I don't think you're overreacting, and in fact I think your strong emotional reaction makes sense. While the decision to be parents is a huge one for both men and women, it carries a different price and toll for women. You get an extra 9 months tacked on, as well as the 'responsibility' of growing this little person inside of you.

I think it's great that you have thought so much about it and it HAS weighed heavily. I think your reaction is a lot healthier-- it's a very big deal to bring new life into the world and it's a LOT of responsibility. Kudos to you for being responsible about it.

I agree that some people take this decision WAY too lightly.  What I think is really good for you and your H is that you are still on the same page.  When two people go into a marriage thinking/deciding they will never have kids, it seems like one will change their mind and then guilt the other into doing what they want rather than communicating so that it is a mutual decision.  (this is obviously my unscientific observation of things that happen on the nest and elsewhere on the interwebz).

You can join the mean mama club with me!!

Aw.  I am so glad for you, for a few reasons. First, you and your dh waited till you were both on board with this, can afford it, can be responsible about it; this is sooo good! Second, you both know what a big honking deal it is!And a baby! It's a lot of fun.

Good luck, you'll be fine.

I think that you two discussing this prospect is a nice testament to how open and solid your relationship is. It's awesome that you two could discuss is rationally and reach a conclusion that makes you BOTH happy.

The idea of having kids is a very scary one, for sure. And of course it's scarier to you- you will be carrying that baby for 9 months and seeing your body change and feeling things that DH can't feel.

If you are serious about having kids soon, just stick around TIP some more and drink the water. There seems to be a baby epidemic around these parts. lol

This makes you even more adorable!

It's great that you two were able to come to this conclusion together.

I wish you the best in your eventual babymaking!

I know exactly how you feel. MH and I always knew we wanted kids but whenever we get close to the point of actually trying for them I am just overwhelmed with how much will change, how much responsibility it will be and how truely scared and excited I am.

We've been putting it off for a lot of things that aren't together yet. It sounds like you and DH are where you want to be and ready for a new challenge.

Good luck!

Thanks guys.  I couldn't believe I started crying.  I couldn't even get it out and I just started crying.  Now admittedly- I'm a crier. But I was shocked that I just started speaking gibberish and then just started bawling.  WTF?!  I'm messed up in the head- at least I realize that.

And believe me, I know just how lucky H and I are that we both came to this decision at the same time (and naturally- without prodding from the other person).  Going into a marriage with both people saying "we don't want kids"--- you're taking that big gamble that one person (and only one person) will change their mind.  At least we grew together, and not apart.

 

Sue_sue:

Aw.  I am so glad for you, for a few reasons. First, you and your dh waited till you were both on board with this, can afford it, can be responsible about it; this is sooo good! Second, you both know what a big honking deal it is!And a baby! It's a lot of fun.

Good luck, you'll be fine.

I completely agree with sue sue.

Now, hurry up and get pg so we can have our babies together!!

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You can join the mean mama club with me!!

Believe me... I'm going to need you around.  One of my biggest fears is becoming a child worshipper.  You'll need to keep me in check!

EatSh!tandDie:

Sue_sue:

Aw.  I am so glad for you, for a few reasons. First, you and your dh waited till you were both on board with this, can afford it, can be responsible about it; this is sooo good! Second, you both know what a big honking deal it is!And a baby! It's a lot of fun.

Good luck, you'll be fine.

I completely agree with sue sue.

Now, hurry up and get pg so we can have our babies together!!

Not going to happen!  We're thinking the next few years.  I'll be 30 in about 1.5 years.  I don't know why- but I think I'd like to start after I'm 30.

imoan:

Part of me thinks it's good that I feel the weight of the decision to have kids.  I think so many people take it WAY too lightly.  But then again, I think I'm going overboard in my reaction as well. 

You said it best yourself, right there. You're not going overboard - you're being realistic of the gravity of the decision. I personally think that the best parents are the ones who go into it feeling the way that you do.........you realize what a huge undertaking and decision this is, and you're basing your decision to have children on that fact. 

