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07-06-2009 at 5:00 PM
Blessed55
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When a bride asks for cash for a wedding present...

So I have a friend. On her wedding website she put a cute little poem asking for cash. Ick!

I was planning to go to the wedding, but now that we moved and school starts the week before the wedding, we won't be going.

So what should I send/give her?

Be nice and send a card and check? Send just a card? Send a tacky gift out of spite?

ETA:

I'm only half behing serious, I just know how much us MM nesties love when brides ask for cash for their wedding...that's why I posted this.

I'm generally not a mean person and wouldn't send her something I know she would hate. 

Just wanted to clarify that!

 

07-06-2009 at 5:02 PM
heyrebekah
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Why do people think a poem makes everything better?  It just ups the tacky.

I would just ignore the website and send whatever you were planning on sending before you saw it.


 
07-06-2009 at 5:03 PM
marriedtoe...
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Get her a toaster.  Engraved maybe.  (See thread from yesterday)



 
07-06-2009 at 5:04 PM
LillyMD
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Out of curiousity, what was the poem?

It depends on what kind of friend she is. If she is someone I plan to stay in touch with and like, I would send a check (which is what I normally do). If I don't plan to stay friends, I would probably send nothing.

 
07-06-2009 at 5:04 PM
Wan-naBe
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a picture frame.  an ugly quilt.  a vase.  a box of condoms.

ANYTHING but cash.  i'm just spiteful like that. 


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07-06-2009 at 5:05 PM
Blessed55
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Wan-naBe:

a picture frame.  an ugly quilt.  a vase.  a box of condoms.

ANYTHING but cash.  i'm just spiteful like that. 

Love it!

And I'll see if I can find the poem.... I might have to wait until I'm back home later this week...

07-06-2009 at 5:05 PM
KateLouise
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Your friend made a poor etiquette choice I'm not sure this deserves your spite.

It doesn't even sound like she put the request in the invite.

If she's a friend why wouldn't you want to give her a gift that would please her?

If it was me, I'd give her whatever amount I would have spent on a gift according to my own budgeting, with a nice card. 


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07-06-2009 at 5:05 PM
Just_Ali
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I think you should get her a personalized wedding water globe, such as this one (from Things Remembered).

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07-06-2009 at 5:06 PM
yeah4me
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For some reason giving cash to peers feels weird to me.  I'd give a gift card.  Or an engraved toaster.

7/21/2007 :)





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07-06-2009 at 5:06 PM
grosnl19
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funny you just said that...my co-worker was on the phone with her fiance saying "well I hope we get some cash, it isn't like asking for cash is any different than asking for a gift".  Mind you together they probably make $180,000 year...so they aren't hurtin'

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07-06-2009 at 5:07 PM
CurbsidePr...
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marriedtoeric:
Get her a toaster.  Engraved maybe.  (See thread from yesterday)

good idea.

How close is this friend? I am okay with giving cash for a wedding however I do not think this tacky behavior should be supported. If you are declining the invite I think it is okay to just send a card. 






 
07-06-2009 at 5:08 PM
12/13/2003
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marriedtoeric:
Get her a toaster.  Engraved maybe.  (See thread from yesterday)

All I could think about was that toaster post, too!


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07-06-2009 at 5:08 PM
faith194
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We always give a check for weddings(gifts off the registry for bridal showers), so I wouldn't change that even if there was a tacky poem attached to a website.  I'm not the type of person to spite someone that means a lot to me, regardless of how tacky they are.
07-06-2009 at 5:13 PM
Blessed55
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KateLouise:

Your friend made a poor etiquette choice I'm not sure this deserves your spite.

It doesn't even sound like she put the request in the invite.

If she's a friend why wouldn't you want to give her a gift that would please her?

If it was me, I'd give her whatever amount I would have spent on a gift according to my own budgeting, with a nice card. 

I'm only half behing serious, I just know how much us MM nesties love when brides ask for cash for their wedding...that's why I posted this.

I'm generally not a mean person and wouldn't send her something I know she would hate. 

Just wanted to clarify that!

07-06-2009 at 5:16 PM
Bronxgirl7...
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LillyMD:

Out of curiousity, what was the poem?

It depends on what kind of friend she is. If she is someone I plan to stay in touch with and like, I would send a check (which is what I normally do). If I don't plan to stay friends, I would probably send nothing.

This, but I would also make fun of her mercilessly behind her back.

 


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07-06-2009 at 5:18 PM
DarcyLongf...
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I don't give cash for weddings.  Period.  I understand that giving cash is the norm in the Northeast, but it's not the norm in the south, and doing so makes me uncomfortable.

I give exactly the same as I would give if I didn't know the bride and groom wanted cash -- a present in a price range I feel comfortable with.

This is harder if they didn't do a registry.  But maybe there is a registry for shower gifts, and you can get something off of it?  If not, I'd give a generic wedding gift -- crystal, probably.  I got some beautiful crystal from Tiffanys for my wedding (that I hadn't registered for) -- a pitcher, a vase, etc.  Something like that would probably be in the right price range, and if they really hated it, they could return it (that blue box makes it pretty obvious where you bought it!).


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07-06-2009 at 5:19 PM
giventofly
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I pretty much give what I liked getting - cash or gift cards.

Being spiteful or petty is unnecessary.

 
07-06-2009 at 5:19 PM
Jinnifah
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I'd just write the cheque. I found out quite early on the Knot/Nest that I run with a tacky social circle. Asking straight out for money doesn't even make me blink - heck, that's what we did.

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07-06-2009 at 5:36 PM
CollegeGrr...
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heyrebekah:

Why do people think a poem makes everything better?  It just ups the tacky.

I would just ignore the website and send whatever you were planning on sending before you saw it.

I agree.

 
07-06-2009 at 6:00 PM
PunkyBoost...
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Please post the poem. Thanks!


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07-06-2009 at 6:01 PM
UDShoeGal9...
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I wouldn't give anything since you're not going to the wedding.
07-06-2009 at 7:24 PM
Dr.Loretta
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While her poem is tacky, I don't see how doing something out of spite is going to do any good.

Send her what you want to send her.

07-06-2009 at 7:26 PM
WeeMo
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I would just give money.  It's what she wants.  If she's your friend, why would you want to "teach her a lesson" for poor etiquette?  That just doesn't make sense to me.
07-06-2009 at 7:29 PM
kayt111
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If you post the poem I'll send you something lovely from grandma-in-law's estate to send to the bride.
 
07-06-2009 at 8:06 PM
SandAndSea
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Send her cash.  I don't see how asking for cash is any different than a registry asking for specific gifts. Maybe they are really hard up for cash now, you never know their situation.
 
07-06-2009 at 8:09 PM
SandAndSea
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grosnl19:
funny you just said that...my co-worker was on the phone with her fiance saying "well I hope we get some cash, it isn't like asking for cash is any different than asking for a gift".  Mind you together they probably make $180,000 year...so they aren't hurtin'
They may have triple that in SLs or may be saving for a house DP.  Or, they may be saving like crazy to SAH with children some day.  Or they may be donating half of that to a charity or a needful family member.  No matter their income, I don't think  you can judge their financial situation.
 

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