- under $500 a month (Cheviot, Ross, Western Hills, Delhi, etc).  Sure they're not spectacular neighborhoods, but people also aren't dealing drugs on the corner, shooting each other, etc.  The apartment might be basic, the people might be a little rough, but they're all probably going to be good, working class neighbors or seniors.  The downtown area is either going to have expensive, luxury places or places for people on federal assistance, there is no in between.

As I see it, you can either stick out your current situation and try to be happy with it, or you can create a better situation and be happy with that. 

I can remember dating someone before my DH that my grandma did not like. (This was the woman who raised me) She and I did not talk for months.  I thought I was standing my ground and proving a point to her.  I really thought that she would see how "silly" she was being and "love" him all of a sudden.   How stupid I was! After 7 long years with him I found out he really was not the guy for me.  Now my grandma has past on and although it was only a few months that I did not talk to her I regret that few months with all my heart.  No one should ever come between family.  Just my opinion, but if you do not get along with your FMIL that is between you and her.  Please keep that between the two of you.   Making your FI not talk to her will only make things worse for everyone.  I do understand that your FI wants to stick up for you but deep down inside that is his family and his mama!  

Life is very valuable and always too short, something to keep that in mind. 

I wish you the best!!

Your future MIL might indeed be driving you crazy.... but she is letting you live rent free in her home and helping you guys out? Seems a little unappreciative... sorry that's the way it comes out.

Silversided:

Okay, So, you read my previous post about my hatered of FMIL. Shes the devil.

A few weeks ago FBIL and FSIL invited us to go to Myrtle beach with them. Hey had already paid for their rental condo and FSIL's sister was supposed to go. She had to back out so they invited us to go for free. Awesome. My parents also happened to be going to Charleston 2 days before we were going to Myrtle Beach. SO we were going to make 2 trips out of it. Awesome. Especailly since in the 4 years we've been together, we've never been on a vacation.

So we're supposed to leave this Friday night after FI gets off work. We are going to Charleston first and then on Sunday, we're going to Myrtle Beach.

Skip to yesterday. I was very pouty when I woke up. I really didnt want to go upstairs to the kitchen because I knew FMIL was up there and I had a REALLY bad day on Saturday. So if she would get crappy with me I would just get angry. So she finally left and I went upstars. I was making something to eat, and as soon as I started the microwave she walked back in the house. Crap!

SO I make my food without saying a word. She walks up to me and goes (in the fakest most high pitched voice ever) "Oh HEYYY Linds! i bought 3 new nailpolishes for the myrtle beach trip, which one should I wear?! FBIL (Who is a mama's boy to no end) and FSIL (who hates the woman as much as I do), INVITED HER TO GO ON VACATION WITH US! SO NOW MY VACATION AWAY FROM FMIL, IS ME AND FI, SHARING A CONDO WITH HER FOR A WEEK. JUST SO WE CAN COME BACK HOME AND SHARE THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN WITH HER TOO! GAHHHHHH. And one of the things that makes me the angriest?!!? FBIL only invited her for 2 reasons. a) because, heaven forbid, she he spend any actual time with his children. That makes far too much sense. Those kids, and Im being dead serious here, think FMIL is their mother. Thats how little they see their parents. and b) he knows if she comes she will pay for everything they do. Give me a break. Dont book such an expensive vacation if you cant afford it! AND AND AND, FI knew about it for an entire day and didnt say anything to me because "he didnt want to have to listen to me gripe about it since there is nothing we can do!"

omGGGGGG I am so LIVID I can hardly see straight!

Silversided:

Okay, So, you read my previous post about my hatered of FMIL. Shes the devil.

A few weeks ago FBIL and FSIL invited us to go to Myrtle beach with them. Hey had already paid for their rental condo and FSIL's sister was supposed to go. She had to back out so they invited us to go for free. Awesome. My parents also happened to be going to Charleston 2 days before we were going to Myrtle Beach. SO we were going to make 2 trips out of it. Awesome. Especailly since in the 4 years we've been together, we've never been on a vacation.

So we're supposed to leave this Friday night after FI gets off work. We are going to Charleston first and then on Sunday, we're going to Myrtle Beach.

Skip to yesterday. I was very pouty when I woke up. I really didnt want to go upstairs to the kitchen because I knew FMIL was up there and I had a REALLY bad day on Saturday. So if she would get crappy with me I would just get angry. So she finally left and I went upstars. I was making something to eat, and as soon as I started the microwave she walked back in the house. Crap!

