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08-20-2008 at 12:00 PM
Laura&Mikey
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Thornton, CO
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Laura&Mikey is not online. Last active: 10-14-2008, 4:10 PMNewbie

Need some help

Okay so my DH has told me on several occasions that I need to be more affectionate and innitiate sex more. I try to be more affectionate but I have a horrible time innitiating sex. I just can not do it. I don't know why. It's not that I don't want to or that I don't think about it often I just can't do it. It's like I am scared.... which is absolutely ridiculous because me and my DH are so close. I don't know how to fix it. I know he wants to feel wanted and needed and I really want to be able to do that. I just tell myself ... Just do it Laura, but it's like I freeze up. I know sounds stupid.... it is stupid, but it's a real problem. Any advice or anyone have the same problem?

 
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08-20-2008 at 12:23 PM
alecto819
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alecto819 is not online. Last active: 12-04-2008, 4:44 PMBronze
Have you talked to him about this?
Rachael & Kris, October 13, 2007

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08-20-2008 at 12:30 PM
Mrs.E12.15.07
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Rohnert Park, CA
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Mrs.E12.15.07 is not online. Last active: 10-05-2008, 8:17 PMNewbie

I have a lot of the same issues. I understand everything that you just said. I have talked to DH about it and told him that I am very attracted to him but that I just have a hard time initiating. However, I have been working on it lately. If I am in the mood then I tell myself that I just have to do it. And I make myself go do it...because I know that once I do I will enjoy it and he will LOVE it! He has noticed as well that I have been putting forth more effort. I suggest that even when you freeze up and cannot go....just do it anyway...just walk in and do it. I had to start somewhere...I think you can do it!!! Good Luck! 

Mrs. E

 
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08-20-2008 at 12:33 PM
Nov07FLBride
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Orlando, FL
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Nov07FLBride is not online. Last active: 10-03-2008, 11:48 AMNewbie
You are not alone!  I completely understand your position.  I am actually the same way.  I would say I initiate about 1% of the time.  I think it's a self-concious issue.  I feel like I'm going to look like a fool and humiliate myself or something.  I have trouble just getting to the point where I just go for it...lol...so I would also benefit from any avice anyone might have.  TIA!
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08-20-2008 at 12:40 PM
Laura&Mikey
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Laura&Mikey is not online. Last active: 10-14-2008, 4:10 PMNewbie
Oh it is so good to hear that other people have a hard time with this too. I totally agree with the feeling like I will humiliate myself even though I KNOW he would love anything I did. We have had several conversations about it and I am completely honest with him. It's crazy I can talk to him about with no problem but can't actually do anything about it. Tongue Tied I just want to act on my feelings. I think I am a very sexual person but have trouble being that person in real life. Like I would love to have a threesome, but I just know I am too insecure and would be way to jealous. I guess if I can't even initiate normal sex that's far off anyway.
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08-20-2008 at 12:42 PM
MartiniChick01
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Maybe start out initiating in ways that don't involve you being face to face or even talking to him.  Start out in the morning before work and put a post-it note in his lunch with something suggestive, or text him something naughty.  Make up a code word for sex (of course, let your DH in on the code word) and use the word in some general conversation when you want.

 

If you build it up throughout the day then it will be a given that you will be doing it when you are both together at home.

 

 
 
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08-20-2008 at 12:54 PM
SusieBW
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I used to feel the same way, but PPs are right, you just have to do it, and then you'll get more comfortable.  My DH used to think it was great when I'd just be completely blunt about it.  Like, I'd get up off the couch and turn to him and say, "c'mon, I wanna go have sex."  That's all it takes, really, to get most guys in the mood if they weren't already.




 
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08-20-2008 at 1:00 PM
SukisMom
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It can be embarrassing to initiate, but maybe you could try coming out of the bathroom naked - that may be all it takes Wink or just start rubbing/kissing his back or wrap your legs around him once you are in bed.  He should take over from there.

It's amazing how far we can go out of our comfort zone when we are doing it for the one we love.  Especially when they are asking for it.

Good luck! 

 
 
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08-20-2008 at 1:08 PM
Cole0702
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Chicago, Illinois
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Cole0702 is not online. Last active: 11-30-2008, 10:40 AMBronze
I'm the same way!! I just cant initiate..I'm always waiting and hoping he does!! But lately he's been waiting for me to initiate it. UGH! Its so frustrating!


