The Nest – Buying a Home, Money Advice, Decorating Ideas, Easy Recipes

Message Boards | Recipes | Nestie Blogs
Decor Ideas | Tools | Buying Guides

community

all boards

my blog

my photos

my boards


200+ Easy Weeknight Meals!

Green living: Eco-friendly tips & tricks!

< Previous topic | Next topic >

All Boards > Trouble in Paradise

Sort:
12-11-2012 at 8:51 PM
natcat11
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-01-2012
32 Posts
810 Points
natcat11 is not online. Last active: 02-24-2013, 11:06 PMNewbie

The Case of the Missing Condom

Hypothetical question:

Let's say that you KNEW how many condoms were in your house.  (I put that in all caps to emphasize that there is no doubt in your mind how many condoms you have.)  And then one day when you go to get something from your nightstand they are in, you notice the papers/documents covering them have been a bit ruffled/shuffled.  So you look at them for a second (since they've never been in the box to begin with), wonder if the type of condom that is on top has always been on top and then decide to count them.  There is one missing.  You recount a few more times.  You pull the papers out of the drawer and look around.  Still no condom to be found.

The only person you live with is your fiance.  You don't use condoms because you're six months pregnant.  You work day shift, he works third shift.

What is your thought process? 

Please - do not question why you know how many condoms you have - you just do, ok?
BabyFetus Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-11-2012 at 11:27 PM
linzica
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-27-2007
8,563 Posts
63,702 Points
linzica is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 6:09 PMGold

I don't have any good advice for you. I would be more than a little concerned if i found myself in this situation.

Good luck.

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 7:19 AM
littlemiss...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-22-2012
427 Posts
9,378 Points
littlemisswitness is not online. Last active: 01-04-2013, 1:13 PMNewbie

YIKES. That is tough. Honestly, I would confront my fiance. If he lies about it, you know the truth. Keep an eye on the condoms and take note if anymore go missing. Is it possible that he would move one? I know it seems silly, but DH has sometimes moved some from my nightstand to his, for "easy access." Then again, you said you're pregnant, so condoms aren't really necessary... Does your fiance feel weird about having unprotected sex with a baby already on the way?
http://www.thenest.com/profiles/littlemisswitness/settings/avatar/index# 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 9:39 AM
sapphirebl...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-19-2005
Rhode Island
1,403 Posts
1,226 Points
sapphireblue is online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 10:29 PMBronze

I would be very suspicious. I might watch the drawer for a while and see if any more go missing. Did you check the floor, behind the drawer, etc. in case one condom fell out?

Confronting is good but I tend to want to lie low and gather more information before confronting because once you do, if he is cheating, he knows and he'll just cover his tracks a bit better. 

Would he have had a friend over at any point who might have asked him for one? 

 
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 10:31 AM
linzica
Not Ranked
Joined on 06-27-2007
8,563 Posts
63,702 Points
linzica is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 6:09 PMGold
sapphireblue:

I would be very suspicious. I might watch the drawer for a while and see if any more go missing. Did you check the floor, behind the drawer, etc. in case one condom fell out?

Confronting is good but I tend to want to lie low and gather more information before confronting because once you do, if he is cheating, he knows and he'll just cover his tracks a bit better. 

Would he have had a friend over at any point who might have asked him for one? 

 

I would agree with this. Lay low, keep an eye out. Do some sleuthing. 

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 11:33 AM
gymbugmj2k
Not Ranked
Joined on 05-14-2009
216 Posts
3,850 Points
gymbugmj2k is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 12:06 PMNewbie

its like living with the CIA.

 

but in all seriousness. keep count. and perhaps casually monitor his whereabouts (don't go overboard or demanding or it gets obvious).  like others said - maybe a friend asked for/stole one/he gave it to them as a joke?

it's definitely cause for hesitation. if its not out of the norm for you (and if its a drawer he doesnt usually use), maybe you can ask him why the papers/documents were all shuffled in that drawer and see if he sweats it out.


~*~ Charmed By Wine Homepage! ~*~


~*~ Charmed By Wine Etsy Shop! ~*~


Follow Me on Pinterest

 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 2:21 PM
jesslca113
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-03-2011
13 Posts
126 Points
jesslca113 is not online. Last active: 12-18-2012, 8:49 AMNewbie
Oh boy... I agree with the PPs.  Just monitor for a while, but please do what is best for you and your baby!!  Sneaky missing condoms is never good.
Wedding Countdown Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 2:33 PM
erollis
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-08-2009
1,370 Posts
16,463 Points
erollis is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 10:12 PMBronze
linzica:
sapphireblue:

I would be very suspicious. I might watch the drawer for a while and see if any more go missing. Did you check the floor, behind the drawer, etc. in case one condom fell out?

Confronting is good but I tend to want to lie low and gather more information before confronting because once you do, if he is cheating, he knows and he'll just cover his tracks a bit better. 

Would he have had a friend over at any point who might have asked him for one? 

 

I would agree with this. Lay low, keep an eye out. Do some sleuthing. 