SO I make my food without saying a word. She walks up to me and goes (in the fakest most high pitched voice ever) "Oh HEYYY Linds! i bought 3 new nailpolishes for the myrtle beach trip, which one should I wear?! FBIL (Who is a mama's boy to no end) and FSIL (who hates the woman as much as I do), INVITED HER TO GO ON VACATION WITH US! SO NOW MY VACATION AWAY FROM FMIL, IS ME AND FI, SHARING A CONDO WITH HER FOR A WEEK. JUST SO WE CAN COME BACK HOME AND SHARE THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN WITH HER TOO! GAHHHHHH. And one of the things that makes me the angriest?!!? FBIL only invited her for 2 reasons. a) because, heaven forbid, she he spend any actual time with his children. That makes far too much sense. Those kids, and Im being dead serious here, think FMIL is their mother. Thats how little they see their parents. and b) he knows if she comes she will pay for everything they do. Give me a break. Dont book such an expensive vacation if you cant afford it! AND AND AND, FI knew about it for an entire day and didnt say anything to me because "he didnt want to have to listen to me gripe about it since there is nothing we can do!"

omGGGGGG I am so LIVID I can hardly see straight!

Silversided:

Okay, So, you read my previous post about my hatered of FMIL. Shes the devil.

A few weeks ago FBIL and FSIL invited us to go to Myrtle beach with them. Hey had already paid for their rental condo and FSIL's sister was supposed to go. She had to back out so they invited us to go for free. Awesome. My parents also happened to be going to Charleston 2 days before we were going to Myrtle Beach. SO we were going to make 2 trips out of it. Awesome. Especailly since in the 4 years we've been together, we've never been on a vacation.

So we're supposed to leave this Friday night after FI gets off work. We are going to Charleston first and then on Sunday, we're going to Myrtle Beach.

Skip to yesterday. I was very pouty when I woke up. I really didnt want to go upstairs to the kitchen because I knew FMIL was up there and I had a REALLY bad day on Saturday. So if she would get crappy with me I would just get angry. So she finally left and I went upstars. I was making something to eat, and as soon as I started the microwave she walked back in the house. Crap!

SO I make my food without saying a word. She walks up to me and goes (in the fakest most high pitched voice ever) "Oh HEYYY Linds! i bought 3 new nailpolishes for the myrtle beach trip, which one should I wear?! FBIL (Who is a mama's boy to no end) and FSIL (who hates the woman as much as I do), INVITED HER TO GO ON VACATION WITH US! SO NOW MY VACATION AWAY FROM FMIL, IS ME AND FI, SHARING A CONDO WITH HER FOR A WEEK. JUST SO WE CAN COME BACK HOME AND SHARE THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN WITH HER TOO! GAHHHHHH. And one of the things that makes me the angriest?!!? FBIL only invited her for 2 reasons. a) because, heaven forbid, she he spend any actual time with his children. That makes far too much sense. Those kids, and Im being dead serious here, think FMIL is their mother. Thats how little they see their parents. and b) he knows if she comes she will pay for everything they do. Give me a break. Dont book such an expensive vacation if you cant afford it! AND AND AND, FI knew about it for an entire day and didnt say anything to me because "he didnt want to have to listen to me gripe about it since there is nothing we can do!"

omGGGGGG I am so LIVID I can hardly see straight!

Silversided:

Okay, So, you read my previous post about my hatered of FMIL. Shes the devil.

A few weeks ago FBIL and FSIL invited us to go to Myrtle beach with them. Hey had already paid for their rental condo and FSIL's sister was supposed to go. She had to back out so they invited us to go for free. Awesome. My parents also happened to be going to Charleston 2 days before we were going to Myrtle Beach. SO we were going to make 2 trips out of it. Awesome. Especailly since in the 4 years we've been together, we've never been on a vacation.

So we're supposed to leave this Friday night after FI gets off work. We are going to Charleston first and then on Sunday, we're going to Myrtle Beach.

Skip to yesterday. I was very pouty when I woke up. I really didnt want to go upstairs to the kitchen because I knew FMIL was up there and I had a REALLY bad day on Saturday. So if she would get crappy with me I would just get angry. So she finally left and I went upstars. I was making something to eat, and as soon as I started the microwave she walked back in the house. Crap!

SO I make my food without saying a word. She walks up to me and goes (in the fakest most high pitched voice ever) "Oh HEYYY Linds! i bought 3 new nailpolishes for the myrtle beach trip, which one should I wear?! FBIL (Who is a mama's boy to no end) and FSIL (who hates the woman as much as I do), INVITED HER TO GO ON VACATION WITH US! SO NOW MY VACATION AWAY FROM FMIL, IS ME AND FI, SHARING A CONDO WITH HER FOR A WEEK. JUST SO WE CAN COME BACK HOME AND SHARE THE HOUSE WE LIVE IN WITH HER TOO! GAHHHHHH. And one of the things that makes me the angriest?!!? FBIL only invited her for 2 reasons. a) because, heaven forbid, she he spend any actual time with his children. That makes far too much sense. Those kids, and Im being dead serious here, think FMIL is their mother. Thats how little they see their parents. and b) he knows if she comes she will pay for everything they do. Give me a break. Dont book such an expensive vacation if you cant afford it! AND AND AND, FI knew about it for an entire day and didnt say anything to me because "he didnt want to have to listen to me gripe about it since there is nothing we can do!"

omGGGGGG I am so LIVID I can hardly see straight!