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12-19-2012 at 10:24 PM
klcald
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klcald is not online. Last active: 05-08-2013, 5:33 PMNewbie

Learning to let go and laugh!

My husband and I have been together for 7 years this upcoming March. We are a lot alike, but we are also very different. I think our personalities definitely compliment each other, but sometimes we differ on things. 

I have a very hard time letting him in, or anyone for that matter. I hole up in myself and don't like to show emotion or what may be construed as weakness. It is hard for me to let go and relax. I stress over a lot of things that aren't worth it. I care too much about what other people think. These are all things that I am trying to work on, but I need advice on how to do it. 

These things are a wall between me and my husband (and other loved ones) that I NEED to break down. 
 
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12-20-2012 at 7:50 AM
renegade g...
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Have you looked into therapy?  It sounds like you could benefit from it.
Shrieking harpy loves dinners by candlelight, long walks on the beach, and cuddling. Seeking metrosexual male for a lifetime of henpecking and opera-going. No football fans or lumberjacks. Serious replies only. 
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12-20-2012 at 10:19 AM
doglove
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Renegade is correct, therapy is a great resource for working on these issues. 
 
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12-20-2012 at 11:55 AM
MrsMcC.104...
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Anecdotal advice from a message board, family or friends is not going to help you. You have described deep-seeded emotional issues that should be addressed with a professional who can give you fact-based advice and consistant follow up. You should consider a licensed counselor. If these are your only symptoms, I doubt you'll need medication, but there is a BIG difference between talking to a friend and talking to a counselor. Best of luck to you.
Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio

Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye

 
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12-20-2012 at 12:15 PM
RenoisPret...
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RenoisPrettierThanYou is not online. Last active: 05-23-2013, 11:42 AMNewbie
I suppose everyone is assuming there is something wrong with being reserved.  I don't think there is.  If you, however, believe this is something you'd like to change, by all means seek professional assistance in helping you do so.  Otherwise, embrace who you are ;)
 
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12-20-2012 at 1:59 PM
jessica290
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I used to be the same way you are...and I still am in some ways......but it took 3 years of therapy to get a lot of those issues to be fixed. All of these issues stemmed from things from my childhood, so when you open up and talk about them to a professional, they can give you a better way of looking at things...I have learned so much...my anxiety and depression have pretty much dissapeared and I am a lot less uptight...but I still am shy around groups of people I don't know...even at work. I don't open up easily and I do think people may think I'm stuffy, but whatever. I mostly don't care what people think about me anymore....I have just become more relaxed and I really don't think that this is something that you can change by reading a book, or asking advice...you really need to bring these issues to the surface and work with a professional. It's all about changing your thinking....Trust me, you will be so grateful you did! If I could recomend 1 general book that I think may begin to help you is David Burns- The Feeling Good Handbook..it's a big ole thick book. Good l
 
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12-20-2012 at 1:59 PM
jessica290
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I used to be the same way you are...and I still am in some ways......but it took 3 years of therapy to get a lot of those issues to be fixed. All of these issues stemmed from things from my childhood, so when you open up and talk about them to a professional, they can give you a better way of looking at things...I have learned so much...my anxiety and depression have pretty much dissapeared and I am a lot less uptight...but I still am shy around groups of people I don't know...even at work. I don't open up easily and I do think people may think I'm stuffy, but whatever. I mostly don't care what people think about me anymore....I have just become more relaxed and I really don't think that this is something that you can change by reading a book, or asking advice...you really need to bring these issues to the surface and work with a professional. It's all about changing your thinking....Trust me, you will be so grateful you did! If I could recomend 1 general book that I think may begin to help you is David Burns- The Feeling Good Handbook..it's a big ole thick book. Good luck!
 
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12-20-2012 at 1:59 PM
jessica290
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jessica290 is not online. Last active: 05-24-2013, 2:39 PMNewbie
I used to be the same way you are...and I still am in some ways......but it took 3 years of therapy to get a lot of those issues to be fixed. All of these issues stemmed from things from my childhood, so when you open up and talk about them to a professional, they can give you a better way of looking at things...I have learned so much...my anxiety and depression have pretty much dissapeared and I am a lot less uptight...but I still am shy around groups of people I don't know...even at work. I don't open up easily and I do think people may think I'm stuffy, but whatever. I mostly don't care what people think about me anymore....I have just become more relaxed and I really don't think that this is something that you can change by reading a book, or asking advice...you really need to bring these issues to the surface and work with a professional. It's all about changing your thinking....Trust me, you will be so grateful you did! If I could recomend 1 general book that I think may begin to help you is David Burns- The Feeling Good Handbook..it's a big ole thick book.
 
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12-20-2012 at 2:40 PM
renegade g...
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RenoisPrettierThanYou:
I suppose everyone is assuming there is something wrong with being reserved.  I don't think there is.  If you, however, believe this is something you'd like to change, by all means seek professional assistance in helping you do so.  Otherwise, embrace who you are ;)

There's nothing wrong with being reserved.  I'm an extremely introverted person myself.  There's a big difference, however, between being reserved and being unable to show emotion to and communicate with the person you're married to.  The latter is not conducive to a healthy relationship.  Obviously, the OP feels this is having a negative impact on her life and therapy can be very helpful in this area.
Shrieking harpy loves dinners by candlelight, long walks on the beach, and cuddling. Seeking metrosexual male for a lifetime of henpecking and opera-going. No football fans or lumberjacks. Serious replies only. 
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12-21-2012 at 7:25 AM
jnjmommy06...
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RenoisPrettierThanYou:
I suppose everyone is assuming there is something wrong with being reserved.  I don't think there is.  If you, however, believe this is something you'd like to change, by all means seek professional assistance in helping you do so.  Otherwise, embrace who you are ;)

 

There is a difference between being reserved and being emotionally closed off. One is healthy and perfectly fine...one can be damaging. Be careful to not confuse the two.

OP I also highly suggest some sort of therapy.  
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12-21-2012 at 11:21 AM
chriscbond
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I have the same problem. I think the best advice someone has ever given me is before I hold on to something or think too hard into it...I think, "Will this matter in 3 minutes? 3 days? 3 years?"  If the answers are No, then it is something you just need to let roll off the shoulder.  It is hard to do, but with practice, it becomes easier.  Be confident that no matter what others may say about you, you know who you are, and your Husband knows who you are.  Thats all that matters.  Sometimes the best thing is to let the small things go and decide that being happy and smiling and laughing is a much better use of your time!
 
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