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08-20-2008 at 2:14 PM
mrs_stillman
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i agree with the walking out naked. guys get obvious things. put on a sexy nightie and just walk around or just go up and kiss him in it. most guys are sooo easy to just switch on. it can be lots of fun thinking of new ways to turn him on.
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08-20-2008 at 2:14 PM
andie312000
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Just start out small.  Kiss a little longer/deeper then normal.  Rub his shoulders or give him a wink.  Eventually you'll be able to be do more and more.  Just be sure you talk to him about it and let him know you'll be starting off small.  If he doesn't get the small hints, don't worry about it!  Lol, there have been times when my DH is just not getting my subtle hints.  I have to practically grab the front of his pants.  ;)  That's gets his attention.  :)  Good luck!

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08-20-2008 at 5:03 PM
RubyInParadise
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Joined on 08-31-2006
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RubyInParadise is online. Last active: 12-04-2008, 7:36 PMSilver

The more that you initiate, the more used to that awkward feeling you will become and it should pass, or at least get a lot easier.

I'm kind of like that sometimes. 
 
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08-20-2008 at 7:29 PM
wellington
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wellington is not online. Last active: 12-01-2008, 3:46 PMNewbie
I have been having the same problem.  Actually we both have...tired, busy etc etc.  So I have been making an effort to initiate.  PP are right about sending suggestive emails, leaving notes or voice mails.  Last night all I did was come downstairs in a nightie and sat on the couch.  He got the hint and came to me.  Guys really do need to be hit over the head.  A few weeks ago I told him during dinner out that I wanted to give him head for dessert.  He could get the check fast enough.  Just be brave and do little things and he will take over once you do.   Then all you have to do is enjoy....
 
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08-20-2008 at 7:49 PM
sandee34741
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Oh my.  I guess I am way out there then...

To me, my H is the sexiest man alive!  I can't wait to slide up next to him NAKED at night!  He works days and I work nights.  The only time I get to see him is Friday nite and Saturday.  Let me tell you we make the most of the time we do have together!!!!

I suggest - rent or buy a porn movie.  While at that location, you may find some interesting items to buy too.  After all THIS MAN IS YOUR HUSBAND - DON'T YOU FIND HIM SEXY?  AND you can have all the sex you want to - HE IS YOUR HUSBAND! 

Men are easy!  Showing up naked is good.  Be naked when he gets back from where ever.  You would be amazed at what you get in return!!!
Sandee N Glenn N Harley - 11/24/2007 We became a family!
 
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08-20-2008 at 8:23 PM
tiffwins
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tiffwins is not online. Last active: 11-02-2008, 8:24 PMNewbie

I don't think it's an issue of her not thinking he's sexy at all!

I dont know about anyone else, but as for me... sometimes FI is so attractive to me that it's almost hard to think or to not get a little intimidated! Nothing wrong with that.
 
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08-21-2008 at 9:59 AM
OMG Guinea Pigs!!
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You really just can't unzip his pants and start playing with his weener?

I just don't understand you girls. 


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08-21-2008 at 10:18 AM
Laura&Mikey
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Laura&Mikey is not online. Last active: 10-14-2008, 4:10 PMNewbie

Thanks ladies!!! I do think my DH is super sexy. We do watch porn and I always send him naughty text messages. It's just when it comes to actually walking up to him and jumping on him like I would like to do I just can't. It is so dumb.... and I know it but I can't. I have just decided that no matter how hard it is I have to just do it. Like one PP said the more I do it the easier it would be. I think I just have a big sex drive. I think for most of our relationship he was always on me so it was never an issue, but lately it has slowed down cause we have been so busy moving and all the kids starting school. I just have to do it!!!!! Thanks for the comments its good to know others struggle too.
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08-21-2008 at 3:09 PM
Leslie07
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I definitely don't think it has ANYTHING to do with being or not being attracted... if anything, it's because you're so attracted to him you don't want to look like a dumbass. I think it has to do mainly with our own self esteem and being self conscious. It does with me anyway. It's really hard for me to initiate sex in a naughty way or say dirty things. I want to,  I think those things... It's just when it comes out of my mouth I feel like an idiot. I know exactly how you feel and I'm glad to know lots of other people feel the same way. Guys just don't get it sometimes... and it's hard for us girls (well, me anyway) to get the ball rolling. My dh wants me to initiate more too and he loves to feel wanted and to be pounced on...it's just hard for me to be so.... aggressive sometimes. I know that sounds stupid and childish.... but I'm glad you feel the same way. It's not that I'm not comfortable with him either...we've been together for 7 years. It's just one of those things I just can't explain. But I definitely think it has to do with being self conscious.


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