The Nest

I'm with ya girl!! I am 32 and by no means ready to have a child. My husband has a son and he is with us every other weekend. I ADORE him but I don't want any of our own right now. We love our life and don't want anything to change right now. We are thinking when I turn 35, but even then that seems too soon!

my household is DINK as well and I'm never offended by it.  In fact I like being double income no kids. 

 

Don't let other people's opinions or timetables get to you.  Whether or not you have kids or when you have them should be between you and your husband and no one else...not parents or friends or definitely coworkers.  

I've heard the DINKS thing before, and I don't take offense to it.  I read somewhere awhile back that this is the demographic a lot of advertisers love because they have the most money to spend.  Personally I am enjoying the DINK phase of life :-)

We are a DINK household too! I joke with DH that I would love to be an OINK, with his being the one income (meaning I could soooo easily be a stay at home wife).

I have heard the term before, and I think the intention depends entirely how it is used.  I have some friends who like to vacation a lot, and they refer to it as "living the DINK lifestyle" while they can - just sort of justifying the lifestyle and freedom that comes with not having kids right now.  They are definitely enjoying that status right now!

You shouldn't feel pressured to have kids, or should you be looked down on by others for not having them.  I'm sorry you got that impression from others!  I don't think the DINK term inherently has that connotation, but it could definitely be used negatively and I see how you could be offended depending on the situation.

I have heard of DINK before.  It does offend me, but I think that's because we're not DINK by choice.  I really think people should keep those kind of comments to themselves because they never know what people are going through in their personal lives.  If you are DINK by choice, I think that's great, you should have that choice and enjoy it, not feel guilty about it.

You're not alone here.  I'm also 30, and my DH and I are a SINK at the moment, hehe :)  (single income, no kids) - only b/c I'm still in grad school.  I like a previous poster's abbreviation OINK too, haha!

I know it can be really irritating when family, friends, coworkers, etc. make you feel negative just for living your lives the way that you want.   I just tell myself that perhaps this comes from insecurities, doubts or resentments they have about the life choices they've made for themselves.  

As for me personally, while I think children are great and a blessing to those who want them - - I just am not sure if that's the life I want.  My DH and I enjoy our time together, love to travel, and we work hard to support a number of charities and nonprofits that provide advocacy for kids.  We love these activities, but just aren't sure if we want to have kids ourselves, so for now we're happy staying SINKS - - and once I graduate, hope to become DINKS!  :)  So, you're not alone! 

We're DINKs for life!!

I agree, don't let it get you down. :)

Don't let it bother you.  I'm quite happy that we are DINK's right now.  All of our friends who have kids are struggling-stressed, money issues, no free time, dead end jobs, etc.

I like having extra money and the ability to leave the house at the drop of a hat and not have to find a sitter or pack a diaper bag, have my scheduled ruled by a child's needs...

No, you shouldn't be offended. I've never heard the term before but from reading your post I wouldn't be offended. I guess I don't see how its any different from someone saying "they don't have any kids". I don't know, maybe its just me but that adjective is not one that would get under my skin. I wouldn't give it another thought if I were you, not worth it!

I'm confused. "Dual income, no kids" is a descriptive term, not a judgment. Why would you be offended? Is it because the word "DINK" sounds like "dinky" which is not a complimentary adjective?

I doubt they meant it to be offensive, they're probably just jealous :-)

Ugh.  The older I get, the more I realize that I might not ever want kids.  I know, I'm only 26, I'm not old.  But man...I love our life as it is!  People who use DINK pejoratively are probably just jealous.

Remember that being DINK means you have choices...tons of 'em!  You can remain DINK, or have kids, or leave your job, or something else...those who have kids already don't have these options.  Celebrate your DINK-hood!

I'm also kind of confused at the people who think DINK is offensive.  I'm happy to be a DINK!  There are also THINKs (Two Healthy Incomes No Kids) and DEWKS (Dually Employed With Kids).

