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01-27-2011 at 4:20 PM
BookMaven
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Real Marriage Advice

Take it or leave it. This has nothing to do with anyone specific, or about the Nest in particular. I just want to say a few things, in case there is some one about to get married and wonders what Happily Ever After looks like. Add your own pearls of wisdom if you want.

* It will never get any easier than this. It may get better, but it won't be easier. Having a piece of paper, a couple rings and an announcement in the Times only means you have to be jointly responsible for the home, the bills, the children, the health, the bank accounts, and fully responsible for your participation in all of the above. 

* The time of engagement is not really about dresses, flowers, and venues. It's a test. It's a test of your relationship and the way you two fall into a couple, how you deal with stress, family, drama, and build a life. Think of the engagement as a dress rehearsal.

* Expect the unexpected. Because when the unexpected happens, and it will, know how you work together, know your strengths and your weaknesses.

* You will be the one who has to be the shoulder.

* You will be the one who needs the shoulder to cry on.  

* There will be times when you do more than your share, and no one cares.

* There will be times when you don't pull your own weight, and you won't care.

* There will be a moment when your kid doesn't get in, loses the game, or comes home with a broken heart, and you feel physical pain because of it.

* There will be a time when nothing he does soothes you, and there will be a time when he is the only thing that soothes you.  

* Take a trip alone. Before a big birthday or something, but just once in your marriage take a trip by yourself. And don't get pissy if he wants to do the same.

* Think about your vows before you say them. For better or for worse. It's not the better part that busts up the marriages. 

*Remember: Men marry women thinking they'll never change and women marry men hoping they will.

  

 

 

 


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01-27-2011 at 4:24 PM
OosumSauce
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I agree with all the above


Time to put on your big girl panties

I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
 
01-27-2011 at 4:24 PM
fussbucket
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* Avoid turning to platitudes for guidance in complex matters.
 
01-27-2011 at 4:26 PM
CrabbyGrab...
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Well said!
 
01-27-2011 at 4:30 PM
Moviegirl0...
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BookMaven:

* The time of engagement is not really about dresses, flowers, and venues. It's a test. It's a test of your relationship and the way you two fall into a couple, how you deal with stress, family, drama, and build a life. Think of the engagement as a dress rehearsal.

Thanks, I needed that one today.  :/

 
01-27-2011 at 4:44 PM
linzica
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* Expectations can kill. Especially if you expect the other person to already know yours.

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01-27-2011 at 4:45 PM
imoan
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This is all so very true.


Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes 
01-27-2011 at 4:54 PM
kcpokergal
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This is all well and nice, but I don't think it even hints at the tragedy that people will experience in a marriage or their lives generally. And none of this was the reason why my specific marriage failed.

But least it doesn't mention the complete asinine advice to not go to bed angry.

 
01-27-2011 at 5:18 PM
kmmoon25
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Awesome advice! I look forward to the rest of my life with my DH and my future kids!

Life's too short... :-) 
01-27-2011 at 5:25 PM
LovelyMiss...
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- You will both fvuck up, sometimes epicly, multiple times.


Are you serious??? 
01-27-2011 at 5:44 PM
OosumSauce
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Here's one

Children do put a strain on your marriage so remember you are more then just a parent so make time for yourself and for your spouse



Time to put on your big girl panties

I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
 
01-27-2011 at 5:48 PM
OosumSauce
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kcpokergal:
This is all well and nice, but I don't think it even hints at the tragedy that people will experience in a marriage or their lives generally. And none of this was the reason why my specific marriage failed.

But least it doesn't mention the complete asinine advice to not go to bed angry.

I would take this as a general outline. There is no way to cover everything that can happen in a marriage. If you want to share and get advice about the specific craptastic situstion that lead to your marriage fail you are welcome to post. I do thing starting a new post would be a good idea.



Time to put on your big girl panties

I've got your rainbows and ponies right here
 
01-27-2011 at 6:02 PM
hindsight'...
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fussbucket:
* Avoid turning to platitudes for guidance in complex matters.

I think maybe it's time for us to consider TTCing, fuss.




Click me, click me!
01-27-2011 at 6:06 PM
fussbucket
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hindsight's_a_biotch:

fussbucket:
* Avoid turning to platitudes for guidance in complex matters.

I think maybe it's time for us to consider TTCing, fuss.

NP but you gotta do the heavy lifting, my ute's still broke.

 
01-27-2011 at 9:56 PM
BookMaven
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OosumSauce:

Here's one

Children do put a strain on your marriage so remember you are more then just a parent so make time for yourself and for your spouse

So. Very. True.  


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01-28-2011 at 3:14 AM
ukyankee
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* Communication is key.  If you can't talk to your fiance about everything before the wedding, then don't get married.

* On that note, people can't mind read.  If you are unhappy about something, bring it up.  Don't accuse if you can help it, use "I statements" (I feel hurt when...,instead of, You're being such a jerk when...).

* Encourage nights out with and without each other.  Still do date nights, even if they are in the house in your pajamas.

* You are now each other's most important family members.  If you can't hold that relationship sacred, and are more worried about things effecting your parents/siblings than your husband, you ought not be married.


 
01-28-2011 at 7:24 AM
Anna Nicol...
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BookMaven:
OosumSauce:

Here's one

Children do put a strain on your marriage so remember you are more then just a parent so make time for yourself and for your spouse

So. Very. True.  

I'll second that quote and add this:

You will change over the the years, and so will your spouse. 20 years from now, he will not be the same person that you married. The test is: do you grow together, or do you grow apart?

eta: HA! This is Lucky, I had to sign in and it came up with my Halloween AE


 
01-28-2011 at 10:19 AM
fussbucket
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Anna Nicole S:

You will change over the the years, and so will your spouse. 20 years from now, he will not be the same person that you married. The test is: do you grow together, or do you grow apart?

eta: HA! This is Lucky, I had to sign in and it came up with my Halloween AE

LOL! I was thinking, "Twenty years from now your spouse will be 105 years old, except he's dead!"

I think they were growing together while he was still alive, though, not growing apart.

 
01-28-2011 at 10:48 AM
sillygoose...
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We did find that fully committing to each other made our relationship easier.  For some reason, that surprised me, but I don't really know why.  It helps to know where you are going in so many other things, why not in a relationship too? 

 
01-28-2011 at 12:25 PM
wink568
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*A marriage should never be too much work.  There's a big difference between a marriage that has issues that can be worked through and a "lemon."

First Blog! Critique Welcome!
Buying A Home 
01-28-2011 at 9:27 PM
geekette20...
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Marriage isn't about being entertained. It isn't about going to parties, restaurants, couples' trips, or fancy vacations. It isn't about being seen. It is nothing like dating.

If you can't be happy and content with your partner while spending most of your evenings at home alone together being totally boring and mundane, you should rethink it.

 I've seen way to many people, IRL and on here, say they were suddenly bored after six months of marriage because they never do anything anymore.

 
01-30-2011 at 9:27 AM
Prulove
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Lurker jumping in to add my 2 cents-(learned the hard way)

Be sure to know everything about your potential spouses financial status. Run a credit check if you have to. Dont let your potential spouse bring any financial issues into the marriage that will affect YOU in a negative way.And make sure that your finances are healthy as well. Nothing can turn a marriage sour faster than money issues.

In my experience,some couples spend more time discussing the color of the wedding flowers than they spend discussing their financial future.

 
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