What a jerk.  How awful for your friend.

Oooh, I hate him too.  Does he live anywhere near Chicago?  I'll go punch him for you.

heyrebekah:

Oooh, I hate him too.  Does he live anywhere near Chicago?  I'll go punch him for you.

Sadly. He does not. I also feel badly for his little girl. I mean this must be soo confusing. I don't understand why people think its acceptable to act like this! 

why can people be so heartless.... my friend's ex-fi told her one night after they had both lost some weight that he could do better now and didn't want to get married. He left her at the restaurant. She had to call her stepfather who lived a hour a way to come pick her up and help her move out. At least she got to sell the e-ring and buy the car she really wanted and her ex-fi said no to with the sale of her e-ring

hoping4septimus:

why can people be so heartless.... my friend's ex-fi told her one night after they had both lost some weight that he could do better now and didn't want to get married. He left her at the restaurant. She had to call her stepfather who lived a hour a way to come pick her up and help her move out. At least she got to sell the e-ring and buy the car she really wanted and her ex-fi said no to with the sale of her e-ring

Oh my goodness! That is horrible. I really don't understand it. I mean I get it. You can fall out of love or maybe you were never in love...but when you end it you don't have to be cruel about it!

I have trouble believing there is not more to this story.

volenti:

I have trouble believing there is not more to this story.

More to my story? Hmm...well I know what I know.  They never really had what I would call my idea of a happy marriage (she was kind of a doormat)...but him asking for divorce did come out of nowhere to her anyway (and he was having the affair). He told her that he hadn't loved her since the baby was born.

Who knows. They went to counseling and he only lasted 2 sessions. . . just told the therapist all these things about not loving her and how she had to know.

DH was close friends with him (he was in our wedding) and he called him after he asked for the divorce. Told DH that it was a completely mutual decision that they came too. I know this i a lie since my bff is the one that picked her up from the parking lot sobbing in the middle of the night. 

I suppose what I mean is, I have trouble believing that they weren't having loads of problems before he finally came to the individual decision that the marriage was over (from his perspective), so I'm not sure I would characterize it as a bolt from the blue (although anytime one party's ready to get out and the other party is still clinging to the idea that it can be saved, it's horrible).  And him pulling over and dumping her out of the car?  I can't believe she didn't have some part in that.  Being hysterical at him?  Unable to stop yelling?  Demanding that he stop and talk about this some more?  If he truly said, "guess what, hon, I want a divorce.  Oh and I don't want to bother dropping you at home before I hit the strip club, so out you go, here in this dark parking lot.  Nope, no discussion, it's here or I dump your body in a lake somewhere," then maybe I'm wrong.  But that sounds incredibly unlikely.

volenti:

I suppose what I mean is, I have trouble believing that they weren't having loads of problems before he finally came to the individual decision that the marriage was over (from his perspective), so I'm not sure I would characterize it as a bolt from the blue (although anytime one party's ready to get out and the other party is still clinging to the idea that it can be saved, it's horrible).  And him pulling over and dumping her out of the car?  I can't believe she didn't have some part in that.  Being hysterical at him?  Unable to stop yelling?  Demanding that he stop and talk about this some more?  If he truly said, "guess what, hon, I want a divorce.  Oh and I don't want to bother dropping you at home before I hit the strip club, so out you go, here in this dark parking lot.  Nope, no discussion, it's here or I dump your body in a lake somewhere," then maybe I'm wrong.  But that sounds incredibly unlikely.

Oh yes I see what you mean. I think they were having problems in that she was a complete doormat. I am not sure if they fought a lot but I think that is because she just did whatever he wants. 

I don't really know 100% about what happened in the car and likely never will. He doesn't even say that the car incident happened. It is just odd. Although, part of me doesn't doubt that it could just because he has never been a very "good" person. Even that way he handled it after they broke up. He moved in with this lady maybe 2-3 weeks after the car incident and then let his daughter spend the night and introduced this new girl as his new gf. Talk about confusing. 

I don't know...I agree there is a probably a lot more to the story though....still who gets engaged while they are still married and not moving towards divorce at all? 

I have a friend, that after almost 7 years of marriage, told his wife he wanted a divorce. He said he wasn't in love w/ her anymore. Which is true, I'm sure, but he failed to mention that he was having an affair. The other woman is married to one of his friends.

So, this week when he (my friend) filed the paper work for the divorce, the other woman told him she wanted to end things and was going to work on things with her husband. Yea, didn't see that coming from a million miles away.

Now he's heartbroken, and I just want to shake him and say "Dude!! Seriously, what did you expect?!?" but I haven't said a word to him about the whole thing. None of my business.

karinothing:

I don't know...I agree there is a probably a lot more to the story though....still who gets engaged while they are still married and not moving towards divorce at all? 

I totally agree that this is very strange.  Even if he had hoped that his wife would be more on the ball in terms of participating in or moving the dissolution forward, when he saw she wasn't, I would think the average person would just shoulder that obligation to get it done and, especially with a kid in the mix, wouldn't disrespect the other parent enough to get engaged while still married.  I'm not meaning to defend this guy. 

volenti:

karinothing:

I don't know...I agree there is a probably a lot more to the story though....still who gets engaged while they are still married and not moving towards divorce at all? 

I totally agree that this is very strange.  Even if he had hoped that his wife would be more on the ball in terms of participating in or moving the dissolution forward, when he saw she wasn't, I would think the average person would just shoulder that obligation to get it done and, especially with a kid in the mix, wouldn't disrespect the other parent enough to get engaged while still married.  I'm not meaning to defend this guy. 

Oh, I know you aren't defending him. I bet he hasn't even told this other lady that he is still married. It is weird. The new lady looks exactly like his wife EXCEPT blond and 10 years older. She has kids that are only 10 years younger than him. So strange. 

In college I briefly dated a guy who I later found out was still married.  They were separated, but nothing was finalized and I'm not even sure now whether they had filed.  He was cute, but it was too creepy for me.  I fundamentally don't get the whole stealth separation thing.  How does the revelation that you in fact have been married during some portion of your relationship with the new person not kill the trust immediately upon impact?

Is it possible they're not moving toward dissolution for financial reasons?

volenti:

In college I briefly dated a guy who I later found out was still married.  They were separated, but nothing was finalized and I'm not even sure now whether they had filed.  He was cute, but it was too creepy for me.  I fundamentally don't get the whole stealth separation thing.  How does the revelation that you in fact have been married during some portion of your relationship with the new person not kill the trust immediately upon impact?

Exactly. 

 dehko - I don't think that is it. They actually already handled all the financial stuff that comes with a divorce (she bought him out re: the house). It is just a strange strange situation.

What a douchebag.