Stevi, I wouldn't be offended in the least.  J and I are in the same boat-while we know we do want to have kids one day, that "one day" is not going to be anytime soon (much to my MIL's chagrin).  Right now, it's just us and the dog...and we'll probably be adding a cat and another dog before we even try to have a baby so we're in NO hurry.  At this point, when people get nosy about it I tell them pretty much what I just typed above, but in a tone of voice that says "And if you don't like it, you can suck it."  They USUALLY back off...usually :P

My DH and I proudly called ourselves DINK's up until the Great Job Loss of 2008 (we both got laid off in '08).  Same as the OP, we consider ourselves a family with our wonderful chocolate Lab!  Enjoy the childfree lifestyle, it's wonderful!

Thanks ladies, and for those of you that wondered WHY I was offended I guess I skipped over the subject of why it was brought up.

When it was said they were saying, "why do my dink friends never include my kids on an invite"?  I was ok with that, until they started discussing how many dink couples are use to only thinking about themselves and more then likely they wouldn't want kids at a party, since they donb't have any of there own.  I was taken aback by the direction the conversation went.  After that DH and I just again talked about the whole kid thing (which we do pretty openly...one minute we are YA the next minute NAY).

Anyway, it made me think about what other people think about us.  Do they see us as selfish......I know a girl that can't have kids....does she resent me for not wanting them.  I think I just always thought of it as our choice, and we were a young couple so I could always brush off the comments.  Now that we are going on year 5 of marriage and 30 years old (seriously what is up with hitting 30? What's the big deal?) I began to think it may not be so easy to brush off.....and then of course comes the REAL question.  Will we ever want kids?

Ummm

 

 

in that situation i wouldn't be offended i'd get p*ssy though and tell them that as a "dink" family i'm not selfish or against kids being invited to a kid friendly party. but like others have said I have a choice and I could care less if you don't like my choice...

Mokie:

There are also THINKs (Two Healthy Incomes No Kids) and DEWKS (Dually Employed With Kids).

We are proud to be DINKWADs: Doublie income, no kids, with a dog.

Have kids if and when you are ready to have them...simple as that! It's no one's business but your own when you decide to have a child, even though people feel the need to give you their unsolicited opinion on the matter :) It goes from "when are you having kids" to "aren't you done yet?", which is what I hear all the time now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting until you are 100% ready. Financial responsibility is only one aspect of it. You need to feel emotionally and mentally prepared as well. It a dacision that only you and your husband can make together, but for some reason, people think that they should be able to weigh in. It's annoying, and you just have to let it all go! Plus, 30 is not old!!

Joenali:

My husband has a son and he is with us every other weekend. I ADORE him but I don't want any of our own right now. 

Doesn't this mean you already have a son?  Your husband's son is yours too right...stepson?  

 

As for "DINK" I had only recently heard the term, I just thought it was a description.  

i'm familiar with the term, TINK.  two-income-no-kids. 

DH and i were just at a halloween party over the wknd where a 35 yr old grandma - yes, 35 yr old GRANDMA - let into me about not having kids yet. 

 it's such a societal thing, it's like you get married and the next step people assume will happen is, you will begin a family.  some of us think not having a kid in an already over populated world, is ok.  if you want to have kids, great.  if someone doesn't want to have kids, that is their own personal preference.

Self described DINK here!

When it was said they were saying, "why do my dink friends never include my kids on an invite"?  I was ok with that, until they started discussing how many dink couples are use to only thinking about themselves and more then likely they wouldn't want kids at a party, since they donb't have any of there own. 

Unless we specifically state kids, we don't want children at the parties we throw - they aren't kids parties.  It has nothing to do with not having kids, it has to do with thinking kids should be at home asleep when you are having a Saturday night party that starts at 8pm.

 

NAH, that wouldn't offend me. We have friends who describe themselves that way, and we used to call ourselves DINks. It's akin to being called a yuppy. There are much worse things to be called.

Thembi:

my household is DINK as well and I'm never offended by it.  In fact I like being double income no kids. 

 

Don't let other people's opinions or timetables get to you.  Whether or not you have kids or when you have them should be between you and your husband and no one else...not parents or friends or definitely coworkers.  

