A few thoughts.

I think when you go into a marriage w/ kids - it changes the dynamics.  Yes, it's about the two of you, but it's also about bringing 2 families together.  It's much bigger than just the two of you now.  I don't think you can really expect the same kind of ambiance/series of events as you did when you (I assume) got married before having kids.

So, I can't say that he's entirely off base w/ wanting to keep his kids there.

Would he compromise, perhaps, with the two of you going off to a hotel for just that one night?  I do understand why you do want at least that night alone - away from everyone.   But if it's not about sending his kids off but you all going off for awhile - would he be open to that?

EastCoastBride:

A few thoughts.

I think when you go into a marriage w/ kids - it changes the dynamics.  Yes, it's about the two of you, but it's also about bringing 2 families together.  It's much bigger than just the two of you now.  I don't think you can really expect the same kind of ambiance/series of events as you did when you (I assume) got married before having kids.

So, I can't say that he's entirely off base w/ wanting to keep his kids there.

Would he compromise, perhaps, with the two of you going off to a hotel for just that one night?  I do understand why you do want at least that night alone - away from everyone.   But if it's not about sending his kids off but you all going off for awhile - would he be open to that?

 

No, he would think that's totally ridiculous.  He rented a huge beach house, and I just know he would say that there's no point in going somewhere else. 

I can relate to this.  I got remarried in September and my husband has 2 boys (9 and 15) from a previous marriage and I have a 3 year old from a previous marriage.  The kids of course were involved with the wedding and we made the wedding more of a celebration of the 2 families coming together.  We did not have alone time after the wedding either...our wedding night was just at our house and my 3 year old stayed with us along with my husband's brother who was from out of town. At first I was a little bummed that we wouldn't have the night alone but quickly got over it and enjoyed the time with my new family.  We later took a little mini-moon (3 days) and spent a little time together alone then.  LIke other poster suggested, maybe try to do a little evening out while you are at the beach and have someone babysit the kids...go to dinner or something.  You say you are going on a honeymoon so just wait until then to spend more time with him and just enjoy your family time at the beach. 

EastCoastBride:

I think when you go into a marriage w/ kids - it changes the dynamics.  Yes, it's about the two of you, but it's also about bringing 2 families together.  It's much bigger than just the two of you now. 

This.

And since his children are older than yours, he obviously understands how important it is to include them in on all of this.......after all, they are getting a new family, no matter how much they like you and your kids this is going to be an adjustment for them.  They understand more the idea that their father just married a woman who is not their mother, and even if they've been expecting it for awhile it might still be a little tough for them.

So he is doing what a good parent would do.  He's not sending them off immediately after the reception.  Sorry that it's not matching up with what you wanted, but it's the reality of marrying someone with children old enough to comprehend it.  It sounds like you're going on a honeymoon anyway, so let this go. 

So... the week at the beach house is not your honeymoon, correct? And you will be having a honeymoon after that? If that's the case, I'm not seeing the problem.

I'd have to agree with the rest of the ladies on this one. of course you wanna spend the night alone with your hubby but reality should set in at some point before your nuptials. Although you will be his wife and number one priority he had children before you so you definately have to be undrestanding. You have the rest of your life with your H, but he knows that his kids will soon grow up and have there own family why should he ruin his bond with his children? And your going on a honeymoon afterwards I think your being a bit bridezilla lol

artbyallie:

So... the week at the beach house is not your honeymoon, correct? And you will be having a honeymoon after that? If that's the case, I'm not seeing the problem.

Won't the honeymoon be your "alone time"?

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, and it may be that I don't have kids, but I think it's ridiculous to expect them to stay!  Yes, your lives are going to include children, but this is one time when I would expect them to go somewhere else.  That would be like having your live-in mother in law stay in your house on your wedding night.  That's weird.

I also think it's a matter of preference.  If you feel like it's important to have that alone time, then you should stick to your guns.  Honestly, the children would understand at that age, and they need to know that you are part of their father's life too - and that you will occasionally require alone time.  Plus, you've already had a family vacation.  This seems like something you should approach your FI about and tell him how important it is to you.  Compromise might be just the thing here. 

EmilyK1116:

Maybe I'm the only one who feels this way, and it may be that I don't have kids, but I think it's ridiculous to expect them to stay!  Yes, your lives are going to include children, but this is one time when I would expect them to go somewhere else.  That would be like having your live-in mother in law stay in your house on your wedding night.  That's weird.

I also think it's a matter of preference.  If you feel like it's important to have that alone time, then you should stick to your guns.  Honestly, the children would understand at that age, and they need to know that you are part of their father's life too - and that you will occasionally require alone time.  Plus, you've already had a family vacation.  This seems like something you should approach your FI about and tell him how important it is to you.  Compromise might be just the thing here. 

You have to remember that this could be awkward for the kids seeing their parent marrying someone else who is not their mother/father....that whole day could be emotional for them.  Then booting them off that night may not be the best thing to do.  She is having a honeymoon so I don't see the issue.  Put your selfish reasons aside and wait for the honeymoon to spend your "alone time".   

I think you need to adjust your thinking. Get your kids there for the week and consider this week at the beach house as a honeymoon for your new family, a week for all of you to spend time together and get to know each other.

I think i gathered that you are taking a honeymoon with your H at some point in the future? So that will be your special time alone, probably the last you will have for a long time with all those kids!

EmilyK1116:

That would be like having your live-in mother in law stay in your house on your wedding night.  

If you are truly comparing young children from a previous relationship to a mother-in-law, you are weird.