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04-07-2008 at 10:18 AM
lata82
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Joined on 02-16-2007
Southern Maryland
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lata82 is not online. Last active: 07-03-2008, 3:28 PMBronze

S/O letting friends go - how do you?

I have a friend from HS in which we just don't have that much in common anymore. I really don't like to hang out with her as she annoys me and such. Anyway whenever she calls I always tell her I am busy and not interested in whatever she want to do, basically avoid her, thinking she would get the hint. She is a very, very sweet person but like I said we have nothing in common anymore and she just irks me. And it always seems she wants something. My sister is having the same problem with one of her friends. I just don't know what to do.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker


 
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04-07-2008 at 10:21 AM
spiffyone
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Joined on 06-07-2002
va
196 Posts
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spiffyone is not online. Last active: 07-05-2008, 12:11 PMNewbie

it is always hard when your lifestyles change and suddenly things you had in common aren't there as much.  maybe sit down for lunch with her and talk to her about how things aren't the same for you anymore.  express your concerns. 

i had a friend who just decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore and just stopped talking to me.  totally cut all communication with me.  i was going through a really hard time and needed her friendship (she was my supposedly best friend and this was during my m/c).  that is how i realized that she was done with me.  we haven't spoken to each other in around a year. 

i would do it a more tasteful way than that.
Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker 
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04-07-2008 at 10:24 AM
Pam&John
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Pam&John is not online. Last active: 07-05-2008, 11:46 AMNewbie
Can you not take the call at all (caller ID)? chicken way out, I know... but if you ignore her enough, she'll get the hint. (think of it as if you were breaking up with a BF in high school.....:)
Unless she's done something morally reprehensible (you know, like murder...), it's difficult for me to be aggressive enough to say "I don't want to be your friend any more."
Pam and John

Figuring Out the New Nest Format....I'll Get Back to You Later 
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04-07-2008 at 10:25 AM
julie5220
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Joined on 08-19-2004
Alexandria, VA
454 Posts
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julie5220 is not online. Last active: 07-02-2008, 12:55 PMNewbie
Well, seeing how I'm working on building UP my friend base, I don't think I'd "let go" a friend who was actually willing to make an effort to see me and who is genuinely a good person.  I do have friends that I've drifted away from b/c they don't seem commited to the friendship or we are in separate places (literally and/or figurativley), but that's easy... they don't call/e-mail, neither do I.  It does always leave the door open, though.

I don't think you have to "let her go"... she could just be in a different category of friends.  Transition her over to 'a friend that you don't hang out with.' 

Friends are VERY hard to come by as you get older.
 
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04-07-2008 at 10:27 AM
smacb
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Joined on 12-14-2007
Mclean, va
337 Posts
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smacb is online. Last active: 07-05-2008, 5:24 PMNewbie

The older I get the more I'm strucj by how strange it is who you do and do not keep in touch with.  i have several close friends that I've completely lost touch with.  i don't know what country they're in, and I regret it.  I also still talk to people I was never that close to.  I think if you're not interested all you can do is put no effort into it, eventually it will die.

My only caution would be that I have a friend that I've known for 16 years.  She's very sweet, single, an accountant and she lives in rural Ohio.  We've had years where we had nothing in common, but we've kept in touch.  I almost gave up on the friendship a few times, but I'm glad I didn't.  Like any relationship, I think friendships wax and wane.  Before you cut your friend loose, I'd be absolutely sure that you will never want a relaqtionship with her.
Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker 
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04-07-2008 at 10:29 AM
Pam&John
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Pam&John is not online. Last active: 07-05-2008, 11:46 AMNewbie
Okay, so now I feel like an ass. My reaction was the "friend from HS" part. Yes, you can grow apart and not have to feel guilty about it. If you're spending more time avoiding her than acutally talking to or doing things with her, I think that tells you... you're no longer friends. She's someone you used to know, and that's okay, too.
Pam and John

Figuring Out the New Nest Format....I'll Get Back to You Later 
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04-07-2008 at 11:09 AM
lata82
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Joined on 02-16-2007
Southern Maryland
915 Posts
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lata82 is not online. Last active: 07-03-2008, 3:28 PMBronze
pam - that seems to be the approach I have taken for the past oh I don't know 4 years and that is not working. I say HS friend because that's where we met and we hung out a lot then but now I just have no desire to do things with her. I could go on and on about the things that she has done that have made me really mad. Guess I could always wait for something else to come up and use that as an excuse.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker


 
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04-07-2008 at 12:20 PM
love247
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Joined on 02-17-2006
Maryland
158 Posts
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love247 is not online. Last active: 07-04-2008, 11:30 PMNewbie
I had a very needy gf, who just was so into her own sh*t, she ignored anything I said- sent an rsvp to our wedding, talked to her about it, she no showed, then a day later I got a mass e-mail family newsletter update with pictures of her kids,  a few weeks later I got another e-mail for a girls night in, still nothing about the wedding, no card, nothing. I just stopped answering her e-mails. Havent' heard from her in 5 months, and don't miss her.
Sometimes you just have to drop off the face of their earth, or get the guts to break up with them "I know we've been friends forever, but we don't have anything in common anymore, and I don't want to hurt you, but we are in two different places. I can't be the friend you want, or the kind of friend I'd like to be."

You'd think there was a book out there "Shes just not into you", how to tell your gf is not your BFF anymore.
Who says you can't find love in a bar? Just start a fire and marry the hot fireman who comes to put it out.

Lilypie Expecting a baby Ticker 
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04-07-2008 at 3:32 PM
rnin02
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Joined on 01-08-2006
sterling, va
197 Posts
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rnin02 is not online. Last active: 07-05-2008, 3:05 PMNewbie
I wish I knew how to do this too! I have a similar type friend, we were great friends for a while, then rented an apartment together for a few years and by the end of the few years I was ready to be done with her. She was a pretty crappy room mate, incredibly rude to my DH when we started dating (and that has never, ever changed) and just so many little things. I've never figured out how to get really stop being friends with her...we can go months without talking and then she'll pop up again. Ugh. I probably should have had a big blowout with her years ago, but I was trying to just ease out of the friendship although I realize now that's impossible. Anyway, good luck!

Odin! 
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