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12-25-2012 at 12:18 AM
frizzel
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frizzel is not online. Last active: 05-17-2013, 10:32 AMNewbie

My husbands extended family hates me.

4 years ago I met my husband, and it has been nothing but incredible ever since. We were married this past year, and his parents and siblings have welcomed me into their lives with open hearts & arms. His fathers family (with the exception if a sibling that lives hundreds of miles away) is another story. From cousins spreading terrible rumors about me, to my husbands aunts and uncles utterding death threats at our own wedding, its been nothing but disasterous. He has one cousin who does silly things like unfriend him from facebook, and then turn around and question him about it, while subtley suggesting that I did it because I hate her. I've managed to cope with the childish drama and accusations for this long, but as we are starting our family, I'm worried about how to deal with them when there's a baby in the picture. I unfortunately grew up with my father's family hating my mother and it deeply affected me. Listening yo the terrible and untrue things my fathers siblings would say, and would often return home upset abd angry at my mother. 

How do I put my own children through that? I have decided that I will cut all ties with them and thus my children will grow up without knowing a great deal of my husbands extended family. He is fully behind me on this decision, but I still feel guily, and have no idea why!! Anyone else experience the same issue?? HELP! Thanks! 
 
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12-25-2012 at 1:24 AM
MLE2010
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It's not your guilt to have, it's on them. I have had guilt with my MIL, put my child in the mix and my BS tolerance went to zero. I have no guilt, don't care what others think and focus on a healthy life for me child. 

If your H is standing behind you then you really have no worries. Also, death threats are illegal, if you can prove it call the Police. Stop trying with or have any feelings for people who wish you dead. 
 
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12-25-2012 at 6:44 AM
BeckyOff
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MLE2010:

If your H is standing behind you then you really have no worries.

This

 
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12-25-2012 at 9:38 AM
TarponMono...
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BeckyOff:
MLE2010:

If your H is standing behind you then you really have no worries.

This



Exactly.

He needs to stand up get his act together and tell them to stop it once and for all.

Wishing you luck with these screwballs. hope the mess ends.
 
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12-25-2012 at 9:46 AM
sillygoose...
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I think I've only ever met one of my mom's cousins.  I've met the ones on my Dax's side because they still have a big reunion like once every ~15 years.  I don't think you will be depriving your kids of anything.  If as a kid my friends knew their parents cousins, I wasn't aware of it.
 
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12-25-2012 at 10:26 AM
virgo&sag
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I'm actually going through the same thing right now. My mom and dad were married almost 20 years and his siblings did not like my mom so they convinced my dad to leave his family 15 years ago. Anyhoo, since i can remember I've never really had a relationship with my dads side if the family, they are always talking about me behind my back for m=no good reason but they hated my mom. Well im a newlywed and my dads side has not met my husband yet so they invited us to there annual Christmas party tonight to meet him. Im so not looking foward to it I know im going to get into it with with my dads youngest sister, and with the temper my hubbie has OMG. He only wants to go to support me and find out why they treat me this way and possibly straighten some of them out. 
KM&JM 
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12-25-2012 at 10:30 AM
virgo&sag
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I've been going through this for quite sometimes and the H and I have decided to start a family this year and there not invited to any special occasions bdays holidays nothing! I wouldnt want to subject my children to any negativity so staying away from them is the smartest decision for our family. Just dont stress out about family stuff kill em with kindness and enjoy your holiday!
KM&JM 
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12-26-2012 at 8:47 AM
Golden42
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If that is how they are going to be, then I just wouldn't be around them. I haven't met many of DH's cousins, because they are similarly hateful. It sounds like your dad still took you around those hateful family members and didn't defend your mom when they spread lies about her. It sounds like your H supports you and that's great! Keep your interactions to a minimum and concentrate on the family that has been great.
 
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12-26-2012 at 9:59 AM
MrsMcC.104...
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Why feel guilty? You child will still have relationships with his grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. Really, there's only so many people the baby needs to form a relationship with. I like my second cousins and great aunts and uncles etc., but my life is still plenty full without them and so will your childs life.

Plus, if your H has your back, you have nothing to worry about. You're an adult. You control the people you have in your life and the way you allow people to treat you. If they can't get their act together, then tough cookies - they don't make the cut. You're allowed to be selective - diluted blood relations don't give people the right to treat you like crap.
Break cycle BFP on 11/6/12 after 17 cycles and a failed IUI - TTC/BFP details in bio

Nestie Bestie with the lovely RockABye

 
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