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08-19-2008 at 1:38 PM
lageorge82
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lageorge82 is not online. Last active: 12-03-2008, 10:33 PMNewbie

DH views MM way different

I am so upset....

My DH and I have had a disagreement today about money. The week before his Fantasy draft he had the cash in his wallet for the league. Then I check our account and an extra abount had been taken out. Come to find out it was for the draft. Long story short his debate is that he would have spent the same amount either way. By using the cash in his wallet for purchases instead of using his debit card. I am so frustrated b/c I didnt know that money was coming out and he told me a scrutinize his spending habits. Everything he does I put under a microscope and question it. Part of the higher problem is he says that I have been doing this since we got married in April. Well why did he not bring it up in June...instead of now while we are allready in a heated discussion.

No communication!!!!!!!! Ahhh! Anyone here who's husband has ever said anything like this? No I understand why people say money is in the top three for fueling fires.

Sorry to unload but I am in my classroom trying to get things done and I am just so upset and needed to vent. Thanks for any happy thoughts! :)

 
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08-19-2008 at 1:40 PM
ForForever
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Do you guys have fun money? We each have a certain amount we can spend every month - no questions asked. It's worked beautifully.

How the husband makes me hash browns. 
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08-19-2008 at 1:43 PM
lageorge82
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lageorge82 is not online. Last active: 12-03-2008, 10:33 PMNewbie
No, we do not. We have talked about doing this. We are just not sure if it should be a % of each check or just a total amount each month. We are still working on a budget. We had a lot of trips this summer and have not been able to gage a great budget.
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:44 PM
cassnmike
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Ditto ForForever. DH and I are in serious debt pay off so we do not have any fun money at this time. But once everything is paid off we will definitely start having fun money that way I won't have to worry about what DH is spending.
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:45 PM
hawaii123
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You need to do a budget that you both agree on and give each other a set amount to spend on whatever.  If more is needed, then you'll have to have a discussion about it before more money is taken.

A lot of people on this board have a set weekly amount that each person gets and they spend it on whatever they choose.
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:46 PM
kris216
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kris216 is not online. Last active: 12-04-2008, 7:17 PMSilver
Ugh.  I would be resentful too if you asked about every purchase I made and even criticized how I divvied up the money allotted to me.  If the same amount of money is used for fun money, what does it matter when it comes out?  If I'm understanding you correctly, he didn't exceed the budget, right?  So that money should already be earmarked as his fun money, and its removal from the bank account shouldn't be a problem.  It sounds like you guys need either a better budget or better communication, or probably both.
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:46 PM
kristisd
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That's a tough situation.  I don't blame you for thinking the money in his wallet should have gone towards the draft.  But...it seems to me that the bigger problem is that you need to both get on the same page with your finances.  It's a huge deal to get married and suddenly have this other person who's spending your money, likely completely differently from how you spend.  There are all sorts of ways to combine finances -- joint accounts, separate accounts, joint + separate -- and they each can work well if both parties are in agreement.  I suggest you read the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich."  It does a good job of laying out some basic steps that will help you get on the same page with DH.  It's highly recommended on this board for a reason.  GL.
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:47 PM
ForForever
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Sounds like you might have a project to work on! It took us a couple months to get a system (budget & fun money) working for us, but I am so happy we took the time and effort to get it going.

% or just an actual dollar amount, either way - just an amount that works for you.  It could save you from many arguments like this in the future.

How the husband makes me hash browns. 
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08-19-2008 at 1:47 PM
kris216
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Oh, I just saw your followup.  Yeah, a budget eliminates arguments like the one you described.  I would make one ASAP if I were you - move it up in the to-do list if you can.  Good luck!
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:51 PM
CurbsideProphet
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I am confused at to what you are upset about. Not using the cash for the draft? Or something that was said in the discussion about it?



