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02-19-2013 at 8:15 PM
brandirile...
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brandiriley is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:17 AMNewbie

Stressed out

So I have an 8 month old daughter and my husband loves her, but he doesn't really try to help me past changing diapers and maybe feeding her baby food. When he holds her she cries. How do I get/tell him I need his help more with not just her, but doing the dishes, laundry and everything. My parents, who we live with right now, can see that I'm stressed, and he can't. Although they don't seem to help with much of the house hold chores either. Its pretty much if I don't do it it sits for almost a week before anyone else will do it. I feel bad admitting that I haven't showered in about a week because by the time our daughter goes to bed, I'm so tired that I usually just pass out on the bed till she wakes up at about 430-5 for her only night feeding, and she doesn't really nap giving me a break that way. It feels like no one will watch her for me so I can get some of the things I want to get done, done. Like read a book! I can't really leave her with her dad, because give it maybe 5 minutes and shes screaming and he doesn't seem to try to make her happy! Any help or advice is much appreciated. I just don't know what to do because my parents just complain that he doesn't help me, and if i leave her with him they constantly tell me to go save her because she's crying, or is just pissed. I get rushed through everything I do.

 
02-20-2013 at 7:29 AM
doglove
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doglove is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 9:55 AMGold

Has he ever helped out? Before your daughter came along? It's time for a come to Jesus talk w/ this guy. Especially if you don't have time to take a shower. He will not watch her at all? What is he doing on his off time? 

 
02-20-2013 at 8:00 AM
brandirile...
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brandiriley is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:17 AMNewbie

its not really that he won't watch her so much as she will scream at him a lot when i leave her with him and my parents always then tell me "she screamed the entire time you were in there/gone" or "he doesn't pick her up when she cries and he needs to do that to calm her down" and most of the time he will have picked her up, she just gets upset that i leave the room. It stresses me out that the whole way my family acted towards him changed when we got married, and since he had the car accident and has 2 more weeks before he can go back to work its gotten way worse! i know for a while he couldn't pick her up because of his broken rib, i guess its just been a stressful 2 months since the accident, because when he worked I did all the same stuff. i guess its just that now I do more for lunch and cleaning because with him not working theres more to do cooking and cleaning wise, and I still don't get help. But I did get to shower last night! my Lo fell asleep early on her own so i had time to shower.. but then i couldn't fall asleep until 2am.. Today already feels better, and I guess its because I got almost 2 months worth of stress off my chest!

 
02-20-2013 at 8:26 AM
sillypuddy...
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sillypuddy143 is not online. Last active: 05-21-2013, 6:54 AMNewbie
That is ridiculous, you mean to tell me hes actually HOME with you right now and not helping out at all? Maybe for a while it sounds like he couldn't help much due to injuries, but it sure sounds like he can now. You guys need to talk about this ASAP, he should be helping with a lot more, what on earth is he doing all day?

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02-20-2013 at 9:25 AM
doglove
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So let me get this straight, you and your DH are living with your parents. Are either of you working? You are the sole person who takes care of the kid? 
 
02-20-2013 at 9:59 AM
brandirile...
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brandiriley is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:17 AMNewbie
He was working until the accident, and I was supposed to be the stay at home mom until we moved down near his dad in may and his dad was going to babysit for us so we could both work. My mom cleans house and my dad stays home. But won't watch her so we can both get jobs and bring in more money. Since the accident I have been applying for jobs to try to find something, but I keep getting the I'm over qualified or not qualified enough. We only moved in with my parents to help them out, and they would help me with her. But them helping me only lasted for so long.
 
02-20-2013 at 10:03 AM
brandirile...
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brandiriley is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:17 AMNewbie
And we did just figure out why she's been such an handful lately, well more than normal. She just got her first tooth, and is still grumpy but you can tell that she definitely feels much better.
 
02-20-2013 at 6:21 PM
JemmaWRX
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I think you need to adjust your expecations of your parents.  The child is yours, your family is living in their home.  I don't know what else you can reasonably ask of them.  It would be great if they helped, but it's a bonus, not a given.  So drop that point.

As far as your husband is concerned, you have to talk to him about it.  Earth to brandiriley!!!  Seriously, you have to communicate your expectations of him as a spouse and a father.  If he's not cutting it, you have to let him know.

Sit down and talk with him about what you need from him.  When you're gone and the baby is crying, tell him "try to do X to get her to calm down"  When the laundry needs to get done say "Hey - can you throw a load on?"  Dirty dishes are piling up in the sink, say "Do me a solid and load the dishwasher."  When you need to take a nap, tell him "I'm taking a nap, can you feed her and keep her occupied for an hour?" 

Some people will just DO, some people need to be told/asked.  Half the time my husband takes the bull by the horns and just does whatever needs to be done.  But the other half the time I just ask.  Ask and you shall recieve.  (I hope anyway... fingers crossed your guy isn't a total slouch!).

 
02-21-2013 at 5:11 PM
Goonie927
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Goonie927 is not online. Last active: 03-04-2013, 7:23 PMNewbie

what she (JemmaWRX) said!

 
02-23-2013 at 11:37 AM
brandirile...
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brandiriley is not online. Last active: 04-29-2013, 12:17 AMNewbie
Thanks Ladies, everything has seemed to work its self out now! Our little girl popped out 2 teeth in 2 days, and I think my husband has started to feel better because he sleeps better (hard with a broken rib) and now that our daughter is happier, she will go to him happily. And I talked to my grandmother, (who was in the hospital for 2 days and I didn't know!), she's good now too, I guess I was doing a lot of the stressing myself out too. But everything feels like it did before his accident! He's upstairs playing with her now so I could make us lunch. Thanks for making me realize a lot of this stress was self inflicted, and that I kind of wasn't giving him a chance with her because she would cry at him because her teeth hurt and I was the only person she wanted!
 
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