I totally agree with this.  I'm good with not having to spend money on daycare and other baby costs right now.  In the future, yes, but right now?  Not going to happen- no matter how much MIL wants it

DINK is absolutely not offensive.  In fact, I wore it proud for years!  (Even though we are now defecting, I have nothing but the utmost respect for other DINKs....dual income, no kids = lots of fun) 

queenybride:

Thanks ladies, and for those of you that wondered WHY I was offended I guess I skipped over the subject of why it was brought up.

When it was said they were saying, "why do my dink friends never include my kids on an invite"?  I was ok with that, until they started discussing how many dink couples are use to only thinking about themselves and more then likely they wouldn't want kids at a party, since they donb't have any of there own.  I was taken aback by the direction the conversation went.  After that DH and I just again talked about the whole kid thing (which we do pretty openly...one minute we are YA the next minute NAY).

Anyway, it made me think about what other people think about us.  Do they see us as selfish......I know a girl that can't have kids....does she resent me for not wanting them.  I think I just always thought of it as our choice, and we were a young couple so I could always brush off the comments.  Now that we are going on year 5 of marriage and 30 years old (seriously what is up with hitting 30? What's the big deal?) I began to think it may not be so easy to brush off.....and then of course comes the REAL question.  Will we ever want kids?

Ummm

DINK is a very comment term and I've never heard it used in a manner that could be construed as offensive in and of itself.

As for the above, my perspective may be a bit unusual, but here it is, FWIW.  Before meeting DH, I never wanted kids and didn't like them.  I absolutely appreciated it when my friends who were parents didn't mix the childless with children.  I had no desire to be around kids and certainly didn't want to be at parties with them because they tend to suck up a great deal of time and energy.  It's nobody's fault, that's simply the nature of the beast, er, child.

Now that I have children, I try to be very sensitive about that.  I never bring my kids with me when I meet up with childless friends and I certainly don't invite my childless friends to any kid-friendly party unless the number of kids is going to be limited.  I know that some of my childless friends don't mind kids, but several of them have expressed appreciation that I don't make my kids part of our GTGs.  The fact is that I cannot pay sufficient attention to the adults when I have two pre-schoolers constantly vying for my attention.

I'm not sure I'd refer to DINKs as "selfish" but there is no question that DINKS are able to focus far more on themselves than parents tend to be able to, at least when kids are very young.  I don't see this as a negative by any stretch, simply a fact.

BTW, I also don't bombard my friends - childless or otherwise - with photos of my kids.

queenybride:

Thanks ladies, and for those of you that wondered WHY I was offended I guess I skipped over the subject of why it was brought up.

When it was said they were saying, "why do my dink friends never include my kids on an invite"?  I was ok with that, until they started discussing how many dink couples are use to only thinking about themselves and more then likely they wouldn't want kids at a party, since they donb't have any of there own.  I was taken aback by the direction the conversation went.  After that DH and I just again talked about the whole kid thing (which we do pretty openly...one minute we are YA the next minute NAY).

Anyway, it made me think about what other people think about us.  Do they see us as selfish......I know a girl that can't have kids....does she resent me for not wanting them.  I think I just always thought of it as our choice, and we were a young couple so I could always brush off the comments.  Now that we are going on year 5 of marriage and 30 years old (seriously what is up with hitting 30? What's the big deal?) I began to think it may not be so easy to brush off.....and then of course comes the REAL question.  Will we ever want kids?

Ummm

Be proud of your DINK-hood!!  I would NEVER invite kids to a party with all of our "DINK" friends and that would be because I WAS thinking of the kids!... I mean, most of the parties our friends are throwing at this point are definitely NOT kid friendly, even though most of us are 29-32 years old (I'm sorry, but kids do not need to be subjected to a bunch of adults playing beer pong until 3 a.m.)

Anyway, I am totally in the exact same boat as you... I really do want kids (I'm 30, soon to be 31) and we've been talking about starting a family this coming year.  But at the same time, I love my life the way it currently is and I find myself dreading the commitment of having a child when I really think about it.  Maybe I'm just scared, I don't know... I know that I'll never truly be "ready" for a child.  DH and I are about to get a puppy, though, so we'll see how that goes first!

We are DINK and proud ;-) C'mon over to BNOTB, you'll love it.