Knot Bio 
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08-19-2008 at 1:53 PM
kris216
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Oh and regarding how to set an amount, we have a set dollar amount direct-deposited to our individual checking accounts (with the bulk of our checks going to joint checking and savings).  You can determine the right amount for you by....making a budget!  See how it all comes back to that?  Once you have all your fixed expenses in place, plus savings, you can decide how much of what's left over will become fun money. 
 
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08-19-2008 at 1:59 PM
Mrs.Angeles
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last time i checked you need a debit/credit card to be able to do fantasy football online.  if it's online, i'm not too sure how he would have been able to do it with cash.  and if it's not online, i'm not sure how he would have been able to use a debit card.


I know Rocky looks pixelated but i'm too lazy to fix it. 
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08-19-2008 at 2:11 PM
lageorge82
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lageorge82 is not online. Last active: 12-03-2008, 10:33 PMNewbie

I am upset at the way the discussion turned. I am upset there was no communication on his end. I am upset that he feels this way. I am upset that it has been so difficult to get a serious budget together. I think everything complied onto eachother. I am a saver and he is a spender. We will be living off of one income starting in Sept.  and I just watch our money to make sure everything is correct. I guess the differences at some point can just boil and then you disagree. Once we have our set budget for starting in Sept. we can add fun money.

One question for those who do fun money....

When you go out as a couple to do something does it come out of joint accounts? And do bday presents for eachother come out of fun money?

 
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08-19-2008 at 2:15 PM
ForForever
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lageorge82:

I am upset at the way the discussion turned. I am upset there was no communication on his end. I am upset that he feels this way. I am upset that it has been so difficult to get a serious budget together. I think everything complied onto eachother. I am a saver and he is a spender. We will be living off of one income starting in Sept.  and I just watch our money to make sure everything is correct. I guess the differences at some point can just boil and then you disagree. Once we have our set budget for starting in Sept. we can add fun money.

One question for those who do fun money....

When you go out as a couple to do something does it come out of joint accounts? And do bday presents for eachother come out of fun money?

You are going to be living off 1 income starting in September? Like, in 2 weeks, September?! Get on it!! Just from our experience - it takes some work! It won't always work the first (or even second) month.

When you go out as a couple to do something does it come out of joint accounts? Yes, we have entertainment & dining out line items in our budget.

And do bday presents for each other come out of fun money? We save up for gifts as a line item on our budget.

How the husband makes me hash browns. 
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08-19-2008 at 2:41 PM
kris216
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lageorge82:
When you go out as a couple to do something does it come out of joint accounts? And do bday presents for eachother come out of fun money?

Going out as a couple comes out of our joint account, yes.  And we have our birthdays budgeted separately too, and they also come out of our joint account.  I work the amount into each of our birthday months, and not just the gift, but the dinner out too, as it's usually a little more expensive than our normal dinner out. 

And you didn't ask this, but gifts for others work that way too - I work them into our regular monthly budget so they don't have to come out of our fun money.
 
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08-19-2008 at 2:57 PM
LaLaLisa
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Why are you upset that he took extra money out?  Did a bill not get paid? Was savings compromised? What were the consequences?

If there were none - besides the fact that you discovered he handled  something differently than you expected - you need to go apologize to him. You are not the boss of him.  You have no right to be upset with him because he handles money differently than you.  As he asked, so what if he used cash for some things and debit for other?  Who said your way is right and his is wrong?

Do you see how this could make a person angry?  To be treated like a child?

Now, if there were repercussions, like you couldn't pay a bill, that's different. Calmly talk to him about your concerns about that and ask him if he has ideas or solutions.  Work together to come up with a plan.

And frankly, considering your reaction I can see why he didn't rush to confront you.  Sheesh.  You know, sometimes people are just trying to be nice when they first get married, are trying to make it work and not complain.



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08-19-2008 at 3:48 PM
ibis
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If $35 is that big a deal, either your budget is SO tight that he shouldn't be doing the draft at all, or you are being way too controlling over your shared money.

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