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02-19-2013 at 11:50 PM
ehouston10...
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ehouston101 is not online. Last active: 03-08-2013, 12:26 PMNewbie

My MIL is driving me insane.

My MIL is a very nice woman, but she is extremely overbearing towards my husband (her son). My husband's father walked out when he was 3 and she has not had any serious relationships since. She had basically replaced a significant other with my hubby. When our son was two months old we moved into her house to stay with her while waiting for our house to be built. On numerous occasions I would ask her to watch my son so I could run the the store etc, just easier and quicker sometimes. Well she would forget to feed him, throw off his schedule and not even care. we got into it a few times, and my husband and I found a place for rent for the duration of our house being built. Well I thought this would help my relationship with my MIL I was wrong! If I ever leave my son with her she lets him nap whenever, does not care about the schedule and when I get upset and say something to her, I'm the bad guy and my husband and I end up arguing about it later. Cutting off contact with her is out of the question, she has no other immediate family then my husband and he would never be able to do that to her. How do I get my husband to understand why I'm upset, and how can I improve on a relationship with his mother?
 
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02-20-2013 at 3:33 AM
WendyGR
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How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
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02-20-2013 at 4:21 AM
Kimbus22
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WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?

That's what I was thinking.  It sounds like your only real problem is that your free babysitter isn't doing things the way you want them done.  That's why people hire babysitters, so they can set out rules and expect them to be followed to the letter.

And FWIW my kid's schedule gets all thrown off when Grandma comes because she's way more fun than mommy.  It's not going to kill him to go off schedule for a couple of hours here and there.
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02-20-2013 at 6:46 AM
EastCoastB...
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WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
Um, this???? This is the only issue and I find it actually amusing that YOU mentioned "cutting her out" of your lives. Over THIS? Honey - she doesn't follow your routine/rules for DS? THen don't use her. It's really that simple. It's not a "cut her out" issue. It's a "start paying for a sitter" issue.
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~Benjamin Franklin

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DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10 
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02-20-2013 at 7:15 AM
Tofumonkey
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EastCoastBride:
WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
Um, this???? This is the only issue and I find it actually amusing that YOU mentioned "cutting her out" of your lives. Over THIS? Honey - she doesn't follow your routine/rules for DS? THen don't use her. It's really that simple. It's not a "cut her out" issue. It's a "start paying for a sitter" issue.

*gives ECB a standing ovation*

http://notesfortheirtherapist.blogspot.co.uk 
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02-20-2013 at 7:20 AM
brandirile...
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I kind of have the same issue with my mother.. but we moved in to help them, and now the kind of expect us to do everything, and my daughter was born with us living here, and she has never had a schedule except for food because they are too inconsiderate to her needs. I eventually just told her this is when she is going to take a nap, and this time for bed, and said it had to be dark and quiet (we live in a log home where the light goes everywhere from the living room). after a lot of just telling her or doing it before we went for naps/bed she eventually got the idea!
 
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02-20-2013 at 7:26 AM
doglove
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EastCoastBride:
WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
Um, this???? This is the only issue and I find it actually amusing that YOU mentioned "cutting her out" of your lives. Over THIS? Honey - she doesn't follow your routine/rules for DS? THen don't use her. It's really that simple. It's not a "cut her out" issue. It's a "start paying for a sitter" issue.

High five!

And also, I'm curious as to why you would marry a man who was such a mama's boy if you can't stand it. Why not find a man who was NOT a mama's boy? 
 
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02-20-2013 at 7:48 AM
BulgariHea...
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EastCoastBride:
WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
Um, this???? This is the only issue and I find it actually amusing that YOU mentioned "cutting her out" of your lives. Over THIS? Honey - she doesn't follow your routine/rules for DS? THen don't use her. It's really that simple. It's not a "cut her out" issue. It's a "start paying for a sitter" issue.

