Your FI sounds like an immature, controlling douchebag. You're seeing his true colors; is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
Yeah, this. I think you're seeing a side of your FI that he's kept well hidden. At a MINIMUM, stop the wedding plans and insist on counseling.
Quite honestly, I think it takes a really special person to get involved w/ someone who has a child AND the ex is still in the picture. Dealing w/ the fact that the other parent is still around is sometimes the biggest problem and, again, it takes a special person to be able to handle that entire package.
So - you and your FI need to work on this and work thorugh it. IF that's even possible. Based on his very immature response, I don't know if it is. I really wonder if he'd even be open to going to counseling.
But as a mother - you need to put your DD first and that means backing off on the wedding plans and determine if this is an issue you all can work through.
Your Ex will most likely never, ever be out of the picture, and this is something your FI needs to understand and get a grip on.