I third this. 
Anniversary

Daisypath Anniversary tickers



Planning Bio 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 3:10 PM
Ready4life
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-12-2007
775 Posts
872 Points
Ready4life is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 8:16 PMBronze
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may have tried to masterbate  with one on.  I've never known anyone to do it, but read some guys really like it. I would definitely ask him what happened to it.  
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 3:36 PM
tiffanysbr...
Not Ranked
Joined on 11-08-2004
New England
3,545 Posts
4,219 Points
tiffanysbride is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 5:34 PMSilver
I am going to assume you counted them for a reason, if so trust your gut. If not, then I would probably pay attention going forward. Phone calls at weird times, bank charges, etc. Is it possible you threw it out? I have grabbed a foil wrapper with an unused one and almost tossed it in the trash. 


Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 4:27 PM
vpine
Not Ranked
Joined on 02-11-2011
1,965 Posts
11,916 Points
vpine is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 10:44 PMBronze

This happened with my ex-bf, he had condoms in his bathroom cabinet and I didn't trust him already because I didn't live with him and didn't know if he went out or not late at night or had visitors after I went home for the night. Well I noticed one was missing, confronted him, he claimed not to know what happened to it, I was mad and more suspicious after that but stayed together because I had no 'proof' he was cheating. It drove me insane, 2 months later I find out he was cheating. Guess that sums up my thoughts on this. If you KNOW exactly how many there were and one is missing, most likely it was used. Men don't use them for self-pleasure, that honestly sounds absurd. Good luck.

 
TTC Jan 2011, me: 30, DH 33. Unexplained IF. 2 IUI (Aug 2012, Feb 2013) with Bravelle injects = BFN.  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 4:40 PM
NurseRobin...
Not Ranked
Joined on 04-07-2011
464 Posts
7,207 Points
NurseRobinson is not online. Last active: 05-07-2013, 4:56 PMNewbie

The fact that you *know* exactly how many condoms where in the drawer makes me believe that you may have had suspicions. I agree with pps and lay low, gather information and then confront him. 

I'm so sorry you are going through this engaged and pregnant. Good luck. 
Daisypath Anniversary tickers
TTC#1  
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-12-2012 at 9:36 PM
TarponMono...
Top 500 Contributor
Joined on 01-14-2006
15,065 Posts
23,535 Points
TarponMonoxide is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 7:52 PMPlatinum
Hard to tell. Keep vigilant; see if he's got any weird comings and goings or any odd charges on the credit card he uses.
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-13-2012 at 10:26 PM
van01
Not Ranked
Joined on 01-12-2010
51 Posts
66 Points
van01 is not online. Last active: 01-06-2013, 9:30 PMNewbie
Why don't you try something really crazy and just ask him?  Not accuse, just ask - like "hey I was in the drawer and noticed some of the condoms were missing, did you move them?"
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-14-2012 at 10:37 AM
jhaley3077
Not Ranked
Joined on 03-18-2011
37 Posts
618 Points
jhaley3077 is not online. Last active: 05-22-2013, 5:43 AMNewbie

Ready4life:
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, he may have tried to masturbate  with one on.  I've never known anyone to do it, but read some guys really like it. I would definitely ask him what happened to it.  

 

My DH use to do this before we was married. Said it made clean up easier. Just ask him don't accuse him. But be careful you might not like the answer you get. GL
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-14-2012 at 11:38 AM
mandi195
Not Ranked
Joined on 07-03-2012
228 Posts
5,079 Points
mandi195 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 10:15 AMNewbie

I agree with asking him flat out. I've never known of any man to use them "alone" but apparently there are some who do.

That said, trust your gut. I literally had the EXACT same situation happen with my now exhusband. Every situation and every person is different, so I'm not saying that he is doing anything wrong for certain, but intuition speaks volumes. 

Good luck, lady!

Praying for a miracle! 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-15-2012 at 3:38 PM
lookame363...
Not Ranked
Joined on 08-02-2009
Ohio
449 Posts
4,180 Points
lookame3639 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 8:49 PMNewbie
I dated someone who liked to materbate with condoms on. He said they made cleanup easier...then again he may have just told me that...
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-20-2012 at 2:07 PM
Mrs.JLC
Not Ranked
Joined on 12-31-2004
Waukesha, WI
1,266 Posts
186 Points
Mrs.JLC is not online. Last active: 05-02-2013, 8:18 PMBronze
Do you have any animals?  I only ask because I had a cat that loved the shiny foil wrappers. First we had to keep them locked up (he could wiggle the drawers on the nightstand open) and then we finally just changed brands so that they didn't have a shiny foil wrapper. I would find condoms tucked under our sofa, under our bed, basically tucked just about every where. They were unopened with little teeth marks in them.  
 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
12-20-2012 at 10:56 PM
spainy17
Not Ranked
Joined on 09-30-2008
523 Posts
7,977 Points
spainy17 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 4:20 PMBronze
I agree that you should wait and up the watchfulness.  Yeah, some guys might self pleasure with a condom on, but a guy is certainly not going to just take up the habit of doing that overnight.  I would just really be cautious and watch his actions.  Are you able to check his phone when he sleeps or monitor calls?  How about bank charges?  It sounds stupid but there are just way too many ways to brush off a missing condom and you will still have that nagging question in your mind, no proof or anything (or nothing) and a suspicious fiance.  There is no hurt in checking up on him, honest people have nothing to hide.
BabyFruit Ticker 
Report Abuse
Reply
Quote
hot topics

"When did you start feeling married?"
MindyMWM2012 on Married Life

"Do you have joint or separate bank accounts?"
JustinandHaley on Money Matters

"Severe problems with the in-laws. Help!"
epco33 on Relationships

search boards

choose another board