He is definitely a momma's boy. He is the youngest one and he has one older sister. He grew up very fortunate. His parents paid for his college. He never really had to learn to take care of anything. He doesn't know how to save money, and let alone call a car dealership. I had to remind him again this morning, which he was mad about. Instead of thanking me because I saved his busy work schedule and the recall part doesn't come in until January! I am the complete opposite of the spectrum. I had my first car I owned paid off in two years, by the age of 22 I bought my first home.
so why in heck did you marry somebody so inept?
A momma's boy and a lazy middleschooler are 2 different things. He's a lazy middleschooler -- a mama's boy is much much different. That is a whole other story in itself.
You and he will have to meet on the same page with everything --- how, I do not know --- this is also woeful immaturity on his part.
No amount of counseling will get this guy to grow up and be a man and a husband. You will have to do evertything you can to meet on the same page.
You'll have to come to terms with equal everything: housecleaning, chores, finances, you name it --- how you will accomplish this is a miracle.
You and he are already incompatible: you are independent, he's still in bloody middle school.
I can't figure out why you married a guy who is a boy and not a man. I don't see this marriage coming to a good end. You're on the same page? not on anything -- finance in particular -- and that's one of the essentials of a good marriage.
Unless this guy grows up in a hurry, I forsee you struggling with every issue alone -- and I foresee you and he arguing over everything.
That he can't handle money is unacceptable.. Money, sex and religion are the 3 biggies when it comes to what couples fight over the most. I don't see any hope for him here just for this alone. He will never learn to handle money on his own. You're his mother and not his partner and equal.
And I am wondering if this is just immaturity or some sort of behavioral/emotional/mental issue in addition to the immaturity -- is it possible he's got some sort of a learning disability or on the autism spectrum somewhere? Laziness is one thing but the problems I mentioned are a whole other issue.
I would also suggest that he be tested for learning disabilities and other problems. Yikes....I am a horrific procrastinator myself but wow, certainly NOT to this degree that your H is. I suspect he's got other problems in addition to his laziness and immaturity.
In short: You're going to somehow have to get him to grow up and be a man. As I said, this will take a miracle to accomplish.
Living together? isn't that supposed to be the acid test for you to see whether or not you can permanently and "legally" live with somebody on a 24/7 basis? As you said, you ignored his problems while you were living together. Instead, you married this guy --- what you should have done: run like hell when you saw what he was like.
I am wondering if you consider yourself a "fixer" of sorts -- and that's why you were willing to settle for somebody like your H --- you somehow thought you could fix it all. As you can see, that's not going to happen.