And I'm not surprised that your DH is calmer about it than you are right now.  I think that's pretty normal.  I don't think that my DH went into my pregnancy too naive, and he was pretty calm about everything the entire pregnancy.  But when DS was a day old, I think.........I was getting ready to nurse him and asked everyone to give us some privacy, so DH, DS and I were alone.  DH had been kind of weird all day, so as I was getting DS into position I asked him what the hell his problem was.........and he just started crying.  It finally hit him, he was a father now.  He knew it mentally the 9 months prior, but emotionally it hit him like a ton of bricks that day.  It just wasn't "real" yet. 

^ what they all said.

I'm glad you're able to come to a realizaton and handle it adult like :-)

You know, I have always wanted to have kids.   Very much so.   But the moment I threw out the birth control pills was very scary.    Even if you desperately want children, you want them on your own terms.   I didn't want them in college, or in law school (or any time before I was married).   But when we were ready, you still have that residual fear that you've carried for so long. 

There was one night where my stomach hurt a little bit, and I thought, "I could be pregnant" and it freaked me out!   As much as I wanted kids, there was a tiny voice in my head saying, "I'm not ready for this!!" 

But, when the time came, it was very very exciting.  

I think that fear is always there, because it is a huge change, but it's also a great thing. 

His calm might mean that he's already on the other side of the freakout, and just didn't let you know when he was freaking out.

ReturnOfKuus:

His calm might mean that he's already on the other side of the freakout, and just didn't let you know when he was freaking out.

I think you might be right.  I can't wait until I'M on the other side of the freak out.  I swear I feel like my heart has been beating a mile a minute for the past year every time I let myself think about it.

imoan:

EatSh!tandDie:

Sue_sue:

Aw.  I am so glad for you, for a few reasons. First, you and your dh waited till you were both on board with this, can afford it, can be responsible about it; this is sooo good! Second, you both know what a big honking deal it is!And a baby! It's a lot of fun.

Good luck, you'll be fine.

I completely agree with sue sue.

Now, hurry up and get pg so we can have our babies together!!

Not going to happen!  We're thinking the next few years.  I'll be 30 in about 1.5 years.  I don't know why- but I think I'd like to start after I'm 30.

ooh, maybe we'll get to be PG buddies together, haha. 

And we can defer to Queen Hindsight to lay the smackdown if talk of childworship pops up!

This is why you are one of my fave nesties and one I respect the most. :) You over analyzing and weigh all options, and really understand the pros and cons. I do this but tend to say "eff it" at the last moment and do what I want. LOL. But congrats!! 

I was in your EXACT position a year ago. Now ... well, you can see my ticker. :)

ReturnOfKuus:

His calm might mean that he's already on the other side of the freakout, and just didn't let you know when he was freaking out.

Kuus is wise on this one....

I'm on the 'other side' re: fertility issues.  I kinda already 'dealt' w/ this.  The Mr. is still mid-freakout.

Sometimes it's easier to finish the freakout and THEN tell people.  your Mr. is wise :_P

I had a similar crisis of 'omg maybe I want babies!' a year ago or so.  My H has always been on the blase side about it, and about a year ago he was like, okay, I'm getting old; it's now or never.  So, like I told you before, I realized that I didn't want it to be 'never', and there were still some things I wanted to do as just him & me before we got 'underway'.  We made plans in like January that we were going on a trip to Europe and we were going to come back & TTC.  Not that there wasn't a lot of other 'stuff' to consider (my BFF is getting married this spring and if I get KU this cycle I'll be like 7 months travelling a thousand miles or so, UGH, plus his extended family's financial difficulties, etcccc).

Like Donnie too, I'm still having pangs of 'omg wtf am I DOING?'  My first big one was in Europe when H was all, "let's not use condoms, wheeee!" and I was like, "uh no let's use them."  I'm getting super nervous because I'm almost in the 'red zone' for this month, lol.  The excitement outweighs the freakout, though.

broccolitree:

I had a similar crisis of 'omg maybe I want babies!' a year ago or so.  My H has always been on the blase side about it, and about a year ago he was like, okay, I'm getting old; it's now or never.  So, like I told you before, I realized that I didn't want it to be 'never', and there were still some things I wanted to do as just him & me before we got 'underway'.  We made plans in like January that we were going on a trip to Europe and we were going to come back & TTC.  Not that there wasn't a lot of other 'stuff' to consider (my BFF is getting married this spring and if I get KU this cycle I'll be like 7 months travelling a thousand miles or so, UGH, plus his extended family's financial difficulties, etcccc).