Yep, this. It's pretty straightforward, don't let her babysit your son. Problem solved. 
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02-20-2013 at 8:08 AM
MLE2010
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The best advice I got after having DD was:

If those who watch the baby will not or do not do as you say, then they do not get to watch the baby.

Of course this was from the pedi and it was over sleeping on the back and not giving a two week old straight water, etc.

You maybe being a bit hard on your MIL. But you are your child's mother and if you feel her care is not correct or is not right for your child that is really all that matters.  
 
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02-20-2013 at 8:30 AM
ToneGirl
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Wait til you have another kid...see if that strict schedule will work out for ya. Your baby is not going to be "all messed up" b/c she is off her schedule an hour or 2 every once and awhile...llighten up!
 
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02-20-2013 at 8:35 AM
renegade g...
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So you were living in her house, foisting your child on her to minimize your own inconvenience, and she's driving you insane?
Shrieking harpy loves dinners by candlelight, long walks on the beach, and cuddling. Seeking metrosexual male for a lifetime of henpecking and opera-going. No football fans or lumberjacks. Serious replies only. 
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02-20-2013 at 10:13 AM
rzumbrum
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Im right there with ya.. Not along the lines of kids ( cause we have none and will not). My MIL husband passed with my H was 19, and like your MIL my MIL replaced her husband with her son. She has not had a serious male relationship in 17yrs. My H became her substitute. She is completely emotionally dependent on him. It turns my stomach slightly to see how she treats him. I brought It to my H attention and until i did a little role reversal ( using me and my father) he was completely oblivious to it. But now completely agrees and is working on it from his end. She is slightly self absorbed and closed minded ( so we treat her like an infant) about emotions and change. Talk to your H about how you feel. Maybe he just doesnt realize the situation with his mother, sometimes if you in a situation you really cant see how it is until you look at it from another perspective.

 

Good luck 
 
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02-20-2013 at 10:53 AM
TarponMono...
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When you got into it with her a few times, might I ask what he did?

I get the feeling there is much more to the picture than just "oh she forgets to feed my son."

I also get the idea that you are not happy, you argue about his mother...and he will not take your side or be a team with you.

THAT is the big problem, not your FMIL.

If he can't work with you and stand together with you on everything, you're going to not only have a rough road, but you're also going to take a back seat to his mother indefinitely.
 
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02-20-2013 at 10:55 AM
TarponMono...
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rzumbrum:

Im right there with ya.. Not along the lines of kids ( cause we have none and will not). My MIL husband passed with my H was 19, and like your MIL my MIL replaced her husband with her son. She has not had a serious male relationship in 17yrs. My H became her substitute. She is completely emotionally dependent on him. It turns my stomach slightly to see how she treats him. I brought It to my H attention and until i did a little role reversal ( using me and my father) he was completely oblivious to it. But now completely agrees and is working on it from his end. She is slightly self absorbed and closed minded ( so we treat her like an infant) about emotions and change. Talk to your H about how you feel. Maybe he just doesnt realize the situation with his mother, sometimes if you in a situation you really cant see how it is until you look at it from another perspective.

Good luck 



And this is patently okay with you, all of it. 

I don't give your marriage a snowball in hell. Sorry.
 
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02-20-2013 at 5:47 PM
JemmaWRX
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EastCoastBride:
WendyGR:
How about not having her watch your son? Is that the only issue?
Um, this???? This is the only issue and I find it actually amusing that YOU mentioned "cutting her out" of your lives. Over THIS? Honey - she doesn't follow your routine/rules for DS? THen don't use her. It's really that simple. It's not a "cut her out" issue. It's a "start paying for a sitter" issue.
Hell Yes! OP - don't seek out reasons to hate your MIL. If you don't like the way she handles your son DON'T LET HER WATCH HIM. And if you want to continue to use her since she's free, then you have to roll with the punches.
 
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02-21-2013 at 7:16 PM
RamonaFlow...
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You get what you pay for. If you want somebody to follow your rules to the exact letter when watching your kid, then you need to step up and pay somebody to do just that.

I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
 
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