I love my nieces, nephews and little cousins (some of my friend's kids are great too while others aren't) but I don't really want them.Hubby and I are financially stable, healthy and are in the process of buying a home in San Francisco but we aren't looking to fill that home with the sounds of children. In fact my best friend sent me a card from someecards that said, "You know what's sweeter than the sound of a child's laughter? The sound of silence from not having any *** kids!" That really stuck a chord last night, yesterday was pretty much the day from hell and if I had to deal with a child on top it I would have lost it.
The biggest reason for not wanting children is because I've been pregnant and had a miscarriage in my 3rd trimester. Technically since the baby would have been viable I had a still-birth. I'm petrified of that happening again.It took a very long time and a lot of therapy to get over that loss. My boyfriend at the time was wonderful and we could have had a great life together but it's for the best that we didn't end up together. I would have resented him and our child. In the end I'm glad that it happened because I was only 21 just beginning my life. I probably wouldn't have completed my Master's and I probably wouldn't have married my husband James. Having that miscarriage really opened my eyes and showed me there was so much more I wanted to do with my life.
Having a 2nd chance at life without children leads me to the 2nd biggest reason I don't want kids is because at 28 I'm too selfish for them. I have my dream job, I work both in San Francisco & New York City and travel abroad multiple times a year. I spend 2 weeks of each month on each coast. I absolutely love my job and I don't think being pregnant/having a baby and jet setting go hand in hand. I couldn't imagine not being able to fly to a partner meeting in Singapore or London because I'm in my 3rd trimester and grounded! I know that I can always be replaced but with that same token I wouldn't want to be replaced. A job is job and they will always come and go but right now I love it I wouldn't want to be tied down. I mean even if I were to keep traveling between CA and NY I would have to have an OB is both cities (an insurance company's nightmare) and eventually stop going to NYC and make CA my home base.And hopefully when I'm done being pregnant I'll have the opportunity to continue doing what I love. But then I'd have to get a nanny and be away from my baby.
I also love the fact that when I'm in CA I get all of hubby's attention. I already only get him 50% of the time I wouldn't want to share him with someone else.
And another reason I'm selfish, I have a slight Gucci obsession and I enjoy the finer things in life...I don't want to give any of that up and more importantly I don't want little hands to ruin any of my nicer stuff. (When we have children come over we basically hide all the breakables and put slip covers on the white sofa)
I know that not everyone has my lifestyle but everyone has a reason that they value to be selfish. Being a parent means not being selfish and giving everything for your child. I would not want to be a parent who couldn't devote their time, love, and affection into their kids. I don't see the point in having children if you aren't going to be their parents and have other people raise them for you. I would rather not have children and be judged for that choice versus having the obligatory 2 kids and rely on a nanny only to be judged for not raising my kid. I'm not 100% opposed to having a nanny to supplement during the day but to have a live in full time nanny to replace me would not be something I'm interested in.
Maybe I'll change my mind in the future about having kids. And maybe I'll accidentally get pregnant and everything I've just said would be pointless. Honestly regardless of if/when I were to get pregnant and carry a baby to tern I wouldn't be worried it having physical or neurological issues because at the end of the day it wouldn't matter. As a parent you don't get to pick and chose what your children will look like, act like, or do in the future, all you can do is love them unconditionally and hope you raise them to be productive citizens. Even if I were to cure cancer my legacy wouldn't be my cure, it would be the child I leave behind.