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11-06-2009 at 3:09 PM
kbkenn
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How to respond when MIL says "I love you"

I can barely stand MIL.  She is manipulative, crazy.  Clearly shows favortism to BIL and treats DH pretty crappy.

Anytime I see her or talk to her, she says I love you.

i don't love her.  I barely like her. 

How would you respond?  I certainly don't want to say it back.  But it's always ackward if I don't respond.  I usually respond after she says "I love you" with something like "nice to see you too"

Any better ideas?

 
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11-06-2009 at 3:19 PM
Sue_sue
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Let your eyes fill with 'tears'; and pretend to be too choked up to speak. Place your hand meaningfully on her shoulder, then look away. Pat her shoulder, and walk off waving your hand in front of your eyes in order to dry your 'tears'. 
 
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11-06-2009 at 3:24 PM
annabelle....
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thank you?

that means a lot to me?

 
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11-06-2009 at 3:28 PM
Mrs.Elsie
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I have this problem too. I don't hate her though, I'm just not comfortable saying that to her. I used to just smile at her and either change the subject or if we were leaving I'd tell her it was good to see her and have a good night. Thankfully she picked up on it and doesn't say it to me anymore.
A great marriage is not when the "perfect couple" comes together
it's when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences. 
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11-06-2009 at 3:29 PM
scwheal1
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Wow - I'm not sure how I would respond. I like my MIL, but she's way overbearing and the thought of telling her that I love her makes me gag. I'm not sure what I would do. Maybe just smile at her? That might seem creepy though.

It's going to be awkward with anything you do since you don't love her. I would just keep with the awkward of not saying anything at all when she says it.
 
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11-06-2009 at 3:30 PM
ictoana
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"Thank you"


 
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11-06-2009 at 3:31 PM
margaritag...
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Sue_sue:
Let your eyes fill with 'tears'; and pretend to be too choked up to speak. Place your hand meaningfully on her shoulder, then look away. Pat her shoulder, and walk off waving your hand in front of your eyes in order to dry your 'tears'. 

Yes 
 
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11-06-2009 at 3:52 PM
Maybride2
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Would just saying "you too" kill you?

I wouldn't make this a hill to die on, but that's just me.  If saying "love ya too" makes her happy, I'd be more than happy to do that rather than have some big awkward confrontation about it.

I have to say a lot of stuff that I don't mean.  I don't really think that my boss's presentation was great, but I'll say it anyway.
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11-06-2009 at 4:04 PM
ZestofLime
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Maybride2:

Would just saying "you too" kill you?

I don't mean to sound snarky, but there is no way i would say "I love you too" to someone that was manipulative and treated my H poorly.

If she was nice and you had decent relationship then "you too" would be fine. I do that with GMIL.

 
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11-06-2009 at 4:05 PM
cravecase
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I get this too, and she refers to herself as mom.  It wasn't until about 5 years into the relationship (a few months before we got married) that I stopped calling her Mrs. *** :)  Anyway, I call her by her first name, and when she says I love you I say "thank you" or "you too" I know the second one sounds silly but it works.  Sometimes on the phone she says "well I love you guys" (as in hubby and myself) so I say "we do to" or something.  Its akward, but I think she realizes that I am not at that stage.  Her other DIL jumped on the "Mom" and "love you" bandwagon asap, but that might have something to do with the fact that my IL's support them fully since they are unemployed with 4 kids, I would probably feel the need to conform also.

Good Luck!

CraveCase 
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11-06-2009 at 5:01 PM
msjbear
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I say it back to my MIL, but we are on fine terms. I'm not very close with her, but not because of anything negative. I would say that you are never required to say it back...I know it's awkward, but I'm also a believer that you need to be genuine with people...especially family/friends.
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11-06-2009 at 6:03 PM
bbbx3
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ygpm
 
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11-06-2009 at 6:49 PM
Wahoo
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Does she say it when you are leaving?  Then I'd just say "bye,"  if she says it when she sees you, say "hello,"

 



There is no strong coffee. Only weak men. 
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11-06-2009 at 7:12 PM
scherza
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I think that saying "thanks" and leaving it at that is probably fine.
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

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11-06-2009 at 7:59 PM
rxbeth
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I haven't been faced with this yet (thankfully).  I don't hate her at all...it's just that my own Mother has passed away and so our relationship is complicated.  I would probably stare like a deer in the headlights, stammer and walk off.  lol
 
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11-06-2009 at 9:48 PM
BlackBeans...
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I have this same issue with my MIL.  Eventhough I have my own mother, my MIL claims that I lost my parents once I married her son...sooo...the whole "I love you" and calling MIL "Mom" honestly makes me really uncomfortable.  I tried to say it, just to avoid any type of confrontation, but it really made me uncomfortable.  So, now I just say "thanks, take care" when MIL says "I love you" (she only says it when we leave or she leaves), and I call her by her first name, not "Mom".  Its still pretty awkward, but for me its much more comfortable than the alternative =)
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11-07-2009 at 8:44 AM
OceanRunne...
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scherza:
I think that saying "thanks" and leaving it at that is probably fine.
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11-07-2009 at 9:53 AM
jquirke988...
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I think a lot of these responses are good ideas.  "Thank you" or "It was nice to see you" seem totally acceptable.  My MIL says "I love you" to me and I don't really say it back.... sometimes I will say "We love you, too".  I know my mother says it to MH and he doesn't really know how to react.  We both like our MIL's just fine but it just a little awkward to say I love you to them.
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11-07-2009 at 10:40 AM
LetErRip
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I agree with maybride. Who knows? Maybe that small gesture might someday melt her evil heart...
 
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11-08-2009 at 12:54 AM
phoeny_moo...
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"How nice. :) See you next week!"



 
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11-08-2009 at 6:57 PM
orangeblos...
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There was a Dear Abby question a few weeks ago, with a very similar situation.  Dear Abby suggested just saying it back, but in the event that you can't, say thank you or something similar. 

 
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11-08-2009 at 10:44 PM
carlobee
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well yeah. i guess a mere "thank you" is enough for that one.

 

 
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