Like Donnie too, I'm still having pangs of 'omg wtf am I DOING?'  My first big one was in Europe when H was all, "let's not use condoms, wheeee!" and I was like, "uh no let's use them."  I'm getting super nervous because I'm almost in the 'red zone' for this month, lol.  The excitement outweighs the freakout, though.

Thanks Broc!  The worst part, as we're sitting in bed and having this discussion- H then goes "Now I want to fluck!".  The timing just made my head want to explode.  We did... but with condoms!  Haha!

I almost wish it would just happen (although the chances of everything getting through both the pill AND condoms is highly unlikely)... without having to make the conscious decision.  Ya know?

imoan:

Thanks Broc!  The worst part, as we're sitting in bed and having this discussion- H then goes "Now I want to fluck!".  The timing just made my head want to explode.  We did... but with condoms!  Haha!

Mine did this pretty frequently when we were talking about babies y/n.  He said it was because I was talking about his peen doing stuff with my vag, so it got him hot & bothered.  I was like, but talking about babies makes my vag scream a thousand screams to be heard for a century, boo.

I definitely get the 'I wish it would just happen and spare me the misery' thing.  I did find it a lot easier to deal with mentally once we laid down a plan, though... it's concrete for me now, and that's really reassuring, and it means I don't have to have a crazyass conversation with myself on a regular basis ("but YES I mean wait no but I think maaaybe yes but probably no until yes and yeah no").  We have a plan!  We've got some small savings for baby crap which we can roll into IF if we go longer than a year and a half, etc.  I started taking prenatals this month, and that made it REALLY really for real real, lol, but like I said I'm still like, ugh, do I really want to let you f*ck me without a condom on right now uggh.  If you're thinking about starting in the next year too, open enrollment for insurance in a lot of companies is now... we ended up going with a plan we might not have picked because it offers ridiiiiculous prenatal & maternity care.

Oh, and a word of advice if you're going from condoms to condomless sex for the first time in a while: stock up on washcloths and keep a small pile by the bed.  Semen is gross. :(

broccolitree:

Oh, and a word of advice if you're going from condoms to condomless sex for the first time in a while: stock up on washcloths and keep a small pile by the bed.  Semen is gross. :(

I am kinda semi lurking today and this made me LOL and almost lose my beverage....

I agree w/everyone who is saying that this "freak-out" is perfectly normal.  Plus, you're only 28!  No need to rush.  I'm terrified of having kids even though I know I'll have to get rolling soon (since I'll be 35 in a little over 2 years).  Sometimes I think about the idea in the abstract and I think, "This will be OK.  I can do this."  And then I think of the day-to-day realities of it and I'm like, "NOOOO!!!! I'm not ready! It's going to be so difficult! I love my freedom too much!"  My husband (who's almost 37) is ready.  And so chill about it!  I think it's because it's not real to him.  Plus, he's not the one who has to suffer through 9 months of misery only to be left fat and with cottage cheese for a belly and having to take care of a newborn 24/7 for many many sleepless days and nights.  And we haven't even come to the point where I've actually stopped taking birth control.  I can only imagine how I'll react then! 

I'm glad you two are on the same page (fortunately my H and I are too, both only wanting one kid), but I'd say wait.  You still have a good 5 years b4 you even need to be concerned.

I know what you mean... My H and I decided to start trying so I am off birth control, but I don't want to have sex like I used to.  I don't know what to do... I want children and so does he. (BTW he is nearly 10 years older than me so his clock is ticking)  I am 29 years old and we are good financially I just can't get past all the years of "a baby will ruin your life" talk.

Good for you. It is a big decision. Enjoy your time together now and get preggo when you are ready.