I've lurked here for a long time, so I feel like I know you gals already. I hope you can help. I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but I have a feeling that will be unlikely.
My husband hates his job. It's a stepping-stone job; not exactly what he wants to be doing, but essentially a necessary step to moving up the ladder to the type of job he wants to get (he works in academia). Since starting a few months ago, he has been nothing but negative about every aspect of it, from the duties themselves, to the schedule, to the time of day, even the school's mascot. I mean, seriously. With this attitude, to no surprise he has become very depressed about his job and has been desperate to leave.
Essentially, in order to follow an efficient career plan, he should stay at this job for AT LEAST two years. Within the past several weeks, he has waxed and waned from being committed to sticking it out for his/our future, leaving as soon as this year is over, and quitting immediately (as in, today, no notice, students without a professor for the remainder of the semester). The cycle keeps continuing, and it is so exhausting for me.
I try to be very sensitive and supportive to him; however, I feel the degree to which he has let his job affect him is unreasonable and unhealthy, especially considering that there is nothing "bad" about the job, he is just teaching courses he doesn't particularly care for. Millions of people hate their jobs, and although it may not be a healthy situation, they are able to tolerate it enough to do what they need to do to feed their families, keep their insurance, etc. As of right now, we are in a "quit after this year" phase. He is literally planning to leave whether or not he has another job lined up, which I think is incredibly irresponsible and selfish. Also, due to his field, his new job would almost certainly be in another state, and I absolutely cannot leave because I am in my second year of medical school. It would also be very difficult to re-enter the field if he were unemployed for a year. Basically, he is willing to leave, live away from me, and possibly be unemployed (immediately and potentially long-term within his field).
On top of the obvious reasons I don't want him to leave, we have also been in this situation before. He attended 4 universities for his bachelor's because he "didn't like them" and therefore took 6 years to finish. He has gotten depressed in past jobs as well, and has been desperate to leave virtually every stressful situation he has ever encountered. When he is not in an overwhelmed state, he is an incredible worker and positive husband, but I just want to point out that these are recurring issues he keeps encountering. Therefore, I feel that leaving the job is not the solution, since I don't believe the job is truly the problem.
Because his logic is absent/unreasonable about this and his depressive/angry moods, I urged him to see a therapist. He complied, and actually really likes her (yay). However, as of last week, she told him that he is thinking completely rationally about his situation, and if he wants to leave, he should quit his job. Seriously, what therapist tells a 35-year-old married man that it's a good idea to leave his wife and risk unemployment?!?!?
In her defense, she has given him some "homework" to do to change his thinking and try to increase his happiness, but he is not doing it. If I gently remind him to do it, he just says, "I'll do it later". Now, I'm not only upset that his is contemplating ruing his career and potentially our relationship through a long-distance situation, but he is not doing anything to change anything.
Okay, this is terribly long, and it's not even scratching the surface. If you've made it this far, thank you. I am just sad, a lot. I am an incredibly positive, happy person, and I just feel weary and worn down emotionally. I am also at a loss of what I should do about his resistance to doing his therapy assignments and work on getting better. Again, in his mind, the issue is 100% with the job, so he doesn't feel he really needs to change.
Thanks for any help you can give. I just needed to vent.